


Anything to Take Away Your Pain

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Series: Lifemates AU [14]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Dysphoria, Gender Identity, M/M, Nonbinary Robbie Rotten, Pregnancy Scares, Robbie is my kindred spirit yo, Trans Sportacus (LazyTown), Transitioning, empathy pains, genitalia discussion, mixing magic and science, other transgender characters mentioned, poll winner!, projecting my identity like a mofo, tokophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-05-25 19:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14983844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: Robbie worries about his husband sometimes. More than he would admit, to be honest. Especially when Sportacus is clearly upset about something but won't talk about it. He wants--no, NEEDS--to find some solution that can ease the hero's pain. But how can Robbie possibly help his love when Sportacus reveals that the problem...is Sportacus himself?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> POLL WINNER ALERT!!  
> ((when I tell you guys to check my tumblr and other accounts I mean it lol))
> 
> Along with Kiss and Cry, this will be the main piece I'll be working on for a little while.  
> I *do* have Where Land Meets the Sea slated for my Camp NaNoWriMo project, but THIS will be the one actually updating first.  
> 

Something wasn’t right. Robbie _knew_ something wasn’t right, but Sportacus dismissed all of his polite inquiries. Every time he asked if something was wrong or he mention his concerns, the hero would either abruptly change the subject or, sometimes, simply dash off in pursuit of a clearly imaginary emergency that had suddenly been called to his attention. It was rude, it was infuriating and, most of all, it was worrying. The trouble—and Robbie couldn’t even be complete certain there _was_ trouble or if it was all in his mind—had only started a few days ago, but it had gone on long enough to keep him permanently alert and on edge.

Sportacus was distracted, to say the least. Even the children had started to notice that much when their beloved hero would miss catching a ball or forget a piece of sports equipment for their game. He didn’t flip nearly as much as he normally would, either, instead opting to jog or even—to Robbie’s immense concern—walk. One of the kids would occasionally ask Robbie if their mentor was alright. Robbie would assure them that Sportacus was just a little overworked from being such an amazing hero to ease their fears but, the truth was, he was scared himself.

In the privacy of their home, the villain noticed his husband wasn’t eating as much as usual. Though he feared the elf was suddenly having some sort of relapse, he also noticed that Sportacus seemed to be sneaking salty snacks when he thought Robbie wasn’t looking. He had caught the hero downing various nuts, roasted and salted edamame, dried fruit chips, and pickles over the last few days. Shortly after sneaking his supposed-to-be-secret treats, Sportacus would sometimes hurry to the bathroom, but later insist that he was fine.

Robbie didn’t like how run-down his husband looked, either. Sportacus emanated an aura of stress and exhaustion that almost made it feel like he was living with some kind of health-spouting doppelganger. Though still an earlier riser, the elf’s waking schedule was not nearly as regular as it normally was, and Robbie was suspicious at how loudly and often water seemed to be running in their suddenly locked bathroom in the morning. He knew all too well how a properly running shower could be used to hide noises one didn’t want others to hear.

Still, the man wanted to trust that, if something were seriously wrong, his love would tell him. The only problem was, nothing was escaping Sportacus’ tightly pinned lips. After almost a week of worry, Robbie finally decided he had had enough.

The villain sat in his chair and ran the palms of his hands over the soft, reassuring fluff of the armrests. Joy and Nadía were off with Stephanie for the night. Some kind of ‘Girls Night Out’ that the pink girl—for no matter how old she got, Robbie would always think of her by that title—insisted their children needed once in a while. Normally, Robbie was almost offended by the suggestion that the girls needed more than he could provide them, but with how strange Sportacus had been acting lately, he was glad that he wouldn’t need to juggle the children tonight, too.

“Where is he?” the man demanded of the untouched dinner plate sitting on the table nearby. “He flipped off to save that darn cat nearly an hour ago.”

Even that had been suspect, if Robbie were being honest with himself. He had tried to breach the subject of concern by mentioning to his husband that things had felt a little strange for the past few days. Noticing that the unusually pale hero hadn’t touched his dinner, Robbie had asked if Sportacus was feeling well. Immediately after which, the elf had announced that his crystal was going off and he needed to leave. Not that Robbie had heard anything or saw so much as a flash of light from the thing. Could Sportacus be avoiding him? Why?

He rubbed his hands on the orange shag as he waited. And waited. He got up to pace for a while, sat again, stared at the clock, stood up to get a drink of soda.

Six o’clock…seven o’clock…

Robbie wandered back to his chair after another unsatisfying trip to his periscope. He was exhausted, having been ready to pass out almost an hour ago due to his strange schedule, but he refused to give in. Sportacus wasn’t home yet.

“Almost…”

Eight o’clock.

“What if something happened? What if he’s too angry at me to come home?”

Nine o’clock.

Three o’clock.

“Wh-wait…huh?”

Robbie sat up, pulling his eyes away from the nearby clock. The bedsheet still hung on his shoulder as if gently persuading him to go back to sleep. He put a hand to his head, rubbing lightly.

“When did I end up in bed?” he mumbled sleepily.

The last he remembered, he was still in his chair. When had he come up to bed? Robbie hit the pause button on his confusion when he spotted a familiar pair of blue boots by the bedroom door. He glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the bed, but found it empty. But the elf had to be somewhere.

With a persistent yawn, the man hauled himself out of bed and shuffled toward the lift just outside the room. The lair felt ominously empty and Robbie could swear his now slipper-covered feet were still causing some sort of echo throughout the main room. He hit the button on the small elevator to lower him to the main floor only to realize that he could still hear the echoy sounds he thought had been from him.

“Sportacus?”

Robbie pushed open the small gate and stepped out of the elevator, looking around the dark room. There was that soft noise again. What was it? Short and abrupt, muffled and small. Instinctually, the villain headed toward the bathroom. The little noise grew louder as he approached, and he suddenly didn’t like it. Stopping at the small sliver of light that shown out from under the bathroom door, Robbie gently knocked.

The sniffling and whimpering inside abruptly stopped.

“Sportacus.” Robbie tried to swallow, but found his mouth too dry. “Can I come in?” he asked softly.

There wasn’t an immediate answer, but Robbie waited. As much as he wanted to burst inside and demand what was wrong, what had plagued the man he loved so he could put a stop to it, Robbie forced himself to stay put. And stay quiet. It felt like an eternity.

“Robbie…” came a small voice that didn’t sound like his Sportacus at all.

He opened the door slowly, as though he was scared he might spook the man inside. Robbie’s heart felt like it had fallen into his stomach when he laid eyes on his traumatized-looking husband sitting in the corner of the room. Sportacus had his knees drawn to his chest, his puffy red eyes swelled with tears as he hugged his legs. Robbie’s breath hitched in his throat.

“You were right,” the hero all but squeaked as he glanced toward the bathroom sink before hanging his head. “J-just a bad stomach bug, I guess.”

It took a moment for Robbie to put the pieces together. His eyes followed where Sportacus had looked to behold a small plastic-looking stick sitting on the counter. At first he couldn’t comprehend what it was until he spotted the box and partially-folded instructions sitting next to it. His stomach almost fell into his legs from the shock. Unable to help himself, Robbie leaned closer to see the small window cut into the stick. One line. A negative pregnancy test.

“Sp—Sportacus,” the villain whispered as his mind searched for the words that could describe what his heart wanted to say. “I…”

“It’s stupid, really,” the elf interrupted with a whimper and a followup sniffle. “I wa-was s-so scared, and…and I’m j-just sick. Heh.”

Robbie wet his lips and made his way to the man’s side. He sat down, back against the outside wall of the bathtub, and wrapped his arms around his husband’s shoulders. That was all Sportacus needed to start crying. He began to sob and pressed himself into Robbie’s side, burying his face into the villain’s chest while his arms grabbed at his shirt to pull him closer. Robbie gently squeezed, unsure what to say. He scooted closer and all but pulled the feeble hero into his lap in a desperate attempt to protect Sportacus from the demons inside them.

“Th-the worst part is,” Sportacus cried as he let himself be held, “I don’t know why I’m sad!”

Robbie carefully removed the hero’s cap to massage Sportacus’ scalp and give his crown a delicate kiss.  
“What do you mean?”

“I…I was s-s-so scared of b-being pregnant,” the man sniffled. “B-but p-part of me r-real-really wanted a baby. It’s so s-s-stupid.”

The villain hugged Sportacus close. “It’s not stupid,” he said carefully. “You’re a wonderful father, Sport. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. It’s not okay…” The elf pressed his cheek against his husband’s chest and trembled. “I w-wanted the baby, but I…I’m too scared to. I’m too scared to have it. I _can’t_ have it. I…” Sportacus sniffled and tried to stifle another sob. “S-sometimes I hate myself.”

The air left Robbie’s lungs at hearing such a thing come from the hero, from his beautiful, wonderful, perfect Sportacus. He swallowed the man in an even deeper hug, rocking his husband in a desperate attempt to somehow calm him as tears started to form in his own eyes.

“Don’t say that,” was all Robbie could muster in the moment.

“If I wasn’t like this, we could have our own children,” Sportacus countered in a too-even, too-quiet voice.

“If you weren’t like this, we wouldn’t be where we are today,” Robbie pointed out. “You’re perfect, Sportalove. Don’t believe the shadows that say otherwise.”

The elf in his lap whimpered and pressed against his chest in response. Robbie gave a heavy sigh.

“I just…wish I could help,” the villain admitted near a whisper.

He felt so helpless. Here Sportacus was, suffering from worry and fear for days, now falling apart in Robbie’s arms while he felt so conflicted and battled his dark thoughts alone. And all Robbie could do was sit here and be useless. He gently repositioned the elf and backed himself into the corner where the bathtub met the wall, settling in for as long as Sportacus might need him.

“No one can help. I’m stuck like this.” His hero said quietly, sniffling between his words. “M-maybe we shouldn’t…be intimate for a while,” Sportacus mumbled miserably.

“Okay,” Robbie whispered back as he continued to sway with the man while his fingertips brushed up and down the strong man’s arm. “Whatever you need.”

There was silence for a few minutes before Sportacus spoke again.

“I’m sorry, Robbie,” he whimpered.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“Yes there is. I t-tried really hard to hide it b-because I didn’t want you to worry. But I’m so bad at lying. You shouldn’t have to deal with...this.”

“I don’t _have_ to deal with anything, Sportasilly. I’m lazy, remember? I only do what I want to do.” He lightly kissed his husband’s hair. “And I _want_ to be there with you for everything, okay?”

Sportacus reluctantly nodded against his villain’s chest before sniffling again.

“I hate my body.”

Robbie swallowed and tried to ignore the pain burning in his chest. “Funny. I like it,” he said with a slightly forced smile.

Sportacus sighed.

“It’s the strong, handsome body of my Sportasweet,” Robbie pointed out. “You could crush my head like a grape with your pinky if you wanted to—”

“Don’t exaggerate…”

“—but instead, you’re always scooping me up in those strong arms to make me feel safe, or using those gentle hands to wash my back where I can’t reach, or wrapping me in the biggest, warmest hug while I fall asleep so I know I’m not alone. Your body is wonderful, Sportacus.”

“N-not all of it.”

Robbie swallowed, wanting to make some sort of jest to lighten the mood, but he knew saying something like ‘nobody’s perfect’ would probably have the opposite effect. So he kept his mouth shut for a few seconds.

“Point is,” he said at long last, “I love you. Strongest man in the world, scrawniest man in the world, whatever. You’re _my_ man and I married you for a reason. And that reason has nothing to do with what’s between _anyone’s_ legs. Understand?”

Sportacus sniffled.

“Sport?”

“I understand,” the elf relented, fingering a button on Robbie’s vest as he spoke.

“Good.” The villain sighed. “I’m sorry you have to go through things like this,” he said honestly, trying to mask some of the sadness in his voice, “I can’t imagine how awful it feels. B-but remember that I love you, okay? All of you. No matter what.”

“…Thanks, Robbie.”

He gave his hero another squeeze.

“Robbie?”

“Hm?”

“Is it stupid that…I really wanted that baby, but I’m too terrified or it to ever have it? …or, that I feel like this over someone who never existed in the first place anyway?”

Robbie shook his head. “No. It’s not stupid at all. It’s okay, Sportacus. I get it.”

“E-even though it’s negative, I’m still scared. I just k-keep playing it over and over again in my head and…I can’t do it. I can’t do it!”

Sportacus buried his face into Robbie’s vest and started crying all over again. Robbie just held him close.

“I know. But it’s okay. You don’t have to. I promise you never have to.”

“Buh bay’eh,” came a muffled, sorrowful reply.

“If something happens, we’ll figure it out together, but I promise I’ll do my best to make sure we never get to that point, okay?”

The elf was quiet to that, but at least he was calming down already. That was good.

“You want to go to bed?” Robbie asked. “You can sleep in tomorrow, try and feel better. The Pink Girl can watch out for everyone herself.”

“I’m tired,” Sportacus agreed.

Robbie slipped his arms under Sportacus’ knees and around his shoulders and shifted his weight to get up.

“Okay, well…. _oh boy_.”

The villain plopped right back down in a surprised huff, eyes wide from both shock and effort.

“Okay, uh…you may need to help me a little bit, Sportaheavy. I don’t think this is gonna work.”

The elf in his arms couldn’t help but give a sniffle-filled giggle. Sportacus moved his arms up and hugged Robbie’s shoulders. He briefly buried his brow in his husband’s neck before pulling back and kissing it.

“Sorry, Robbie.”

“You should be,” the man lightly teased to test the waters. “You’ve barely eaten anything lately and you’re still the densest elf I’ve ever met!”

Sportacus tried to give a soft laugh at that, but wasn’t very successful. Even so, Robbie appreciated the effort, and was glad to see a slight sparkle back in the hero’s weary eyes.

“Come on, Sportalove, let’s go to bed.”

“Okay, Robbie,” the hero said quietly, finally moving to stand.

Robbie got up with a creak from his back and watched as Sportacus slowly dug around under the bathroom sink to take out a small bucket. The elf glanced up at his husband only briefly before looking back down at the ground. Robbie sighed softly and took the man’s hand in his own. He lead his hero back to the small elevator and up to the bedroom without a word, releasing Sportacus’ hand only to pull down the bedsheets for him.

“Feeling any better?”

Sportacus seemed to think a minute before giving a small nod. He placed the bucket on his bedside table and pulled the blankets up to his chest. Robbie leaned down to kiss the man’s forehead before crossing the room and changing into his pajamas. Now properly dressed, the villain crawled into bed beside Sportacus and settled in himself. Robbie didn’t like how downtrodden Sportacus still looked, but he hoped that his love was feeling at least a little better now. He turned off the light.

“I’m cold,” Robbie said as an excuse to inch closer to the center of the bed. “Get your radiator tush over here.”

Sportacus gave a small smile and nestled down next to his husband. Robbie could feel the elf begin to relax the moment he put his arms around the man. The villain gave his hero a soft kiss between the eyes and Sportacus draped a muscular arm over his hip. Robbie may not be able to take Sportacus’ pain away entirely, but oh, how he wanted to.

“Good night, Sportacus. I love you.”

“…I love you, Robbie.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate that I haven't posted anything in so long. I'm just trying to get my act together.  
> Three moves this summer, finally settling in, a huge writing almost-catastrophe (I'll explain on another fic later...), and just...life in general...whew. It's been a roller coaster. But I'm eager to get back to making stuff so...check twitter and tumblr for updates on stuff I can't talk about on AO3.  
> \------
> 
> This story/chapter actually has some "spoilers" for the Lifemates timeline since I write the thing so out of order. So if you don't recall certain characters or circumstances, don't worry, it's not you. XD I'll fill in the blanks eventually. *whispers* And more comments mean stuff gets written faster...just sayin'

The stomach flu, or whatever it was that had been plaguing their lives, appeared to clear up almost instantaneously. Even so, Robbie forced his pig-headed husband to stay home and _rest_ for once in his life even after Sportacus felt better just to make sure that whatever microscopic menace had caused so much distress to his household had been thoroughly and absolutely killed off. Granted, he only managed to get Sportacus to stay relatively still for little over a day and a half after the man started to get his usual pep back, but when it came to his husband, Robbie considered that length of time a win. It was nice to see the bubbly blue elf back to his energetic and smiley self, but even as he ran off to play with the local children, Robbie couldn’t help but feel that he had still lost the battle.

Sportacus was smiling again, certainly, but the former villain couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t seem to wholly reach his beautiful blue eyes. Sportacus had been so quiet the day after _the incident_. Even the day after that. He knew his beloved was in mourning for the child-that-never-was, and dealing with other terrible emotions Robbie couldn’t begin to understand. And Robbie was helpless to do anything about it. He wanted to help, he wanted to alleviate the hero’s internal agony…but even after everything, Robbie couldn’t get Sportacus to talk to him. The elf’s moment of weakness was over and he was as sealed as a stubborn clam once again.

Even the children were noticing that something wasn’t right. It didn’t escape Robbie’s notice that Joy had suddenly started taking on more chores around the house without being asked, and even Nadía had picked up her socks and quieted her music which, in any other context, he would have been grateful for. But no, he didn’t like this at all.

“Hey, Dad?” the younger of the two asked, breaking Robbie out of his sullen reverie as she all but skipped across the room to lean heavily on the armrest of his chair. “Can I have some money for parts?”

Robbie frowned, his eyes taking a moment to focus on his daughter after staring into space for so long. “What for?” he questioned suspiciously.

“For school!”

Robbie gave a look begging her to elaborate. Nadía groaned, all but collapsing on the armrest now.

“I need more rivets.”

“ _For_ …?”

The girl groaned. “We have to make models of the solar system for school, and I wanted mine to be accurate, so I’ve rigged up some stuff to make sure everything moves in the proper trajectories and spin on the right axis and I’m only, like, halfway through and…I need more rivets.”

Robbie rolled his eyes and waved a hand toward a door tucked away behind where his kitchenette once was. “Go take some from the workshop.”

“I…can’t.”

“Sure you can, not like you’re a stranger.”

Nadía bit her lip, straightening up a bit and suddenly looking around at anything but her father. “No, I mean I really _can’t_. Um…I kind of…used all yours already.”

Robbie’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t realize I was gonna need so many!” the girl cried, hands up and pointed ears slightly drooping now. “I thought you had more but…I couldn’t find any. I…think I used too many on my last project,” she admitted sheepishly.

The town villain groaned and let his head fall back against the plush of his chair. _Kids_. He loved the girl to death, and the fact that she somehow seemed to take after him so much still made his heart dance with pride, but _sometimes_ he just wanted a weekend away and pretend he was a carefree bachelor again.

“ _Nad_ _ía_ ,” Robbie sighed. “What are you supposed to do when you need parts?”

The girl kept her eyes on the floor. “Write it on the list,” she recited glumly. “I know. I…forgot.”

“Clearly.”

“But this project’s for _school_ ,” she pressed. “I can’t turn in _half_ a solar system! So…um…”

Robbie let out another groan, this one with an ounce of actual pain mixed in as he stood up and stretched something in his back that hadn’t wanted to move just yet. “I never said _no_ to the hardware store, now did I?” he asked. “Get your shoes.”

Nadía squealed and raced off.

“I’m only paying because it’s for school!” he shouted after her. “Anything left over is _mine_ , understand?”

“No prob, Dad!” she called back.

Now that the girl had sprung into action, it was only a matter of seconds before she sped past him, so Robbie decided to head topside now rather than wait for his daughter. Lo and behold, he had barely gotten his footing outside when she sprang out of the lair after him, practically bouncing as she announced she was “Ready to go!” She and Robbie headed down the path into town together. The man was surprised that his daughter was so quiet, much less walking at such a _normal_ speed with him; usually Nadía was a chatterbox of pure energy on their walks together.

“Hey, Dad?”

Oh no. _That’s_ why she was being so quiet. Robbie really hoped she wasn’t about to ask about the laundry list of topics he never wanted to discuss with his daughter, especially not for another decade. Or two. He hoped she didn’t want to talk about some boy from school.

Nadía kept her eyes on the path before them as she spoke. “Is Pabbi okay?”

Oh, how he wished she wanted to talk about some boy from school.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Robbie asked, trying his best to sound natural in spite of his suddenly rigid spine and wavering tone.

She glanced up at him, giving him her famous _don’t treat me like a little kid_ look. Robbie emotionally winced. Oh, how he wished they could be having any other conversation right now.

“I’d hoped you girls wouldn’t have noticed anything,” he admitted.

“We’re not _blind_ , Dad. Pabbi hasn’t been himself lately and…” She swallowed. “Is everything okay?”

Robbie let out a long sigh. For a potential yes or no answer, that question was not as easy to answer as it should be. He must have taken too long trying to decide on what to say in response, because his daughter kept talking, her voice low and worried.

“Is…is everything okay _with you and Pabbi_?”

“No, no, no!” Robbie cried, immediately waving his arms to dispel his child’s fears. “No, sweetie, your Pabbi and I are _fine_!”

He watched her let out a sigh of obvious relief and felt a pang of guilt that she had felt so worried about his relationship with Sportacus, all because neither of them were good enough at communication to properly be there for their daughters when they probably needed them most. Wonderful. Robbie added ‘terrible parent’ to his mental list of things to brood and sulk over later on.

“Your Pabbi and I are fine,” he said again, softer this time. “Were…were you really worried about that?”

Nadía nodded, then shrugged. “I dunno.” She finally looked back up at him. “Pabbi’s seemed so _sad_ lately, and you keep frowning all the time and...I didn’t know what to think. I just knew something was wrong and nobody was talking about it.”

Robbie wrapped a protective arm around his daughter’s shoulder as they walked. “It’s…complicated,” he relented quietly. “I don’t know if your Pabbi wants me to talk about some of it, at least not right now. But I promise we still love each other, okay? And we love you and Joy.”

The girl nodded, but didn’t look wholly satisfied, and Robbie’s didn’t blame her.

“Your Pabbi’s going through some hard things right now, that’s all. Personal stuff.”

“Is it…anything I can help with?” Nadía asked hopefully.

What did a curmudgeony mess of a man like him ever do to deserve such wonderful children? Robbie hugged Nadía to his side.

“I’m afraid not. Trust me, I wish it was something _I_ could help with,” he sighed. “I don’t think there’s much we can do right now, sweetheart. But…but Pabbi will be okay. He just needs a little bit of time. It’s hard, I know. Sometimes life just…stinks for a little bit.”

“Yeah,” the girl sighed.

They were nearly to the store now. Robbie squeezed his daughter gently again, offering her a smile.

“I’m sorry we worried you and your sister so much,” Robbie said quietly. “But I’m glad you brought it up. Any time you’re worried about something, you should let me or Pabbi know okay? Even if it’s about us.”

His child nodded. “I know. I guess I was just kinda scared, that’s all. If a friend looks sad, I know what do to usually. But…when it’s _you guys_ who are sad…I get scared,” she admitted.

Robbie hugged her again. “Yeah, it’s scary when adults are mad or being weird,” he agreed, remembering how much Glanni used to worry him when he was growing up. “But no matter what, your Pabbi and I love you and your sister, okay? So even if it’s hard, let us know how you’re feeling. We don’t know what’s going on in your head if you don’t tell us, and we can’t fix things if we don’t know there’s a problem.”

Wow, Sportacus had really rubbed off on him over the years, hadn’t he? Robbie allowed himself to smile at the thought.

“Yeah. It’s just hard.”

“I know, sweetie. You try and let us know how you’re feeling and I promise I’ll try to better communicate about things that are happening so maybe you won’t have to feel so worried in the first place, okay?”

“Okay.” She paused for a few seconds, thinking before she spoke again. “It sucks that there’s nothing I can do to help Pabbi, though. With whatever he’s dealing with…”

Robbie nodded and hummed in pained agreement before nudging his youngest. “But you know what might help him feel a _little_ bit better?”

“What?”

“Showing him your solar system when you’re all finished with it. Pabbi _loves_ seeing the things you make and I bet even if he’s still sad, it’ll make him feel better enough to give a really big smile and forget he’s so sad for a while.”

Nadía rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“ _Dad_.”

Robbie smirked. “You tell me that your Pabbi won’t be super excited to see what you make,” he dared.

The girl groaned, the edges of her mouth twitching as she tried to keep herself from smiling.

“That’s what I thought,” Robbie said smugly as he patted his little girl’s shoulder. “Now come on, let’s resupply the workshop.”

Robbie opened the door to the hardware store for the young lady and the two headed inside to get on with their shopping. The conversation too personal to continue within the confines of the small store,  Nadía instead honed in on what she needed for her project. Her rivets acquired, the girl quickly proceeded to wander the aisles looking for any other goodies that might catch her eye. Robbie trailed at a distance, picking up an adapter here and some tubing there as he went.

The woman at the counter gave the familiar pair a smile as they brought their finds up to the counter some time later. Their arms were full and Robbie was thankful that his daughter was already stronger than himself, otherwise he knew there would have been no way for him to get all of their stuff home again. He let out a gasp of relief as he let his gains spill out over the counter.

“Guess I don’t need to ask if you found everything okay,” she teased, getting a giggle from Nadía. “You two working on a new project?”

Robbie nodded toward his youngest. “This one is.”

Nadía nodded right back at him. “ _He’s_ just impulse shopping.”

He gave her a look.

“So the usual?” the clerk teased.

“Oh, hardy har,” Robbie grumbled as he fished in his vest for his wallet. “Don’t tempt me back into villainy,” he threatened as the woman rang up their items and placed them carefully in bags. “I literally have the tools to create some dastardly new device that could bring this whole place to the ground.”

“I see, Mr. Rotten,” the woman, whose nametag read _Cathy_ , giggled as she continued in her work.

Robbie gave a faux gasp of betrayal as his daughter laughed along, too.

“See if I come _here_ again,” he grumbled before handing over his card to pay.

“See you next week, Mr. Rotten. Bye, Nadía.”

“See you later, Cathy,” he replied with an amused grin as he took one bag and left the rest to the girl responsible for him leaving his perfectly good recliner in the first place.

Nadía practically skipped out the door behind her father and Robbie was glad to see her back to her usual self, at least outwardly. She looked up at Robbie with a smile, all hints of nervousness gone after their romp through the hardware store. Thank God for small favors.

“Do you mind if I go straight home?” she asked. “I wanna get back to work.”

Yup, definitely his daughter. Once they were wrapped up in a project, either one of them could easily lose days to the thing if not periodically interrupted and pulled away by loved ones. It wasn’t until Nadía came along that Robbie realized how much his strange habits had potentially worried poor Sportacus for so long. Now _he_ got to worry about making sure a loved one ate or slept while engrossed in their latest obsession, too.

“Sure. Go ahead, kiddo. Dinner’s at six. Set an alarm.”

“Okay, Daddy!” Nadía said cheerfully.

She bounced up on her toes and waited. Robbie’s heart gave a warm tumble of affection as he leaned down to let her kiss his cheek before bounding away like a deer. Daddy. She hadn’t called him that for a while, not since she’d wanted to start feeling more grown up. It was nice to hear it again.

“Bye!” she called over her shoulder before she was out of ear shot.

Robbie sighed gently, letting his cheeks swell. He readjusted his grip on his lone bag of goods and headed off toward the sports park to see if he could spy his husband before he made for home himself. He usually stopped by the bakery or some other side-trip, just to make coming out of his lair worthwhile, but given how emotional the past few days had been, he’d much rather see his blue buffoon for a little while instead of getting some extra sugary treat.

“Good shot, Risky!”

Ah, Robbie knew that voice.

“Sarah, wonderful! You have all been getting so much _better_!”

Robbie had no idea what game Sportacus and the current generation of brats were playing. They were using a soccer ball, but they certainly weren’t playing soccer. Whatever, probably some silly elf game he was teaching the herd to keep them occupied for another agonizingly active day of quote-unquote _fun_. He leaned on the low wall as he watched the gorgeous man chased the children up and down what Robbie presumed was the designated playing field. Robbie may not be a big fan of running around _himself_ , but at this point he was just kidding himself if he said he didn’t enjoy watching _Sportacus_ being so bouncy and enthusiastic in his place. Especially with that beautiful smile of his. He was a little too far away to tell, but Robbie really hoped the man’s eyes were smiling again, too.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, as he watched the gaggle of kids swarming around the blue hero, Robbie recalled an old conversation of theirs. About how Sportacus had always imagined himself with a big family. No wonder he loved all the town’s children so much. _They_ were his family. He and Robbie may have the two girls, but…none of their own, not biologically. Sportacus had both wanted and feared that baby-that-never-was, and it broke Robbie’s heart just thinking about it. He could only imagine the depths of what Sportacus must be feeling.

“Hi, Robbie!”

He jumped, dropping his bag and instinctively throwing his arms up to protect his face. Robbie let out a series of annoyed huffs when he finally recognized not only the voice that had sprung up behind him, but also the amused giggling that followed. The villain threw his arms down and spun to face the younger hero with an annoyed scowl.

“Don’t _do_ that!” he shouted. “You’re as bad as _him_!”

Stephanie rolled her eyes, looking more amused than remorseful. Ugh. _Heroes_.

“Sorry, Robbie. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You never _mean_ to, but you always _do_ ,” he grumbled as he straightened his vest and picked up his shopping bag. “How are you, Pinky?”

“Great!” the bubbling young woman said as she jumped up to sit on the low wall to better chat with her old friend. “What about you?”

“That’s nice,” Robbie replied, trying to ignore the newest hero’s question and keep with the original conversational tree. “Been off saving all the bunnies and teaching all the sticky-handed children to brush their teeth?”

Stephanie’s bright smile shrank at his response. “ _Robbie_.”

He gave the girl—because no matter how old she got, Stephanie would always be a little girl in his mind—a tired look before pointing to himself. “Villain,” he reminded her, getting an eye-roll in return. “You been doing okay, kid?”

Stephanie’s expression softened again and she nodded. “Yeah. I get to spend a couple weeks with _N_ _úmer_ _Átta_ in a few days! I’m just about done with my training, but she said she’d tutor me on a couple of things before the ceremony. I’m really looking forward to it!”

Robbie couldn’t help but give a small smile. “Tell _Fr_ _ænka_ _Átta_ I say hi, huh? I liked her.”

The young woman let out a giggle. “I’ll let her know. We should all have dinner when I get back! I bet she’d love to see you and Sportacus again.”

“So you’re just inviting people over my house now?” Robbie asked sharply, despite the softness in his eyes.

“I’ll host,” she offered with a smile.

“And cook,” Robbie added. “This is all your idea, I’m not putting in the hard work.”

“Sure, Robbie,” Stephanie laughed, shaking her head.

The pair were silent for a moment. Robbie looked out over the playing field, watching his husband play with the hoard of brats that swarmed the park. God, he remembered when there were only a handful of kids in the entire town. It was strange to think his sleepy little LazyTown was slowly becoming a bustling metropolis. At least, by his standards.

Sportacus looked up as the children decided to redivide themselves into new teams for their next round of disgusting whateverball. The elf smiled as bright as the sun when spotting two of his favorite people in the world. He gave the pair an enthusiastic wave, his arm flapping so wildly that one would think he was trying to redirect an airplane before it crashed into the sports field. Robbie felt his own face brighten at the sight of it and gave his love a small wave in return. It didn’t take long, though, for the swarm of tiny people to lasso the elf man’s attention again, and Sportacus was dragged back into their fun and games.

Robbie kept watching. He could just see Pinky watching him out of the corner of his eye, and he did his best to ignore her surprisingly heavy gaze.

“Hey, Robbie?”

He sighed, head sinking and shoulders hiking up around his ears. Stephanie seemed to take that as enough of a response that she should continue.

“Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d take a day off from my marathon training,” he grumbled, finally pulling his attention off of his husband long enough to look at the girl. “Figured I deserved a break for once.”

Stephanie didn’t seem amused. “ _Robbie_ ,” she said softly. “I mean it. You don’t…” She shrugged. “Something just seemed different, like you’re stressed out…”

“Now that you mention it, I _have_ been a little stressed ever since this little pink-haired girl moved into town a while back. I think I’ve gotten maybe five minutes of sleep since then.”

Stephanie sighed. The young hero shook her head and looked out at the sports park, creating a silence that somehow felt a little heavier than Robbie would have liked. He, too, turned his attention back to the elf and his followers. It was nice to see Sportacus laughing and having fun in spite of the demons that had been haunting him. It wasn’t fair; someone that pure shouldn’t have to deal with the darkness that he did. He wished their roles could somehow be reversed, if only so Sportacus could feel…whole. Feel like himself. It just wasn’t fair.

“Is it about Sportacus?” Stephanie asked after a minute or two.

Robbie winced. Another slight silence followed before the young hero spoke again.

“What’s wrong?”

Robbie sighed in defeat, giving the girl a small shrug. “I don’t…I… _ugh_.”

He looked over at her. Stephanie was watching him with large, worried eyes.  He loved and hated that look. Stephanie was too sweet and overly helpful…kind of like a blue kangaroo he knew. She was almost another daughter to him after all these years...maybe a niece. A trouble-making little niece who was nothing but an adorable thorn in his side that literally kept him up at night with all her happy exercise shenanigans. The memories made him smile, albeit briefly.

“Robbie?” the young woman asked, tucking a lock of pink hair behind her ear. “Really…i-is everything okay?”

“For being the Master of Disguise I’m apparently pretty darn obvious,” Robbie sighed. “First the kids, now you…guess I’m losing my touch in my old age,” he griped.

Stephanie waited patiently for him to continue. Fortunately for her, Robbie hated the silence and, despite not really wanting to talk right now, felt the heavy need to fill the air with _something_ rather than the girl’s worry and anticipation.

“Sportaflop’s just…dealing with some things,” he mumbled, slowly turning his eyes back to the sweet, handsome man at play across the park. “Personal stuff… _you know_.” Robbie swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling too tight for some reason. “Stuff I…wish I could help with.”

After a pause, he heard the soft shuffle of fabric against concrete as Stephanie edged toward him.

“Dysphoria?” she asked quietly, barely above a whisper.

Robbie glanced at her, surprised by the young hero’s quick deduction. “Y-yeah.”

Pinky nodded, her face somber, eyes downcast. “I understand. It’s hard,” she agreed. “You want to help, make them feel better, but you can only do so much. It’s hard to see someone you love hurt so much over something they can’t help.”

Robbie nodded sadly.

“I hate seeing Pixel so upset,” she continued. “I know how it feels, Robbie. It…stinks. I’m a hero, and I can’t help the one person that matters most, you know?”

He nodded again. He felt he should say something, but he didn’t know what. He just knew he was suddenly grateful for Stephanie’s company.

“You can only do so much, really. But…but the best thing you can really do is just…be there for him.” Stephanie looked over at Robbie. “It’s not really something you can _fix_ , but you can still support him. Let him know how much you love him.” She sighed. “Help remind him that the sky’s not made of all dark clouds by showing you love him. That’s…what I try to do with my Pixie. It doesn’t make everything better, but…I think it helps, even if it’s just a little bit, you know?”

Robbie sighed. “Yeah…I just…don’t like not being able to fix it,” he admitted. “I don’t...like seeing him hurt like that. I’ve tried to get him to talk about it before, try to figure something out, I guess. He doesn’t—” Robbie wasn’t sure if he should even be sharing such intimate details, but…he trusted Pinky, and he knew Sportalove did, too. “He doesn’t like the idea of surgery. I’ve suggested it, but…it’s not an option. B-but I don’t know what else to do to help. I just…want to help.”

The villain felt a tender hand on his back, rubbing gentle, calming circles that slowly enticed his spring-tight shoulders to relax. “It’s okay, Robbie. Sportacus loves you so much. It’s terrible seeing him hurt, I know. _Believe me_ , I know. But...you help. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you help. This sort of thing isn’t something you can really _fix_ , per say…but you _can_ help. And you do.”

Robbie looked back out at the sports park. His eyes followed the gorgeous, sweet, generous man cheering on the local children and putting on a happy face despite the demons that plagued him. He hoped that his presence helped the elf, though it felt like he could do very little from where he was sitting. Despite Stephanie’s sweet, supportive words of reassurance, Robbie still wanted to be able to _fix_ it, take away his love’s pain once and for all. No, he _needed_ to find a way to fix it. For Sportacus.

Robbie fell into a thoughtful silence as he watched Sportacus at play. How he wished there was something he could do. Something to make his Sportacus feel like the man that he was. He needed to fix things so his husband could…

A small twinkle of an idea flickered in his eye.

“Thank you, Pinky,” he said quietly, glancing over at the hero perched by his side. “I’ll…see you later.”

Stephanie offered him a final, sympathetic smile. “Okay, Robbie. If you need anything, just call me, okay?”

He nodded, gave one last look to Sportacus, and started for home. He needed to give his cousin a call before starting on dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOMESTIC FLUFF INCOMING!
> 
> Cake Dad is good dad.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sportacus had said before making another half-baked excuse to leave and visit Stephanie. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now, Robbie,” he had said before announcing that he needed to help Joy study for a test. “Robbie, please. I told you…I hate talking about this and I…can’t, so _please_ …not now,” Sportacus had all but begged of him before kissing his cheek and promising to be home before dinner.

He was at the end of his rope. Sportacus was suffering in self-exile and Robbie knew he had to figure out how to fix everything. He _needed_ to make everything better. For once, the hero needed a hero of his own, and—actual career title be damned—Robbie was determined to be that hero. He would give _anything_ to be that hero. For Sportacus. His Sportacus.

“Papa Rotten?”

Robbie looked up from the large tome he had been reading, quickly slamming the book closed and shoving it away. He spun around to face his eldest, leaning ever so slightly to obscure the line of sight between her and his desk.

“Joy!” he said a little too quickly, his brows knitting together slightly when seeing the serious look on the teenager’s face. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

The young lady gestured to the currently dark light bulbs that sparsely lined the workshop’s walls. “You weren’t responding. I…got worried.”

Robbie glanced up and around the room. With his lair having been converted into a semi-proper home years ago, he had built on a large workshop to continue his projects. With children running around he’d had to make sure he had a sturdy door to keep them away from anything dangerous. At Sportacus’ request, he had also added a light bulb outside the door to show when the workshop was in use. Inside he had strung a series of bright red light bulbs all around the perimeter as a silent doorbell so he wouldn’t be startled every time someone wanted to get ahold of him. He shook his head.

“Oh. S-sorry. I guess I didn’t notice them…”

He had never _not noticed_ those lights when they went on before and they both knew it.

Joy scratched her opposite arm, looking nervous and small where she stood. “Sorry for barging in when you were busy.”

“No, no, honey,” Robbie said quickly. He quickly pulled some cloth over what he had been looking at before turning back around and waving for her to approach with both hands. “Come here. Come here.”

Joy didn’t move for a moment, then walked briskly over to the man. She pulled over one of the room’s numerous rolling chairs to sit beside him.

“Oh, no no no. None of that,” Robbie said, taking the girl’s wrist and gently guiding her to sit in his lap.

Joy didn’t resist. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her adoptive father’s shoulders and all but curled into a ball as their foreheads met. Robbie grit his teeth as he shifted the sudden amount of weight on his thighs, then proceeded to envelop his daughter in a firm but gentle hug to keep her close.

He still remembered when Joy was little. Big eyes and beautiful smile, like a precious little doll that was so happy and sweet that she won over even the most cold-hearted monsters that lived in the town. Namely, himself. Somehow—and Robbie had no idea when or how—that little girl had become a woman before his very eyes. A wonderful, smart, caring young woman who he was _so_ so proud to call his child. But right now, it felt like he had his tiny, little girl back. And she was in his lap. And she was clearly upset about something.

“You haven’t called me _Papa Rotten_ in ages,” he said quietly. “What’s wrong, my little Koi Fish?”

Joy smiled slightly at the silly nickname. “What were you doing?” she asked.

“Nothing. Just…reading. I got a little too wrapped up. I’m sorry I missed your lights.”

“It’s okay,” she said, the response more automatic than Robbie would have liked. “I just got worried. You’ve been in here all day.”

Robbie kissed her temple. “Sorry, Soy Bean. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m just…working on a new project, that’s all.”

She nodded to the desk behind him. “Nadía said Grandpa Glanni sent you something. Is that it?”

He nodded, fighting the urge to look at the book behind him. “Yeah. Just a, uh, a pet project. So, what did you need, sweetheart? That you were calling me for,” he clarified.

“I was gonna go out for groceries, that’s all. We’re getting a little low…on everything. I wanted to know if you needed anything else while I was out.”

Robbie nearly rolled his eyes at how thoughtful the girl could be sometimes. He kissed her hair and gave her a quick squeeze.

“And where were you going to get the money?” he questioned.

Joy gave a hesitant shrug.

“ _Koi Fish_ , what have I told you about using your money on the household?”

Joy gave a tiny shrug.

“That money is _yours_ , Joy. You’re not buying groceries with it.” Robbie leaned back to fish out his wallet. “You need to save up for school, remember?”

She swallowed. “About that…I was thinking that maybe instead of—”

“ _Nope_.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

Robbie narrowed his eyes at her as his fingers felt their way through all that he had stored in his wallet. “Are you going to try and convince me that you shouldn’t go to nursing school yet because you need to stay home and help out?”

Joy’s gaze fell, her eyes fixed on some spare parts that had found a home on the floor some time ago, judging by the dust resting on top of them.

“That’s what I thought,” Robbie sighed. “ _Joy_ …I love you. You’re my little girl. I know how important it is to you to help, and take care of people you love…trust me, I _understand_. But, you can’t sacrifice your own happiness just to hover around the rest of us. We all love you, and I know I speak for me and your Pabbi both when I say we appreciate everything you do. Taking care of people is how you show you love them, I get that. But you’re my _daughter_ and I’m taking care of _you_ , okay? You can’t take everything on your shoulders all the time.”

“I could say the same for you and Pabbi,” she pointed out, voice soft.

Robbie frowned and raised an eyebrow.

“I know something’s going on between you two. And Nadía told me about the conversation you two had the other day. We’re worried, but…I get it. You don’t want to involve us if you don’t have to. But if I can help you two get through the day a little easier by doing the laundry or planning dinner, then…I want to do it. You two do _everything_ for us, even when you don’t _have_ to, and—”

“And,” Robbie interjected, “The last time I checked, that’s what any decent parent  is supposed to do. Not you.”

The teen sighed in resignation. She wasn’t about to win this fight any time soon, was she?

“I want you to be happy, Joy. Your Pabbi wants you to be happy. Don’t throw away nursing school just because we’re a little…stressed out. Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay, Papa.” She gave the man a warm squeeze, which Robbie returned. “I’m still going grocery shopping, though.”

Robbie chuckled. “On two conditions. One, you use my card—and I’ll be checking my bank statements to make sure you do. And two, pick up a couple gallons of Rocky Road while you’re out.”

Joy giggled and rolled her eyes. “Deal.”

Robbie handed over the credit card, watching Joy closely as she got up off his lap to securely pocket it. He let out a sigh.

“When did you grow up so much, anyway?” he asked. “I swear you were looking forward to middle school just last week! I know I favor my naps, but I don’t think I slept long enough for time to skip forward so much.”

She laughed at that. “Time flies when you’re having fun, right?”

Robbie hummed at that. “Yeah, I guess so. Just…tell it to slow down a bit. It doesn’t need to fly as fast as a jet…pigeon speed is just fine. Why risk getting air sick?”

“Bye, Papa. I’ll be back soon! You should take a break from whatever you’re reading so your eyes don’t get strained!” Joy said as she headed for the door.

“Y-yeah,” he answered dully, glancing over his shoulder at the corner of the book peeking out from under the sheet. “Thanks, sweetie.”

“See you soon. And don’t forget that break!”

“Yeah. See you in a bit.”

Robbie didn’t really take that break, at least not until Sportacus came to fetch him for dinner a couple hours later. This time he at least noticed the red lights. He put a bookmark in the giant tome before stowing it and an already-growing pile of notes away in a nearby desk. He locked the drawer, tucked the key away in a pocket, and headed out to see what sportscandy-laden monstrosity Sportacus had made for them all.

Dinner was quiet, but enjoyable. Sportacus gave a cheerful report on the games he had played with the town children that day. Joy talked about a book she had picked up from the library that she was enjoying, and Nadía decided to give everyone an update on how her solar system project was coming along.

“I still need to work on some of the math, and the asteroid belt is being a butt and a half to put together, but I’m making a lot of progress!” she said excitedly. “I should have it done by Friday night…that’ll give me the whole weekend to troubleshoot any problems before I turn it in Monday!”

“Good plan,” Robbie encouraged as he shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth. He kept talking to try and keep the sportscandy mixed into it from touching his tongue for too long. “Always good to run some tests first. Trust me, skipping that step _never_ ends well.” He smirked across the table at his husband. “Then again, if I hadn’t been so _lazy_ I’m sure one of my inventions would have run your pabbi out of town long before he had a chance to fall head over heels for me.”

There were giggles all around the table, as well as a fond smile paired with a mild blush from the blue elf himself. Sportacus turned to their youngest daughter.

“That project of yours sounds like a lot of work. I’m surprised your teacher would assign something so advanced.”

Nadía shrugged, suddenly not looking so eager to talk about her endeavors. “ _Well_ , I…might be doing a little more for it than what the teacher asked for,” she admitted. “But I want my assignment to be _good_! It’d be nice to get an A for a change,” she grumbled.

Sportacus gave his girl a sympathetic smile. He leaned over and ruffled her hair, getting a mildly annoyed look from his daughter in response.

“Your creativity never ceases to amaze me, Nadía,” he said with a smile. “You are very smart, don’t ever doubt that. Grades aren’t everything. My grades were never very spectacular when I was your age, either. I am very proud of you.”

The girl smiled sheepishly. “I just hope the teacher doesn’t get mad,” she admitted. “He seemed kind of ticked that I had nothing to work on when he gave us class time for it. He didn’t really appreciate the schematics I had on hand.”

“He’s an idiot.”

“ _Robbie_!” Sportacus quickly scolded.

He frowned. “What? He _is_! Nautical’s a genius and he always finds something to whine about during those stupid conference things. He’s just jealous because she’s smarter than he’ll ever be. The kid brought schematics to work on and I doubt he even knew what he was looking at.”

Sportacus’ lips were a thin, tight line as he listened to his husband.

Robbie just shrugged and continued. “She deserves better grades than he gives her. I’d like to see _him_ build an accurate moving model of the solar system if he’s so smart. It’d probably blow up in his face.”

“Nadía is _very_ smart, Robbie,” the hero said slowly, “But you shouldn’t say things like that about her teacher. I am sure he works very hard, and he only wants the best for his students. Nobody is perfect, Robbie.”

He rolled his eyes and took another bite of food, not wanting to admit how fond he had grown of potatoes over the years, especially mashed potatoes. Too bad the elf used as little butter as possible when he made them.

Sportacus just sighed at the former villain’s apparent indifference to his words.

“He probably doesn’t want the other kids to feel stupid,” Robbie compromised after a few awkward seconds. “Everyone else is probably making their planets out of papier-mâché or something, huh?” he asked, glancing over at his little girl.

Nadía gave a small shrug, though her mischievous smile gave away the true answer.

Robbie nodded toward her while keeping eye contact with Sportacus. “See? She’s leavin’ ‘em all in the dust and he doesn’t like it, that’s all.”

The hero sighed, shaking his head, though Robbie spotted the proud smile on his lips even when the elf tried to duck down and pretend he was focused on his food. Ha. Robbie wins another argument. He knocked his shoe lightly against Nadía’s foot in celebration. She returned the subtle gesture. Joy, meanwhile, looked like she was trying to hold in laughter as she listened to the rest of her family squabble about insignificancies.

This felt nice, a return to normalcy after what felt like an eternity of stress and uncertainty. And Robbie was determined to keep it this way. He and Sportacus with their playful arguments. Nadía’s academic trials and tribulations. Joy’s quiet amusement and occasional commentary that would usually grind everything to a halt in the best way possible. No Sportacus having to fear the possibilities of intimacy, no Robbie feeling helpless to ease the burden on his love’s heart, no children having to be worried about their parents’ problems. Just a family that loved one another and were able to live their lives without a second thought to the unnecessary darkness of reality. He knew what it would take to hold onto this forever; now, he just needed to figure out how to achieve it.

“Well, if Mr. Moranis doesn’t like, maybe the people judging the science fair will,” Joy pointed out.

Nadí’s eyes lit up at the sudden explosion of prospects that filled her mind. “ _Really_?” she asked excitedly. “You think?”

Ah, and there was Joy’s beautiful contribution, right on schedule.

“I think it’s a great idea!” Sportacus said happily, nearly rivaling his daughter’s excitement.

“Yeah!” Nadía cried. “Aw man, I gotta find out what to put with it! This is gonna be awesome!”

Robbie took another bite of food and listened to the beautiful sounds of his family. He would get back to finding a way to preserve their happiness the moment dinner was over.


	4. Chapter 4

Sportacus was no stranger to Robbie’s workaholic tendencies. He was used to the man locking himself in the workshop for hours on end, but days was excessive. Usually Sportacus went in to check on him, bring him something nutritious to eat while Robbie’s defenses were down, but this time was different. His husband had locked the door. Robbie _never_ locked the workshop door. And, despite his crystal remaining mysteriously silent, Sportacus was terribly worried.

“Robbie? Robbie, please open the door!”

The elf pressed the button again, then again, this time leaving his finger in place to make sure the lights inside were more than noticeable. He stood there, waiting, hoping to get a response. But none came.

“Robbie?” Sportacus sighed, hitting the silent bell again. “Please…answer.”

Nothing.

“Still nothing, Pabbi?”

Sportacus startled and quickly turned around, automatically trying to put on a strong face for his daughter.

“No, I’m afraid not,” he said quietly.

Joy sighed, shaking her head in what seemed to be disappointment. Sportacus swallowed, trying to figure out how to ask the young woman what he wanted so desperately to know while not worrying her further.

“You…wouldn’t happen to know what his new project was, do you?” he asked hopefully. “I’m afraid he didn’t mention this one to me.”

Joy looked mildly conflicted, but slowly shook her head. “I’m…not really sure,” she answered. “Last I saw he was studying or something. I’m not really sure what.”

“Studying?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Some book Grandpa Glanni gave him. I’m not sure what it was about.”

Sportacus didn’t like the sound of that, but he didn’t let the concern show. He had slowly learned to put more trust in Glanni over the years, thanks to both Robbie’s admiration for the man and his brother’s eternal infatuation with the half-fae. Even so, he didn’t really like the idea of the con—no, he reminded himself, _ex_ -con—giving his husband a secret book that was keeping Robbie walled off in his workshop for days on end for reasons unknown.

“That…must be it, then,” Sportacus heard himself say as he looked for a way to politely end the conversation with his little girl. “I guess he will come out once he’s finished reading. “

Joy gave a supportive smile and a quick nod. “I’ll make a cake,” she offered. “Maybe Papa’s super sugar senses’ll make him smell it and come out,” she joked with what Sportacus could swear was a hint of poorly masked concern that he wasn’t sure if he should actively address in the moment or not.

“That might not be a bad idea,” he agreed with a forced smile. “You’re brilliant, Joy.”

She laughed at that. “Thanks, Pabbi. I’m going to the library for a bit before dinner. We have a group project coming up and everyone wanted to meet up there.”

Sportacus nodded. “You have fun, then. Just be back in time for dinner,” he said automatically, though he knew Joy was probably the last person who needed such a reminder.

“Bye, Pabbi,” she said, giving Sportacus a kiss on his cheek before  turning away. “Good luck with Papa.”

The hero nodded, absently wondering at what point Joy had no longer needed to stand on her toes to give him that kiss. It was bad enough that Stephanie had grown up to be an inch or two taller than him; he didn’t need his own children following suit so quickly.

Sportacus turned back to the workshop door, staring at the glowing green light above the doorway…his only indication that the love of his life was inside doing only heaven-knew-what with his cousin’s book. The man tried the silent bell again, hoping that Robbie would emerge. But, it was no use. With a heavy sigh, Sportacus rubbed the casing of his crystal and turned away from the door.

He didn’t see Robbie until later that night, well after leaving out a carefully arranged and covered plate of their family dinner for Robbie to find when he finally emerged, and long after the clock read 8:08. Sportacus shifted in his sleep when the mattress settled beside him. The hero rolled over, squinting sleepily in the darkness to make out his husband’s silhouette.

“Robbie?” he asked in a tired, hoarse voice.

“Go back to sleep, Sportanap. It’s late for you.”

“Wh-what time is it?”

“Too early for you to be up yet.” Sportacus felt gentle lips on his forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

The hero wrapped an arm around Robbie’s hip and pulled him closer. “Where were you?” he asked quietly, doing his best to fight off sleep now that he _finally_ had his husband back in his arms.

“Workshop.” Robbie paused only a moment. “I’m sorry. I was…wrapped up in a project.”

“You locked the door,” Sportacus said sadly. “What if you had been in trouble and I couldn’t get to you?”

“No trouble, Sportasweet. I’m sorry. I promise wasn’t working with anything dangerous. But…I’m sorry.”

Sportacus had the fleeting thought that he was glad that apologies had become easier for Robbie to say over the years. It was nice, made him feel loved, in some strange way. He still remembered when the man could barely _say_ the word without his pride getting in the way.

“What are you working on?”

Robbie didn’t answer right away. Sportacus held him close, nuzzling into the man’s chest and breathing in the scent he’d missed so much lately. Sweetness mixed with a hint of oil…his Robbie.

Sportacus didn’t like the delay in his partner’s response. It made him start to worry all over again. Robbie said he hadn’t been working with anything dangerous, but their definitions of ‘dangerous’ might be very different, he realized…

“I can’t really say,” Robbie sighed after a little while. “It’s a…surprise.”

“A surprise?” He felt Robbie nod above him.

“This project is…important to me,” Robbie said softly as he wrapped his arms around his husband and melted back into his pillows. “It’s special. Needs my full attention.”

“Just don’t overdue it,” Sportacus replied. Though he didn’t like the sound of whatever this secret project might be, he was trying his best to trust the man he loved and not question him about it. “I worry. The girls worry, too.”

“They worry _too much_ ,” he agreed with a yawn. “When did they grow up, anyway?”

Sportacus gave a sleepy chuckle. “I’m not sure.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Me n-ei-either,” Sportacus replied, trying to speak around an enormous yawn that overtook him.

Robbie just smiled. “Told you to go back to sleep.”

“Missed you…”

Robbie kissed Sportacus’ hair. “Sorry. I missed you, too.”

The elf tried to say something else, his voice slurred, more of a hum than words. He nestled into his love and relished the feel of Robbie’s strong arms around him.

The next hew knew, it was morning and Robbie was gone again.

“ _Hva_ _ð_?” Sportacus asked as she sat up abruptly, looking around. “Robbie?”

He vaulted out of bed, flipping over the foot of it and, once upright, looked around. Their bedroom wasn’t big by any means, rather small and cozy, actually, but…Robbie was never up in the morning, not if the man could help it. He had to be around here somewhere.

“Robbie? Where are you?”

The hero wandered out to the balcony-hallway hybrid just outside their room and looked out over the main area of the lair. Nadía looked up when she noticed the presence of blue overhead and flashed him a smile as she waved.

“Morning, Dad! Wanna see my solar system? I think it’s done!”

He forced a smile, trying to hide his previous disappointment and concern in light of such news. “Just a minute!”

He rubbed his hands together as his pride and excitement to see his daughter’s creation grew. He backed up a step before jumping from the balcony, flipping head-over-heels as he soared through the air and landed gently on the floor below. His fists rested on his hips as he smiled down at his youngest.

“You’re all done with it?”

Nadía nodded excitedly. “Yeah! I woke up super early to finish ‘cause I wanted to make sure I got it all done on schedule. Dad even helped me put the finishing touches on it before he went back to work.”

Sportacus glanced toward the door to Robbie’s workshop. Sure enough, the _in use_ light was on again. He couldn’t help but frown at the sight of it.

“…We had breakfast, at least,” the young girl said softly. “Could be worse, right?”

Sportacus smiled for her and nodded, ruffling her hair. Uncharacteristically, she didn’t fuss over it.

“At least he had something to eat,” he agreed.

Nadía shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other. “…You…still wanna see my solar system?”

“Of course, Nadía. I can’t wait to see it—you’ve been working so hard I know it will be wonderful! Where is it?”

The girl grinned and lead her pabbi down to her room, which looked more like a miniature of Robbie’s workshop than a child’s bedroom, if he were being honest. There was a bed, of course, a dresser, posters, toys, dolls, and a very messy-looking closet with an overflowing laundry basket that Sportacus would have to mention to her later. Unlike most other children’s bedrooms, though, there was also a long desk—a workbench, really—against one wall. It was covered in tools, scraps of notebook paper, random bits of wood and metal, as well as various organizers for nails, screws, bolts, and whatever else she and her villainous father used to make their imaginative creations.

In the middle of the bench sat a surprisingly large and delicate-looking structure made of mostly metal, though the spherical bodies fastened to the various wires and armatures looked to be made of wood. It looked like something out of one of his girls’ science fiction novels…which might have very well been the inspiration for the design in the first place, now that he thought of it. If it was on a bigger scale, Sportacus could easily see his daughter’s creation being the main attraction of some fancy science museum. The mere thought made him a little giddy.

“Wow, Nadía,” he marveled, walking further into the room to get a better look. “This is gorgeous! I am impressed…you really did this all by yourself?”

The young girl shrugged. “Dad helped a little…but it was _mostly_ me!”

“This is great!” Sportacus bounced in place, trying to channel his energy into something subtle, something that didn’t involve potentially disastrous flips so close to such an intricate piece of art. “ _Amazing_ , even! I’m so proud of you!”

Sportacus grabbed his daughter close and kissed the top of her head. The child looked like she wanted to beat him away, but settled for rolling her eyes and letting her face turn an adorable shade of red.

“ _Pabbi_ ,” she whined. “You haven’t even seen it move yet!”

The hero gasped, eyes sparkling with the realization. “You’re right! I forgot you said that it moved!” He sat down on the edge of his girl’s bed, one leg bouncing in anticipation. “Show me!”

Nadía grinned excitedly and reached for a nearby remote laying near her project. A long, thin wire ran from the box in her hand to the thick base, disappearing somewhere inside. She turned to her father and cleared her throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” she began, projecting her now slightly deepened voice for dramatic effect, “Boys and girls! Children of _all_ ages—that means you, Pabbi—” Sportacus giggled at his little girl’s antics. “Behold! The scientific wonder that is…our _solar system_!”

With concentrated determination, the young girl carefully turned a knob and, with a deep breath, brought her index finger down upon the button below it. She looked up at her creation, biting her lower lip while her father leaned forward with eyes of wonder.

The model slowly came to life, the various planets and moons rotating around one another and the large sphere in the center of it all. It took a few seconds for the mechanics to reach its programed speed, but everything seemed to run smoothly from there. Sportacus watched in childlike amazement at all the intricate moving parts in front of him. The moons spinning, the planets following along their predetermined tracks around the center point. Even the individual asteroids Nadía had built bobbed and shifted as the entire belt rotated right along with everything else. The girl’s attention to detail was simply astounding and Sportacus couldn’t help but let his chest swell with such pride that he was sure that it was going to burst.

“D-do you like it?” the little girl asked nervously, looking up at her father with a shy smile. “I mean, I know the sun’s not to scale at all, b-but I didn’t want it to take away from being able to see everything else, and…and I didn’t include any comets or the planets they hypothesize are out there, a-and I’m sure my math is probably at least a _little_ off ‘cause I had to estimate some things and—”

“Nadía, this is _amazing_ , sweetheart!” Sportacus interrupted, reaching out for the girl and, after she had set her remote down, pulled her into a gigantic hug. “I’m _so_ proud of you! I could _never_ build something like this. You put so much work into it and it _really_ shows! This is something very special. If Mr. Moranis doesn’t give you an A, I think I may actually have to agree with your daddy that he _is_ crazy.”

She giggled, returning the hug with gusto. “Dad didn’t call him crazy, he called him an—”

“ _The point is,_ ” Sportacus laughed, “Is this is remarkable, Nadía, and you are a remarkable little girl. And I am _so_ proud to be your pabbi.”

Nadía blushed again, this time with a brilliant smile to go along with it. She hugged Sportacus again. “I love you, Pabbi.”

“I love you, too, sweetie.”

“I still gotta paint it, though.” She pulled back so she could go turn off her creation. “Next time Dad leaves his workshop I’m gonna ask if I can use some of his paints. You think he’ll let me?”

The next time Robbie came out of his workshop.

Sportacus could feel his smile starting to shrink as his thoughts drifted back to his husband and his mysterious project. He hoped Robbie wouldn’t keep himself locked up in that room all day again. It was strange, living together and yet…not seeing one another. Sportacus shouldn’t miss his husband when he _knew_ the man was just a few feet away…yet just beyond his reach. When had Robbie started locking his workshop door, anyway? The entire thing was too troubling for the hero to think about.

“Pabbi?”

He blinked, shaking his head as his daughter’s voice grounded him once again.

“You okay?”

Sportacus smiled for her and nodded. “Just fine! I’m just still marveling at everything you’ve worked on here. It’s beautiful!”

The girl looked a little _too_ innocent as she smiled at him, swaying a bit where she stood and playing with the hem of her shirt. “Well...since I’m finally all done with my _super hard_ project that took me _forever_ to do, um…do you think maybe we could do something today maybe?”

Sportacus cocked an eyebrow. “Oh?” he asked. “Like what?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, something…different than usual. Like…going shopping, or…doing something in the city…maybe? You know, just…something for doing _all_ that hard work when I _could_ have been out doing, uh, _not-school-related_ stuff instead, ya know?”

The hero rolled his eyes, hands on his hips once he hopped back to his feet. “That sounds like you might be trying to be a little manipulative, Nadía,” he said plainly.

His daughter’s expression didn’t change. She simply shrugged and put her hands on her own hips. “I take after Dad, what can I say?” The girl shrugged. “So can we do something today? Just you and me and maybe Joy if we can get her to stop studying long enough? Please?”

The hero sighed, shaking his head in fond amusement. “You _have_ both been working very hard,” he admitted. “Alright. You go see if your sister is awake. I’ll take care of Petunia, Handstand, and the others and we’ll discuss it over break— _oomph_!”

The elf instinctively wrapped his arms around his daughter when she tackled his midsection in a crushing hug. The girl let go only a moment later and ran for her bedroom door.

“I’m gonna go wake up Joy!” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared.

Sportacus laughed and, after striking a quick pose, hurried off himself to complete his morning chores with the animals so he could have a healthy breakfast with his children and discuss the day ahead of them. And hopefully push his concerns about Robbie to the back of his mind for as long as possible. He quietly looked over at the workshop door and its green light once more before climbing up the silo ladder. Sportacus couldn’t help but wonder—and worry about—what on earth Robbie might be getting himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels like it's all filler but I couldn't bring myself to edit any of it out. Domestic life fluff GO!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long. I'd hoped to have this sucker done by October 1 but--LOL!--that's not gonna happen. This fic was originally going to be 5-6 chapters, but fluffy filler kept writing itself. It's gotten to the point where the filler is generating more filler, good God why?!
> 
> I'll start getting back on track by the end of chapter 6. Hopefully this'll end up being ~8 chapters in total. We'll see what the story tells me.

He loved that Joy and Nadía had so many friends and such rich social lives. He really did. But…Sportacus had to admit that he didn’t like spending his evenings alone. He used to spend so many nights alone in his airship—all of them, in fact—but life had changed over the past decade, and he had grown so used to spending his time playing with Nadía in the airship, or listening to Joy tell him all about her new favorite book or the latest news from school, or his favorite…family movie nights. The two girls sharing a bowl of popcorn while he cycled on his stationary bike and held Robbie’s hand, the tall man lounging in the recliner next to him. Sportacus loved nights like that. He loved spending time with his children, and he loved being so close to his Robbie.

The elf glanced toward the workshop. The _in use_ light practically hurt his eyes to look at now adays. Sportacus hated that light more than he thought any person should be _able_ to hate a simple light bulb. It had been almost three weeks of this madness, now. He had barely _seen_ Robbie in days, almost exclusively when the villain climbed into bed too-late at night and Sportacus couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to enjoy it. Sometimes he wondered if he’d dreamed Robbie’s presence there, the only evidence being his love’s scent left on the pillow. Only once had Robbie still been there when he awoke, and Sportacus hadn’t had the heart to wake him no matter how much his own heart ached to see the man’s beautiful grey eyes again. His husband had retreated back to the workshop—the locked workshop—by the time Sportacus had finished with the morning chores.

He felt like he was being punished for some sin he had unknowingly committed. Why was Robbie acting like this? Obsessing over a new invention was one thing, but this had surpassed even his worst cases of overworking himself. And _never_ since the workshop had been built had Robbie ever locked the door on the family, much less weeks. Sportacus knew something was wrong and he hated how helpless he was to do anything about it. He just knew that he was worried. And he missed his husband.

The once-familiar sound of a door creaking open and closing again reached Sportacus’ ears, immediately bringing the elf out of his own head and back to the laundry he had been tossing about the room with ease. The socks that had been thrown into the air came down to flop on his head as he turned his attention back to the hallway.

“Robbie?”

Sportacus pulled the bits of clothing from his crown and hurried out to the main room of the lair. He paused in the doorway, watching his love as Robbie loudly cracked his neck. The man stretched his arms over his head, his back popping terribly as he did so, and let out a giant yawn to match. He shook his head and started toward the kitchen, unfocused eyes not even noticing Sportacus’ presence.

“Robbie!”

The villain stopped short, blinking heavily as he turned toward the man standing only a few feet away. Sportacus’ eyes were wide, a mix of disbelief and utter relief battling for dominance of his face. The hero nearly gasped as he quickly crossed the room and wrapped his arms around his husband. Robbie blinked in surprise, more awake now that he had a grown elf clinging to him. He hesitantly reached his arms around his partner and softly patted Sportacus’ back as the man buried their face into his neck.

“Ah…h-hi, Sportabuddy. To…what do I owe all the hugging? Not that I’m complaining, but—”

“I haven’t seen you in _ages_!” Sportacus interrupted, his voice uncharacteristically squeaky.

Robbie furrowed his brow. “What are you talking about? We talked in bed just last…” His voice trailed off for a moment as his mind wandered. “That…wasn’t last night, was it?” he quietly asked after a long second.

Sportacus shook his head and pulled back just enough to look Robbie in the eye. “It wasn’t even this _week_. You’ve locked yourself away for almost a _month_ , Robbie! What are you _doing_ in there? The girls and I have been so worried!”

The tall man cringed, folding in on himself as much as physically possible while Sportacus was still glued to his person. He diverted his eyes to the orange chair across the room and appeared to be trying to think of something to say. Sportacus didn’t like how long it was taking.

“ _Robbie_!” he said again, now starting to both look and sound more cross than relieved. “No one has gotten so much of a hello from you in almost a week now. The girls keep asking if you’ve come out, the kids keep asking when you’re going to play with them again. I—I’ve _missed you_ , Robbie! You’ve been scaring me staying locked up like this. What’s so important that you’ve locked the door?”

When Robbie’s nose started twitching, Sportacus outright frowned. He finally released the man.

“What are you working on?” he demanded.

“It’s uh…” Robbie started to wring his hands as he spoke, his knees wobbling slightly where he stood. “It’s a sur—”

Sportacus held up a hand. “Don’t say surprise.”

“But it…it was supposed to be.”

The hero’s fists were at his hips now. “Robbie, you…you’ve closed yourself off from your _entire family_ for weeks! We deserve to know why. It’s one thing to do this to me, but Nadía and Joy shouldn’t have to worry about their father being locked in a room for heaven knows how long and— _arg_!” The elf grit his teeth and growled, trying to calm the anger that had started to bubble to the surface. “ _Það veit ekki hvað ég gerði rangt en þetta er ekki sanngjarnt fyrir neinn! Ég veit ekki hvað ég á að gera og það er hræddur við mig!_ “

Robbie just stared. Sportacus sighed, breathing slowly for a moment while his husband fidgeted nervously. His anger vented enough to calm his tone, the hero tried speaking again.

“Why, Robbie?”

Now it was the villain’s turn to let out a heavy sigh. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he thought over what he was going to say to his partner.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sportacus ventured worriedly.

That seemed to catch Robbie’s attention. His head snapped up. “ _Wrong_?” he asked dumbly.

The hero shrugged. “I don’t know what else to think,” he admitted, his cheeks feeling warm. “What surprise could be so important that you…that you’ve _abandoned_ us like this? Nadía wanted to show you the A that she got for her solar system but you were locked in your workshop and wouldn’t come out. Joy’s been beside herself with worry without being able to see you. And…and I’ve…I’ve been lonely.”

Robbie rubbed his hands over his face, moaning something into his palms that Sportacus couldn’t make out. It wasn’t long before the villain’s arms were dangling limply at his sides, seemingly with no energy left to manipulate them. Robbie stared at his husband with hunched shoulders and a look of pained guilt written across his face. Sportacus didn’t move; he waited for a response, an answer, some kind of explanation as to what had taken over his husband’s life so thoroughly that he had all but disappeared from their lives. He tried to ignore how blurry Robbie was getting.

“I’m s-sorry.”

It was a start , but Sportacus needed more. His heart hurt and he deserved to know why. “Just _sorry_?” he asked, voice quiet and even. He blinked away the moisture trying to obscure his vision.

Robbie shivered at the tone. “I…I can’t explain. N-not yet. It’s important, I promise. It really is. But…but I guess I got too wrapped up.” He rubbed one arm as his eyes tried to find something not-Sportacus to focus on while he spoke. “I guess I don’t really have a good excuse for how I’ve been acting. I…I didn’t realize what I was doing to everybody. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset everyone.”

Sportacus swallowed, struggling to keep his voice steady. “You should tell that to our daughters.”

Robbie bit his lip and hung his head. “Y-yes,” he admitted quietly, his nose twitching as he was overcome by thought and emotion. “I feel awful.” He glanced back toward his workshop and ran his hand over his face again. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Sportacus.” He looked back at his husband. “I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.”

He never did, did he? Sportacus felt his shoulders begin to relax. Even when Robbie had been _trying_ to be a dastardly villain, he had never wanted to truly harm anyone, just restore his way of life that had been thrown into disarray at Sportacus’ arrival. It had taken Sportacus an embarrassingly long amount of time to understand the villain’s true motives back then, and he suddenly realized that history was probably repeating itself to some degree. If Robbie hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone when he was _trying_ to be terrible, what made him think that the man he loved would be trying to hurt their family _now_?

“I just wanted to make things better,” Robbie continued in sad defeat. “Honest. I...this was supposed to be a _good_ thing. I guess I lost myself and…made another mess of things. _Ugh_. Good job, Robbie…”

Sportacus couldn’t hear the rest of Robbie’s grumblings, but it was undoubtedly something self-depreciating, and the elf did _not_ like the thought of that. He took a step closer, taking Robbie’s hand in his own and giving it a squeeze to call the taller man’s attention to him. Sportacus smiled softly through moist eyes.

“It’s okay, Robbie. I shouldn’t have been upset. I know you didn’t mean to—”

“ _No, no_!” the villain interrupted. “You have every _right_ to be upset! D-don’t apologize f-for being _lonely_! I…” He sighed. “I’ve missed you, too. I just didn’t realize how bad it’d gotten.” Robbie swallowed, his lips twitching in their adorably nervous way. “I’ll…I’ll slow down. I’ll be here, I promise.”

Sportacus blinked in surprise when the man let go of his hand, only to wrap the elf in an abrupt hug. Robbie buried his face in Sportacus’ hat while the hero gave a light laugh and rubbed his husband’s back. He did his best not to cry, though he did feel Robbie’s collar growing slightly damp as they stood together. The hero pressed his cheek into Robbie’s shoulder and took a deep, calming breath. The smell of steel, sugar, and mild sweat filled his nostrils. He had his Robbie back. He nuzzled as close as he could, feeling so much better already.

“I love you, Robbie,” he said quietly.

“I love you, you stupid elf,” Robbie chuckled in return, his voice a bit weak. “I really do…”

“I know, Robbie. It’s okay.”

Sportacus felt the man tremble in his arms, and it took a soft whine reaching his ears to realize that the former villain was crying. He held his partner tight against his body in response.

“Robbie, it’s alright. I’m not angry.”

“That almost makes it worse!” the man pouted.

Sportacus began to sway gently on his feet, rocking his love in an attempt to banish some of the pain. He had his Robbie back, that was all that mattered. Things were okay again, and they were a family, and he loved his villain so, so much.

“The girls should be getting home from school soon,” Sportacus said gently before delivering a tender kiss to the taller man’s neck. “We should do something special tonight. What do you think?”

Robbie nodded, probably leaving a bit of snot on the hero’s cap before he pulled away and gave a sniffle. “Y-yeah.”

“Movie night?” the shorter of the pair suggested as he reached up to wipe the moisture away from the corners of Robbie’s eyes.

“No.” The villain took over Sportacus’ task, pulling a handkerchief out of a pocket to clear himself up. “No, something better than that. Wh-what day is it now?”

“Friday.”

Sportacus felt a warmth in his chest at seeing Robbie smile from the news. It was a weak, crooked smile, but it was a Robbie smile, and he had so sorely missed those.

“Good, good. I…” His speech halted for a moment as he thought over a few ideas, tapping his handsomely prominent chin as he did so. “W-What would you say to a campout, Sportasweet?”

The hero beamed at the pet name. “That sounds perfect.”

“Yes!” Robbie threw up his hands in new excitement as they both recovered the high emotions from just moments ago. “You start parking! I’ll get the good stuff ready!”

He snickered. “Good stuff?”

“Yes! You know, the _fun_ things instead of all the practical nonsense. You’re the hero, that’s your job!”

“Okay, Robbie,” Sportacus laughed, happy to see his husband so jovial again.

Robbie started hurrying off toward the workshop again. He halted himself quickly enough to nearly topple over, then promptly turned around to stalk back to where Sportacus was still standing. “I love you,” he repeated before giving his love a quick kiss and returning to what he had been doing.

Sportacus felt a fluttering sensation in his chest as he watched the tall man go. He gave a content sigh, smiled, and started backflipping his way to the laundry room to finish up his chore before packing. A campout. With Robbie and the girls. He couldn’t wait!

Sportacus quickly finished pulling the fresh and fluffy clothes from the dryer, expertly tossing them overhead so that they would be perfectly folded by the time they landed. He caught the stack of shirts without effort and, gazing down at the cartoonish kitten on one of Joy’s favorites, and realized that he could kill two birds with one stone, as Robbie had told him the saying went. The elf wasn’t a big fan of the idiom’s imagery, but he had to admit he appreciated the meaning behind it. Laundry in hand, Sportacus hurried to fetch the girls’ scouting packs to have everything ready by the time they got home from school.

This was going to be wonderful—an entire overnight trip with his entire family. After the past few weeks of stress, loneliness, and worry, they would all finally have a fun-filled night of relaxation and family time. He had needed a night like this. Sportacus was sure that they had _all_ needed a night like this. The mystery of Robbie’s project already fading from the forefront of his mind, Sportacus’ thoughts were already abuzz with ideas for the perfect camping spot, games they could play, the perfect meal to make that the girls would love and that Robbie would, hopefully, eat alongside them. Part of him always felt a little guilty for all but forcing healthier foods upon his partner, but it was for Robbie’s own good. And, the hero had to admit, it always made his lovesick heart flutter a bit seeing the former villain humor him and take a bite of whatever he had made, just to make him happy. Sometimes Sportacus couldn’t believe he had the life he did, and he loved that.

“Dad?”

“Papa!”

The sound of his daughters’ voices cut through Sportacus’ concentration. He looked up from where he was busy packing the girls’ bags with weather-appropriate clothing and making sure their packs’ standard camping supplies were still in good order. The sounds of their squeals mixed with Robbie’s strained voice—no doubt due to fending off a pair of forceful hugs—brought a smile to his face. Quickly, the hero made sure everything was up to standard so he could go out to meet his family.

“I missed you!”

“You’re out of the workshop!”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why were you _in_ there for so long?”

“You’re going to stay out for dinner tonight, right?”

Sportacus came around the corner just in time to watch his husband take a knee in front of their children. It was an odd sight to see Robbie have to look _up_ at the girls for once. He took one of their hands in each of his before speaking.

“I’m sorry I was in there so long, girls. I didn’t mean to be. I…didn’t mean to make you two or your pabbi feel like I was ignoring you.”

Nadía gave a small shrug. “It’s okay, Dad. We know you get wrapped up in—”

Robbie sternly shook his head. “No, Nadía. That’s no excuse. I let myself get _too_ carried away and you’ve all been paying for it. That’s not fair and you both deserve better.” He pulled them both into a tender hug that made Sportacus’ chest happily tighten from the mere sight. “I promise I’ll do better, okay? I love you two. You’re my brats and you deserve the best.”

Joy laughed and hugged her father and sister close. Sportacus could only just hear her whispered “I love you, Papa.”

“I love _you_ , Soy bean,” Robbie teased, giving each of their temples a tender kiss. “And you, too, Naughty-ah.”

Sportacus couldn’t help but let out a small giggle to release some of the joy in his chest before it burst.

Joy looked up first. “Pabbi!”

Nadía’s head soon appeared over her sister’s shoulder. “What’re the bags for?” she asked curiously. “Oh, wow, I haven’t seen those in _forever_!”

Sportacus looked down at the pair of camping packs still in his hands.

“Well, because you’ll need them!” Robbie proclaimed loudly, getting to his feet and recapturing their daughters’ attention.

“Need them?” the older of the two asked curiously.

“Of course!” Robbie said with a mischievous grin. “You don’t want to forget anything at home while we’re—” The man suddenly twirled, spinning around, faster and faster, until coming to an abrupt stop. His usual stripes were suddenly replaced with khaki pants, a pale blue shirt, maroon neckerchief, and a  brown scout master’s hat complete with a beautifully long turkey feather. “—having a family camp out!”

Both of the girls gasped in surprised delight. Joy covered her mouth while her littler sister’s eyes looked like they might just pop out of her head.

“ _Really_?” Nadía squealed. “We’re going camping? For real?”

“It was your dad’s idea,” Sportacus supplied as he finally approached the group. “I guess you both think it’s a great idea, too?” he laughed.

Nadía’s head nodded so forcefully one might mistake her for a bobblehead. Joy clapped her hands and bounced on the balls of her feet. Sportacus held out their packs for each girl to claim.

“Make sure I got everything. There’s a little room left in case you want to bring anything else with you.”

“Thanks, Pabbi!” Joy squealed happily.

“Yeah, thanks, be right back!” Nadía said hurriedly before grabbing her older sister’s hand and dragging her off toward their rooms. “We gotta coordinate!”

Robbie stood and watched his little girls dash off together, arms folded comfortably over his swelled chest. He smiled down at the elf by his side. Sportacus bounced up on his toes to give his husband a soft peck on the lips.

“I think they like the idea of going camping,” Robbie chuckled.

“Maybe even more than I do,” the hero teased. “I’ll go pack our things and get some food while the girls finish getting ready.”

Robbie made a face and shuddered. “That sounds like I need to pack extra chocolate to make up for it.”

Sportacus just laughed.

Robbie leaned in close, briefly slipping a long-fingered hand around the elf’s waist. “I’ll make things up to all of you, I promise,” he nearly whispered before giving the shorter man a small kiss.

“You already have,” Sportacus assured him in return. He gave Robbie a few quick kisses and—a bit reluctantly—pulled away to go get their things.

Robbie waved his arms, calling after his bouncing husband as Sportacus flipped away in the direction of their bedroom ladder. “Don’t forget to pack my favorite pillow! B-but put a cover on it! I don’t want nasty creepy crawlies getting in the fur!”

“Okay, Robbie!” Sportacus called back happily with a slight eye roll.

He hurried up to their room, pulling out the necessities and minor luxuries he knew Robbie would want to have with him on their little excursion. Arms full, he brought them out to his docked ship to pack the scouting bags he kept on board. Robbie had never been interested enough to officially get his own, but Sportacus luckily had a spare the other man had claimed on past trips. Both packs might have been originally blue, but it was obvious which of them Robbie had chosen, given one’s purple tint. It was faded after so much time, the result of a tie-dye day they had done with the girls a couple of years ago, but no less loved than its former twin.

“What’s taking you, Sportasnail?” Robbie’s voice called from below. “We’re waiting!”

“Oh!” Sportacus laughed to himself as he closed up his pack. “Time to go!”

He slung the straps over his shoulders, grabbed up Robbie’s pack, and hurried back down to meet up with his family.

“Ready, Pabbi?” Joy asked happily as he helped Robbie into his scouting pack.

“You all get a head start. I’m going to grab some things for dinner and I’ll catch up in a jiffy!”

“Okay!”

“Sure!”

“Well,” Robbie said, saluting his two girls. “We’ll be one man down for the first leg of our journey, but a good LazyScout Master presses on! Follow me, troops!”

The girls giggled as their father started marching toward the silo ladder and hurried after him. Sportacus watched them go, feeling a little misty-eyed for reasons he didn’t quite understand. He shook his head, skipped, and launched into a flip to go raid the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How this chapter became so long I have no idea. But I doubt anyone will complain.
> 
> Next chapter we finally get back to the original plot that was supposed to be, like, chapter 4 when I first planned things out XD

It had taken them longer than expected to find the perfect place to pitch their tents. Robbie had, of course, dramatically collapsed across a nearly log and insisted that he was too tired from the short hike to get up and help Sportacus with the task. The hero pretended not to notice how his husband watched him continually from behind with a relaxed smile. It made Sportacus feel good to have Robbie’s eyes still on him after all their time together.

“Can we go swimming?” Joy asked excitedly. “We brought our swimsuits!”

Sportacus’ thoughts suddenly flashed back to a lifetime of swimming excursions. So many trips full of stares, explanations, feeling so self-conscious that he would leave the event entirely. Their encounter with Gabriel only years earlier. The hero shuddered.

“I didn’t bring mine, but you two knock yourselves out,” Robbie yawned from his log. “But don’t go too far. I don’t want you going to the other side of the pond where we can’t see.”

“Pabbi’s crystal would go off if anything bad happened,” Nadía whined.

The elf pulled himself out of his thoughts to address his children. “I would rather you two be safe than rely solely on my crystal. A hero’s crystal is there to alert them to otherwise unavoidable danger, not to act a replacement for being safe and aware.”

His youngest pouted while her older sister tugged on her arm. “Don’t worry, Pabbi. I’ll watch out for the both of us. Come on, Nadía, let’s go get changed.”

“Nice lecture, Sportasafety,” Robbie said after the pair had gone. He flashed his partner a thankful smile. “I think Naddy’s going to try and hit her rebellious teenage years earlier than most. Can’t say I’m too excited for that.”

Sportacus chuckled as he finished tying off the last tent stake. “Me neither. I just hope she remembers to be smart about things.”

Robbie nodded in agreement before sitting upright again and stretching. His back popped loudly, soon followed by his shoulders and elbows once he stretched out his long arms. For good measure, he cracked his neck, too. Sportacus shivered at the sound and made a face.

“So, what horribly healthy thing are you planning for dinner?” the former villain asked curiously. “Is any of it edible?”

Sportacus pulled a wide pan from his pack before reaching back in for a few small bags of food. He smiled over at Robbie, who crossed the short distance to peek over the elf’s shoulder. Sportacus sat back on his heels and held up each item for Robbie as they emerged.

“Potatoes, green beans, corn, cheese, cherry tomatoes, and chicken! Do you think that’s enough? I’m not sure if I overdid it. Sometimes I get carried away…”

“Really?” Robbie asked with feigned shock. “I hadn’t noticed! _You_ , Sportaoverkill? _Never_!”

Sportacus gave his husband a playful shove and a silly smile before getting to his feet. Together, they chopped up the potatoes, set out some foil, and started making dinner. Robbie carefully created a small fire pit, cultivating some coals at the edge for when Sportacus would be finished getting everything ready to cook. The hero watched his villain out of the corner of his eye, spying as Robbie pulled what looked like a few food items from his own pack. Unhealthy things for himself and the girls, undoubtedly. It was a war between them at dinnertime, but it was a war both had learned to enjoy over the years.

“Sounds like the girls’ll be back soon,” Robbie noted, and Sportacus realized that the shrieks and giggles beyond the trees had calmed down over the last minute or two.

“I guess that means it’s time to get things cooking,” he said as he gathered up his little foil packets to nestle them amongst the coals.

Like a herd of thundering cattle, the two girls soon burst into the campsite in a fit of laughter and shouted teasing. It made Sportacus’ chest warm with love to see the pair so happy again. Nadía must have said something silly just before they came into full view, because Joy promptly stuck her tongue out at her little sister and threw her towel at the other girl’s face.

“Hey, it wasn’t _that_ bad!” the elven child protested, her voice muffled by the damp fabric.

“Yeah, yeah, shut it,” Joy shot back with a good-natured smile.

Sportacus rolled his eyes at the pair’s faux squabbling. As old as Joy was—just on the cusp of adulthood, he reluctantly acknowledged—she still felt _young_ , still a child at heart despite her maturity. She loved her little sister, and she loved her fathers. And, oh, how he loved her back. Sportacus couldn’t imagine his family without her being a part of it. Both of them. His girls had come to he and Robbie like a gift from the heavens, a family meant to be, and Sportacus was so grateful for having them all in his life.

“What smells so good?” his eldest asked curiously as she came closer, soon spotting the foil.

“Your pabbi’s nasty health dinner,” Robbie answered with a wrinkled nose. “But don’t worry, I came prepared to save the evening.”

The man pulled a few packages out of his scouting pack, setting them out on a small fold-out table Sportacus hadn’t seen until that moment. The elf made a face at the mound of chocolate bars and giant bag of marshmallows sitting beside a few tubs.

“S’mores?” Nadía questioned, a hint of nervousness in her voice that matched her slightly drooped ears. “I-is there something _I_ can—?”

“What kind of dad would I _be_ if I didn’t make sure my little engineer got some _real_ brain food?” Robbie asked, pulling the lid off of one of his tubs.

He picked up the bit of Tupperware and tilted it toward the girls so they could see inside. Curious, Sportacus craned his neck to try and get a peek himself. He couldn’t see much from where he stood, but it looked like…little white cubes? Not tofu, but similar. That was…strange.

“What are those?” Joy asked.

“While your pabbi was off taking care of all the _boring_ stuff, I whipped up some things I’ve been looking to try out for Naddy and the bouncing blueberry.” The villain sat up a little straighter, clearly proud of his creation. “ _These_ , girls, are sugar-free marshmallow substitutes. So no one has to miss out on any fun ever again!”

Nadía’s eyes widened, mirroring Sportacus’ shocked expression a few feet away.

“R-really?” the girl asked.

“Really. And homemade crackers. I, uh, tried to make a chocolate substitute but I’m not sure how well it turned out,” he said, nodding over at the remaining containers on the little table. “It may not _exactly_ be a sugar-free s’mores equivalent, but…I tried. I hope they’re okay.”

“Daddy, this is _amazing_!” Nadía cried in excitement. “Thank you so much!”

Robbie barely had enough time to put the container of marshmallow substitutes  down before their daughter threw herself upon him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Robbie took a moment to recover from the shock of it all before he was able to slowly, awkwardly, wrap his arms around the girl and allow himself to sink into her unbridled affections. Sportacus and Joy watched from afar while sharing a bright smile between them.

“Can I have one _now_?” Nadía asked excitedly.

“Ah—desserts come _after_ dinner,” Sportacus reminded her gently.

“Aw nuts,” she mumbled, slipping off of Robbie with a dejected look and hunched shoulders.

“Spoilsportacus,” Robbie grumbled at his husband.

The hero shrugged helplessly. “Dinner is almost done!” he cried in defense. He already felt guilty for depriving the girl of a new treat.

Joy quickly came to his rescue. “How about _Pabbi_ has to eat one before _anybody else_?” she asked with a smirk. “He can’t back out of trying one and _has_ to eat something unhealthy!”

Robbie looked nearly inhuman with how widely the man was suddenly grinning with the idea. “Oh,” he said in a low, dangerous voice that sent a strange, yet thrilling, chill down Sportacus’ spine. “Oh, I _like_ that idea!”

Nadía giggled mischievously beside him. “Yeah! Pabbi can taste test it for me, too! If he doesn’t have a sugar meltdown I know it’s safe.”

The hero’s jaw dropped and he spread out his hands as he looked from one face to the next, his entire family staring at him. “I’m in a family of villains!” he cried. “Since when it is Gang Up on Pabbi Day?”

“Since Pabbi said no fun,” Robbie answered.

Sportacus desperately pointed at the mounds of foil at the edge of the campfire. “But… _dinner_!”

Robbie gave an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes before looking at their two children. “He has a point. A flimsy, pathetic excuse of a point, but still a point. Whaddya say we have dinner first, then stuff our faces with the good stuff? Give the old man a pass?”

Sportacus put his hands on his hips. “ _Old_?” he asked with a chuckle.

“You’re older than _me_. So you’re old.”

Nadía huffed. “You still gotta eat the first one. And before any of the other stuff we _know_ you brought!”

Sportacus’ mustache seemed to droop. “But roasted apples and brie is—”

“I think the _I’s_ have it, Pabbi,” Joy interrupted, arms folded across her chest in triumph. “Dinner first if you eat one of Dad’s almost-s’mores.”

“I came out here to have _fun_ , not to be manipulated,” Sportacus laughed as he moved to retrieve their dinners from the bed of coals.

“That’s what you get for marrying a villain, Sportapal. You really should have seen this coming.”

He snickered in amusement as he set their foil packets on paper plates and handed out utensils. “I see now. I didn’t realize you were playing such a long game, Robbie. I’m impressed.”

His partner happily accepted his dinner plate. “As you should be. I’m _very_ impressive in everything I do.”

Sportacus felt his heart flutter again. He offered the man a warm smile. “You are,” he agreed softly.

The girls received their foil-packed dinners and the family banter slowly died down into the sounds of crinkling aluminum, crunching vegetables, and satisfied hums. Even Robbie seemed to enjoy the meal, though he was obviously trying not to show it. Sportacus certainly didn’t mind. He was used to Robbie pretending he didn’t like sportscandy simply on principle; the fact that he ate it at all made him feel loved and happy, and that was enough for him.

As Sportacus predicted, Robbie and Nadía launched straight into their campfire desserts the moment dinner was finished and the leftover foil was throw away. He sighed, rolling his eyes as the pair hurried into the surrounding trees to find the perfect marshmallow-roasting sticks. Joy stayed behind to help her pabbi get out his own after-dinner snacks at a much more relaxed pace.

“I can tell you don’t like it,” the young lady giggled.

“Huh?”

She pointed at her father’s face. “Dad and Nadía. I can tell. Your face is all scrunched up over it.”

“Oh,” he replied sheepishly, looking down at his apples, cheese, crackers, and other healthier items. “I wish they would wait for a little bit, that’s all. We _just_ ate…”

“Yeah, but you know how Naddy fixes on something ‘till she gets it.”

Sportacus laughed at that. “Your dad is the same way. If Robbie really wants something, he’s going to get it whether it’s a good idea or not.” He sighed. “And when they team up, I don’t think the entire Council of Heroes could keep them from whatever they’re focused on.”

Joy snorted at that, which made Sportacus snicker in response. By the time the villain and his little henchwoman returned to camp, the two more healthfully-minded members of the family were in stitches from laughter. Robbie exchanged a confused look with his youngest and the two just shrugged.

The family slowly settled back into one another’s company after that. Sportacus rolled the logs a little closer to the fire and the four of them huddled in close together as the sun faded from the sky, the warm temperatures settled into the coolness of night, and a loving sense of closeness wrapped itself around the group of them.

“Okay, time to pay up.”

Sportacus looked confused as he realized everyone was starting at him. The hero gave a helpless shrug.

“Come on, Pabbi,” Nadía said while she held out a long, green stick. “You gotta have your s’more first so I can have mine.”

The man gave his daughter a sneaky smile. “Oh, so since I have to have the first one, that means no one else can have any until I eat one?” he slowly asked. “So, if I _refuse_ to eat one…?”

Robbie’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God I did it. I corrupted Sportaflop!” He waved his arms in mock panic. “No, no, _no_! You’re supposed to be the _hero_ and play by the rules! No villainous loophole-jumping in _this_ deal, Mister Bouncy Elf! You’re going to eat your wannabe marshmallows and _like_ it!”

Sportacus gave a toothy grin. Maybe it was not being able to see Robbie for so long, maybe it was the fresh air and good company…but Sportacus was suddenly feeling playful. A bit childish, even.

“Am I?” he asked innocently. “I think…” the elf said slowly as he got up and began to walk around the campfire, away from his husband and daughters. “…you may have to _catch me first_!”

With that he took off back toward the pond, laughing at the gasping yelps and shrieks from Robbie and the girls. After sprinting ahead, the hero slowed his pace to let his family catch up. Joy was first, quickly followed by Nadía. The girls grabbed at his vest in an attempt to slow him down. Robbie thundered through the brush with all the grace of a drunken rhinoceros, his knees high as he huffed and puffed and tried to shout at his horrible, awful husband to slow down and face him like a man. Sportacus laughed as he jogged backwards, making faces at his loved ones who just couldn’t _quite_ seem to catch up with him. Though, he realized as he watched his laughing children, he may not be able to outrun Nadía for too much longer without putting in at least a little effort; as young as she was, the girl’s elven genes were definitely starting to show themselves.

“Pabbi!” Joy cried in surprise, reaching out toward Sportacus and, just as before, falling short in actually grasping any bit of the man.

Sportacus heard the sudden chime-like cry of his crystal. The hero let out a yelp as something hit the back of his foot, sending him sprawling backwards. He flailed his arms wildly as he fell, ending only when the solid wall of forest floor hit him from behind to knock the air from his lungs. Sportacus blinked wildly, staring up at the dark underside of a nearby tree while his brain regathered his thoughts. He was on the ground, wasn’t he? And his ankle was a bit sore—that was new. Oh…he must have tripped over something. That made sense. Also, _oof_.

“Pabbi, are you okay?” one of his daughters asked worriedly.

“Pabbi?” the other ventured.

“Sp—Spor—Sporta—are you—O-oh God—” Robbie wheezed from somewhere beyond his vision. “Oh God I can’t br—brea—”

“I’m okay,” the elf answered before pushing himself up into a sitting position and offering his girls and very winded husband a silly smile. “I guess I need to learn to watch where I’m going.”

“I’ll say,” Joy said as she offered her father a hand to help him back up. “That looked like it hurt!”

“Yeah, Pabbi, are you okay?” the younger girl asked, watching from the sidelines as Sportacus took Joy’s hand and god back to his feet with a surprise hiss.

“I, uh, I think so.” Sportacus tested his weight on his still-aching ankle. It stung a bit, but any injuries were minor. He offered his girls a smile. “It might be a little sore in the morning, but that’s all. It could have been worse,” he admitted with a shrug, “But that’s why it’s a good idea to stay aware when you’re playing. I guess I needed a reminder of that myself.”

“Do you _really_ need to turn this into a safety lesson?” Robbie asked once he was breathing better again, his eyes occasionally darting down to Sportacus’ leg as he spoke.

Sportacus gave his partner a sheepish smile and a shrug.

Robbie groaned. “You wouldn’t have fallen _at all_ if you’d just eaten a darn s’more!” he pointed out with a huff before planting his hands on his hips.

Nadía snickered and poked her sister in the ribs. “ _Oooooh_ , Pabbi’s in trouble,” she giggled.

Sportacus chuckled and nodded. “You’re right, Robbie. I’m sorry. I promised.” He took his love by the hand, somehow making both of Robbie’s arms go limp with the gesture. “Show me how to make a s’more.”

“Me too, me too!” their elven daughter cried as she hurried after them back toward camp. “Joy got to have them whenever she wanted but I’ve _never_ had one before!”

“I _didn’t_ have them all the time!”

“I didn’t say you did, so there!” From the sound of it, a raspberry was definitely blown somewhere behind where Sportacus and Robbie were now walking. “I _said_ you could have them whenever you wanted!”

“No I couldn’t!”

“More than me!”

Sportacus looked up at Robbie just in time to see the villain roll his eyes at the banter going on behind them. He squeezed the man’s hand gently and let himself be lead back to the small campfire. As per Robbie’s instruction, he sat down on a second log and watched his husband stick a small cream-colored cube on the end of a stick. The LazyScout Master readied a proper marshmallow for himself and encouraged their children to copy the simple technique.

“Now careful,” Robbie cautioned as they all began roasting their treats. “Keep it out of the fire. A lot of people like ‘em burnt but for your first try you may want to taste the actually _s’more_ and not just charcoal.”

“Are you talking to me or Nadía?” Sportacus asked with a smile.

“Both. I don’t want to repeat myself. Okay, so…here.”

Robbie took his own marshmallow out of the fire and assembled his own tasty treat as an example before pulling out the sugarless alternatives to help his husband and daughter make their own. Sportacus paid careful attention to every movement. It wasn’t a complicated process by any means, but it felt…important. This was important to Robbie, and to his girls. He never got to take part in his love’s favorite foods, or else he would have a very unpleasant sugar meltdown, but he knew how important such foods were to Robbie, and this was as close as he could get to fully experiencing that part of his life with him. Not to mention how touched Sportacus was that Robbie had taken the time to research and create sugar-free substitutes for Nadía and, by extension, himself. He had married such a sweet, kind man, and the hero could hardly believe his fortune to have found Robbie in the first place.

“Okay, Pabbi,” Joy insisted. “Your turn. You have to eat it soon or Naddy’ll explode.”

Sportacus laughed at the sight of his impatient little girl vibrating in her seat as she waited to taste the s’more she had made. He looked down at his own, a strange feeling in his stomach. He knew it was no danger to him, but it _looked_ so much like something that was. His instincts told him it was a bad idea to let the snack come anywhere near his mouth, but Sportacus did his best to push the mild panic down. With Robbie and the girls watching in palpable anticipation, he carefully took a bite.

“W-well?” Robbie asked, his voice low, nervous.

“Yeah, Pabbi, how is it?” his youngest asked.

“Feeling okay?” Joy asked hesitantly. “No…meltdowny-type feelings?”

Sportacus smiled as she chewed. “No!” he said happily around the food in his mouth. He looked briefly down at what was left of his gooey s’more before looking back up at Robbie. “This is good!” he said in surprise. “Sweet but not too much! I feel like I’m eating the real thing! Thank you, Robbie.”

Hearing that, Nadía gave a squeal of delight and shoved the safe-proven treat into her mouth. She hummed with joy at the taste, stamping her feet up and down to alleviate the excitement she was feeling at getting to eat something she had been dying to try all her life.

Robbie leaned over to his partner, nuzzling Sportacus’ cheek with his nose in place of a kiss. The elf might be eating a sugar-free imitation, but _he_ certainly wasn’t, and neither one of them wanted any _real_ marshmallow to find its way to the hero’s lips now. Sportacus snuggled his love in return and the family settled in for a few more tasty goodies and further family time.

The two men sat closely together on one side of the crackling fire, their thighs nestled against one another and their shoulders bumping softly together whenever Robbie would move to bite into another s’more. Sportacus usually didn’t condone mindless snacking, but he held his tongue for such a special evening. Besides, he had no idea how much his husband had actually remembered to eat while locked away with his project; the hero could stay silent for one evening, he decided. Across from them sat the girls, both of whom took turns telling stories and engaging their parents and each other in conversation.

Sportacus listened happily as the girls filled Robbie in on all the things—grand and miniscule alike—that he had missed during his time in the workshop. The look of disbelief on Mr. Moranis’ face when Nadía turned in her solar system project, how Joy had volunteered to help run some of the next Sports Day activities, about how Sportacus had accidentally thrown a couple of tomatoes too high and hit one of fans between the ceiling pipes while cooking and splattered the juice and bits of sportscandy everywhere to the point where Joy had just gone out and bought them all takeout that night while her pabbi cleaned up his mess.

“I’m sorry I missed all that,” Robbie said with a sad smile. “I really didn’t mean to block you all out.”

“You already said you’re sorry!” the smallest of the group pointed out. “It’s okay, Dad. We’re camping now!” She reached over his lap. “Can I have some more crackers?”

And so, family time continued as the sun began to dip below the horizon to leave them illuminated only by the fire. As much as he loved bonding with his kids, Sportacus’ attention started to wander once the conversation turned to mechanics. He knew enough about the subject to keep his airship afloat, but certainly not out of any actual interest in the topic. He found himself nibbling on the edges of another s’more cracker instead of paying attention.

“Whoa, whoa!” Robbie cried, pulling Sportacus’ attention back to the conversation. “What brought _this_ on?”

The hero was suddenly paying much better attention.

Across the fire, Joy gave a self-conscious shrug and looked like she was trying to fold in on herself to avoid the three sets of eyes that were all focused straight at her.

“I dunno,” she said sheepishly. “All the other girls at school were talking about graduation and then somehow they started talking about the boys on campus and finding _the one_ and all their plans for having kids and all these neat jobs and…I dunno. I guess I just started wondering if…” She shrugged again and looked down at the marshmallow stick in her hands. “I don’t think I know what I want yet and everyone else has all these grand plans already. It’d be nice to get married one day, but I dunno if I want kids yet, and everyone looks at me like I’m crazy if I say that.”

Robbie made a face, his nose scrunching in disgust. “You’re not even out of high school, Joy! You’re not _supposed_ to have your entire life planned out yet! Plans never turn out like you think anyway! I mean, _really_ , do you think I planned on marrying this blue bag of crazy over here?” he asked, elbowing Sportacus.

“Hey!” the elf laughed good-naturedly.

Joy’s eyes fell back down after watching Robbie and she shrugged again. “I want to be a nurse. Or, at least, help people somehow. But I don’t really have _plan_ plans, you know? I feel like I should at least know what I want out of life by now.”

Robbie offered her a gentle smile and let out a sigh before speaking. “Koi Fish, I think you’re putting too much stock in what your friends want. They’re them, you’re you, and—to be frank—you’ve got a lot more going for you than they do. You’re smarter, harder-working, and just _better_ than them.”

“Robbie!”

“Shut it, Sportakook, you know I’m right. Anyway, if you want a family, you’ll be able to find a way to have one. You can plan and plan life all you want, but what you plan and what happens are two totally different things. If you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way to have it. There’s always time and there’s always a way.”

Nadía nodded as she finished up yet another s’more by her sister’s side. “Yeah! And, I mean, even if you don’t want your _own_ kids you can still be the town babysitter! Dad always says Pabbi practically adopted the entire town—you can do the same thing.”

Joy rolled her eyes, a smile finally returning to her lips. “I don’t think I wanna be the town babysitter. _You_ were enough of a handful by yourself when you were little. You still _are_ , come to think of it!”

“Hey! I don’t need a babysitter anymore!”

“ _Um-hum_ ,” Joy hummed sarcastically. “That’s why I had to wipe soup off your face last week.”

The younger girl slapped at her big sister’s arm in immature protest of the accusation. “Shut up.” She turned her attention to her fathers instead. “Did _you_ plan on having kids?”

Sportacus felt his body go rigid. His eyes quickly left his children in favor of the half-eaten cracker in his hands. He’d wanted children. He’d always wanted children. He had told Robbie as much years ago. Yet…Sportacus never expected to actually _have_ children. Worse yet, he had also feared— _still feared_ —having those children himself. Physically. He just…couldn’t. He would never survive the ordeal, that much he knew. It was too _wrong_ , too dangerous, too…terrifying. He had reluctantly resigned himself to life without kids before Robbie, before the girls. They were such a blessing, and he loved them dearly, and yet the mere thought of more brought about such conflict inside of him that Sportacus could already feel his stomach beginning twist and his jaw tense.

He barely heard Robbie laugh beside him. Barely heard him reply with “Of course not! You think I, one Robbie Rotten, villain extraordinaire, _planned_ on having a couple of noisy, sticky, needy brats clinging to me day and night demanding my attention?” he asked loudly before melting immediately into a gentle, teasing grin. “Which just goes to show how life plans are total hogwash, because I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world.”

Both girls smiled at that. Joy looked borderline weepy at Robbie’s words. Nadía looked downright proud. Sportacus didn’t see any of it; his gaze was still downcast, his shoulders stiff.

“Do you think you two’ll ever have more kids?” Their youngest asked curiously. “I mean, I’m like…the same age Joy was when I was a baby and you got us. Now that we’re both bigger are you gonna get us a little sister? Ooh, or a brother? Can I have a brother?”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “ _Maybe_ we’ll have another kid,” he relented. “ _If_ the right one falls into our lap in the middle of another natural disaster. So no promises and don’t push your luck.” He chuckled a bit and glanced over at his partner. “Right, Sporta…Sporta….?” The man’s words died in his throat as he looked over his partner.

Sportacus was tense, hunched over his cracker. Though barely visible with the firelight, even up close, Robbie could see that his husband was _sweating_. Sportacus didn’t sweat easily, not with his weird athletic elf genes.

“Sportasweetheart,” he asked, voice barely a whisper as their children, oblivious to their father’s distress, continued to chat about babysitting and how they would divvy up chores if a new baby joined the family. “Are you okay? Sportacus?”

It took him a minute to recognize Robbie’s voice, even longer to respond to the former villain’s words. The elf looked up slowly, tears trying to hide in his eyes. Robbie reached out, gently prying one of Sportacus’ hands from the shaking cracker, and entwining their fingers together. The tall man winced, but didn’t say anything when Sportacus started squeezing his hand a little too hard.

The hero blinked away the moisture and forced himself to look across at his children again. The girls were so happy as they chatted away, the topic already changing to school and clubs and upcoming events on the calendar. Sportacus was grateful for that, at least. He didn’t want to think about more children, expanding their family. As much as he would love to add another happy bundle to their ranks, it was too painful for him to think about. Robbie, he though he had heard, was even open to the idea. Sportacus hadn’t expected that; he knew his husband loved their girls, but it was hard to forget Robbie’s gripes and grumbles from when Nadía had been little. Sportacus wished so much he could give Robbie children, that maybe the baby he had _thought_ they were expecting so recently could have been real in some way. It had been over a month, now, since those terrible days…yet he couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially when he was all alone while Robbie was working and the kids were in school…

“Right, Pabbi?”

He jumped, shaking his head and making a confused sputtering of a sound.

“See?” Joy said, looking down at her sister. “I told you it was getting close to bedtime, even Pabbi’s getting tired. You shouldn’t just force yourself to stay up.”

The younger of the pair scowled. “But I want t-t-to,” she yawned.

“I could use some sleep myself,” Robbie chimed in, his hand still Sportacus’ captive. “Why don’t you two head off to bed? I want to have some time with your pabbi before he konks out for the evening.”

“Yuck,” Nadía grumbled, sticking out her tongue in disgust. “That means kissing.”

“Lots of it if you don’t get a move on,” The villain warned.

The girl made a face as she hopped off her log and started cleaning up her area alongside her big sister. “Ew. Yeah, Dad, you’re evil alright,” she said, still making a face.

Joy rolled her eyes.

After only a few minutes, each pair said good-night to the other, the fire was safely extinguished, and Sportacus soon found himself crawling into his tent. Even after all these years it felt strange to use regular blankets while camping instead of a sleeping bag, but Robbie always insisted. As strange as it felt, the hero had to admit he liked the freedom of being able to roll over and wrap himself around Robbie’s lanky frame without having zippers and cocoon-like bedding in the way.

“You okay, Sportalove?” Robbie asked after their tent was securely zipped up for the night.

Some joint in the man’s body cracked as he slide into their blankets and positioned himself to look at the silhouette of his husband in the dark. Sportacus wanted to reach for him, ground himself in Robbie’s scent and allow himself to drift away, allow himself to forget reality for a little bit. But, at the same time, he felt too ashamed to do so. Robbie shouldn’t have to deal with his own insecurities. They were Sportacus’ cross to bear, not his husband’s.

“I’m okay, just a little tired. It’s almost eight-oh-eight.”

“Okay, you have no right to say I’ve rubbed off on you if you can’t lie well enough to at least _sound_ like you’re trying,” Robbie countered.

Sportacus was quiet for a few moments, pouting in the dark.

“Sportacus,” Robbie said, his voice flat. “What’s wrong? W-was it Nadía’s question? About more kids?”

The elf nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“Come here,” he said softly, reaching out an arm to drape around his hero’s shoulders to pull him close.

Sportacus let himself be enveloped. He tried to hold back tears as he buried his face in Robbie’s chest, feeling ashamed of himself, his feelings, his ability to hide in the face of such a simple trigger. He hated dysphoria. He hated the feeling, he hated the word, he hated how _subhuman_ it made him feel. Not being entirely human was besides the point, he just felt…wrong.

“I’m sorry, Sportabuddy. I...should have realized in the moment how you were feeling.”

“’s okay,” he muttered into his partner’s shirt.

“Yeah…it will be,” Robbie said softly. “I promise it’ll be okay, Sportacus. I _promise_.”

“Okay, Robbie.”

He certainly hoped things would be alright someday, though Sportacus very much doubted it. Even so, laying here with his Robbie was nice. The blankets were soft, the air was comfortably cool, the beautiful sounds of faraway crickets was soothing, and across the campsite, Sportacus could hear the girls whispering and giggling to each other in their tent. His body shouldn’t have to ruin such a nice scene. He wrapped his arms around his husband and sighed, waiting for 8:08 to come while Robbie massaged the hero’s scalp where they lay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, since I forgot when I originally uploaded this--  
> Here's the recipe that originally inspired all the marshmallow nonsense in this chapter. Haven't tried it myself, but I wanted to link it anyway in case you might be interested yourself!
> 
> https://wholenewmom.com/recipes/homemade-marshmallows-sugar-free


	7. Chapter 7

“What do you mean?” Sportacus asked as he looked up from his push-ups at the small screen tucked into his bracer. “Is he visiting?”

The tiny picture of Íþróttaálfurinn scrunched his brow at his brother’s response. “What do you mean _is he visiting_? He and Robbie have been talking nonstop for the past few weeks about it, from what I can tell.”

“Really?” Sportacus asked with a frown. He sat back on his heels and abandoned his exercises to better focus on the conversation at hand. “I…didn’t know that.”

Sportacus hadn’t known that Robbie and Glanni were in contact _at all_ recently. Did those ‘past few weeks’ include the time his partner had sequestered himself in his workshop? Robbie never _had_ disclosed what his mystery project was supposed to be about. Had Glanni commissioned his cousin to build something? The criminal may have been supposedly reformed, but Sportacus couldn’t help but wonder.

On the screen, Íþrótta gave a small shrug. “Glanni’s been chatting up a storm. I’m a little worried what the phone bill is going to be, to be honest.”

“W-what do they talk about?”

The other hero didn’t seem to notice his brother’s mild worry. “No idea. Magic, I think. Glanni keeps shooing me from the room. It’s either that, or they use some kind of code-word system where I can’t decipher what they’re talking about anyway. Not that that’s anything new.”

Ah, the _cousin code_. Even Sportacus was left bewildered listening to the pair sometimes. Glanni and Robbie seemed to be able to refer to ‘the thing’ or ‘swirly stuff’ and know exactly what the other was saying. Whenever he or Íþrótta asked about the topic of conversation, one of the fae men would either roll their eyes in amusement or scold them for not paying attention.

Íþróttaálfurinn laughed. “I thought _we_ were supposed to be the ones with the secret language, eh?”

Sportacus forced a smile and a small laugh. “Yeah.” The smile faded quickly. Oh, he hated to feel like he was spying or probing, but…his curiosity had suddenly gone from ordinary to paranoid. “Do…do you know if they’ve been talking about Robbie’s new project?” he ventured quietly.

The mustard-hatted hero considered the idea for a moment. “I suppose. I mean, they _must_ be. Glanni keeps telling him to look in ‘the book’ for one thing or another, or trying to explain concepts I don’t think I could understand if I tried. Is he doing research on something?”

Sportacus started to answer when he spotted movement behind his brother. Glanni walked around the corner, fiddling with something in his hands as he went.

“Hey, Pudding Pop?” the former conman asked innocently. “Can you get this stupid jar open? I need my chocolate spread and I can’t get a goddamn grip on this piece of shit.”

“Of course!” the hero answered happily as he reached for the jar. “Say hello to Sportacus, Glanni! We were just talking about how you and Robbie have been—”

Glanni’s eyes snapped up immediately at the sound of his cousin’s name. Even being hundreds of miles away and behind the safety of a computer screen, Sportacus suddenly felt like a maimed deer staring into the jaws of an angry predator as Glanni locked eyes with him. The thin man dropped his jar, ignoring the glass shattering on the floor as he raced across the room to pull his partner away from the communication screen.

“Glanni, what on earth—?”

“Say good-bye, Íþró.”

“What?”

“Sporty-boy’s busy, aren’t you?” Glanni glared at him through the screen.

“I, uh…” Sportacus wasn’t sure how to respond.

From the look of Íþrótta’s stunned face, he didn’t know how to respond to Glanni’s sudden hostility either. Glanni started fumbling with buttons on whatever device Íþrótta was using for their call. The elf tried to interrupt, ask the fae what was wrong, but Glanni cut him off.

“ _Good-bye_!”

The screen went black, leaving Sportacus alone in the surprisingly silent airship to figure out what had just happened. Something was going on, that much was clear. And it had something to do with Robbie’s _surprise_ project. Sportacus hated being a nag, being too nosy, annoying his husband and being too intrusive…but all of a sudden things seemed rather serious. What was Glanni’s involvement in things, and why had he acted that way? Was this project _that_ dangerous that Sportacus wasn’t allowed to know about it?

“Robbie said it was supposed to be a good thing,” he said aloud to himself. Then, sighed. “I…hope Glanni hasn’t talked him into something.”

He hated to think that. Glanni loved Robbie. And Sportacus _trusted_ Glanni…somewhat. His brother certainly trusted the man, and Sportacus trusted Íþrótta. Despite his history and tendencies toward more _unsavory ventures_ , Sportacus knew that Glanni was a decent man with a heart bigger than he liked to let show. Even so, the hero couldn’t fathom what else might be going on to make Robbie so secretive and Glanni so defensive over what it was they were working on. The fae would never _intentionally_ put Robbie in danger, that he knew, but Glanni never did seem to be one for making sound decisions. The mystery project could be anything.

Sportacus just needed to know everything was okay.

*****

Robbie did his best to be conscientious of how much time he was spending in his workshop after their family campout. It was nice to get a breather now and again, see his kids, join Sportakook topside to bother the newest gaggle of activity-obsessed children with a plot to get them to quiet down or, at least, be a little lazy for part of an afternoon. He had forgotten how much he _missed_ coming up with schemes and donning his disguises until he started doing it again and, somewhere in the middle of it all, time started to fly by.

As wonderful as life was for him, privately Robbie was frustrated at how long things were taking now that he wasn’t dedicating all his waking hours to his project. Or, as he sometimes called it, _Operation: Happy Husband_. He pushed himself when he had the time, studying for hours after dinner, coming up with schematics in his head while he took care of the animals, calling Glanni with questions whenever he had a private moment. It was draining, but it would be worth it.

He never wanted Sportacus to be afraid again, never wanted the bouncing blue elf to feel inadequate or wrong, or different, and he would make _sure_ he could fix it. Stephanie had insisted that the best thing he could do for his partner was be there for him, but Robbie knew he could do more than that. He was a _genius_ and he had an excellent lead. Sportacus wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore, not if he could help it.

Not that Robbie didn’t have his own worries the further entrenched in his project he became. This would affect them both, after all. Drastically, if things worked out like he envisioned. Everything worthwhile demanded a sacrifice, after all…didn’t it? The villain swallowed as he tightened another bolt on what would—hopefully—become the outer skeleton of his creation. Robbie was nervous, wondering how things might be once all was said and done. It was paradoxical to be both scared, yet curiously excited. …Wasn’t it? Of course it was! But…but he couldn’t help it. Change was a frightening thing, but, at the same time, the more he worked, the more enthusiastic he became about the outcome, even for himself. What had never been a possibility suddenly _was_ and he didn’t know how to process the feeling.

The man grinned to himself and reached for his drawer of washers.

His surroundings were suddenly bathed in a rich, red light. Robbie looked up at the crimson lightbulbs above his head. Ah, company. The inventor quickly set his things aside, leaving everything just right so he would know exactly where he had left off upon his return. He strolled to the workshop door as the lights came on again, and unlocked it before slipping outside.

“Hi, Robbie,” Sportacus said, tilting his head and pushing up onto his toes like he was trying to see something over his husband’s shoulder. “How are you?”

Robbie closed the door quickly behind him. “Uh…good,” he said slowly, surprised by the awkward conversation  starter. “You?”

The elf nodded a few times as he dropped down to the flats of his soles and flashed a half-smile. “Y-yeah, me too!”

The two men looked at one another. Robbie’s eyes searched the elf’s face for a clue as to what he had been summoned for, but couldn’t decipher a thing. Sportacus, meanwhile, swung his arms slightly as he looked about the room. Was he trying to look nonchalant?

“Can I help you with anything?” Robbie asked slowly.

“Oh, um…”

Clearly, Sportacus hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. Robbie raised an eyebrow.

“I just…wanted to know if you…were free anytime soon!” his partner said after an awkward pause. “To…catch up! And…uh…talk about…things.”

“Things?”

“Yeah.”

Another awkward silence.

“What kind of things?”

Sportacus cleared his throat. “I-I don’t know. Any kind!”

Okay, he had had enough. “Sportacus, what’s wrong?”

The elf’s eyes widened just enough to be noticeable. His arms stopped swinging and he quickly clasped his hands behind his back. Robbie waited for an answer.

“Nothing’s wrong, Robbie! I just missed seeing you, that’s all.”

The villain folded his arms over his chest and shifted his weight to one foot, hip sticking out ever so slightly. “ _Um-hum_ ,” he hummed, tone even and slow. “Nothing.”

“Nope.”

“Nothing at all.”

Sportacus’ mustache twitched slightly. “N-no?”

Robbie sighed. “ _Sportaobvious_ , how many times do I have to tell you that you’re terrible at lying before you actually believe me?”

His husband practically deflated before him, shoulders falling, perfect posture suddenly slacking. Sportacus kept his eyes downcast for a few good seconds and, even when he raised them again, the man seemed hesitant to catch Robbie’s gaze.

“I’m just worried.”

Robbie frowned. “Worried? About what?” His brain paused for a moment. “Did something happen?”

“No, no! I mean, well—” Sportacus had a thoughtful look for a moment, as if recalling something. “—not exactly?” At his partner’s silence, the hero kept talking. “It’s just that you’ve been working on your project for a long time, now, and you _still_ haven’t told me what it is, and I…I know you’ve been talking to Glanni, and I’m just…worried about what your project actually is.”

Robbie watched Sportacus, the elf looking pathetically deflated as he stood there with downcast eyes. The villain sighed and folded and his arms across his chest as his genius mind connected the dots, no matter how haphazardly spaced they might be.

“You’re worried Glanni’s put me up to something,” he concluded. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Sprortacus’ cringe was enough of a confirmation. “Not exactly?”

“If it makes you feel any better, this had nothing to do with Glanni,” Robbie assured him. “I’ve just been asking him for help on a few things since he knows more about some this than me.” He swallowed, glad to see Sportacus looking a bit less tense than he had been a minute ago. “I’m…almost done, actually.”

“Oh. That’s…that’s good.”

Robbie shrugged awkwardly. “I admit, I keep wanting to just tell you what it is, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise.” He swallowed his pride and spoke again. “I’m kind of scared about what your reaction might be if I tell you ahead of time.”

“I’m scared about it either way,” the hero admitted. “You’ve put a lot into this project, Robbie, and I know it means a lot to you, but you’ve been so secretive about it that I can’t help but worry!”

He held up his hands. “I know, I know. I just…I promise it’s supposed to help. I didn’t realize it would take this long. I’d thought I could just make the thing and surprise you with it, but it turned into this big long complicated _thing_ instead. I’m s-s-sorry.”

Sportacus spoke up to kill the awkward silence that quickly threatened to engulf them. “I love you.”

Robbie smiled softly. “I love you, too, Sportacutie.”

The hero blushed, his mustache perking up with his lip. “I’m…glad you still call me things like that,” he suddenly admitted.

“What, _Sportacutie_? How could I not?”

The man shrugged. “I keep hearing about how, well…” He sighed. “I hate to phrase it that way, but, _the romance dies_ after a few years. I worried that might happen to us.”

Robbie’s head jerked back, his brow furrowed at the mere thought of falling out of love with his stupid, childish, beefy elf-man. “What?”

Sportacus could only offer a small, embarrassed shrug.

“Do _you_ love me any less?” Robbie asked.

The hero’s eyes flew wide open. “No! No, no, Robbie!” he cried, suddenly reaching out for his villain, as if afraid that Robbie would leave if not held in place. “I love you! I love you so much! I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. We’re lifemates, we—”

His words were interrupted by Robbie planting a firm kiss on his lips. Sportacus melted and Robbie could feel him smiling against him before the hero wrapped his arms around him and embraced the sudden show of affection. It took the pair a short while to pull apart.

“I was teasing, Sportacow. I was _going_ to follow that up by saying that I somehow still love you and all your annoying elf quirks just as much as I did the night I proposed. Leave it to you to ruin my perfectly planned speech.”

Sportacus snorted lightly in his arms. “Sorry, Robbie,” he said softly, smiling up at the taller man.

“You should be. It took hours to plan,” he teased before giving his husband another kiss. Then, more seriously, “You were really afraid I’d fall out of love with you?”

Sportacus gave a timid nod.

“You’re the sex symbol of the town, Sportadolt! Haven’t you _seen_ how all the middle-aged women in town watch your every move?”

The elf gave him a blank stare.

Robbie groaned and slapped a hand over his face in disbelief. “Sportacus… _ugh_ , sometimes I forget that your _brain_ can be just as dense as the rest of you! You’re _hot_ , alright? There, I said it, you’re hot! You’re all muscles and smiles and flippy-floppy kindness and people like looking at you! There!”

Sportacus laughed at the outburst and smiled admiringly at Robbie as he scowled and folded his arms over his chest with a huff.

“You think I’m hot?”

He growled. “Of course I do! You’re impossibly perfect, how could I not?”

“Even my mustache?” Sportacus asked with a wide, teasing grin. He leaned in close, hands clasped behind his back as he waited expectantly.

Robbie rolled his eyes and looked away. “Yes, even your stupid mustache,” he grumbled.

A quick kiss to his cheek made the villain relax ever so slightly, enough for him to be able to look over at the elf man once again. “So, uh…if you were worried I’d fall out of love with you, does that mean I haven’t gotten too old and flabby for you yet?”

Sportacus rolled his eyes and put his fists on his hips. He cocked an eyebrow and stared up at his love. “ _Robbie_ , you look practically the same as you did when we brought Nadía home.”

“And? What’s your point?”

The hero sighed and wrapped his arms around his partner, nestling his chin against Robbie’s neck. “You’re an incredibly handsome man, Robbie.” His voice dropped, practically whispering into the villain’s ear. “ _Sexy_ , even.”

“Well now I know you’re crazy!” Robbie cried, his face pinkening and his now-hiked up shoulders unable to hide the silly smile on his face. “I always suspected, but that clinches it.”

Sportacus looked offended. “Robbie!”

He shrugged. “Okay, okay, I’m a handsome devil.” Robbie playfully rolled his eyes. “So much for trying to be humble. But…seriously. Sometimes I wonder why you’re…you know…”

“With you?” Sportacus laughed. “Robbie, I wonder the same thing! You _hated_ me when we met!”

“I hated your flippy-flops and stupid apples! Oh, and the noise! God, you’re loud.” He sighed, but smiled softly and leaned into his partner’s arms. “You’re lucky they grew on me or we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Oh?”

Robbie shrugged. “You wore me down with your adorably stupid mustache and dopey hat. You win, happy?”

Sportacus kissed his love’s jaw. “Very happy.”

Robbie snorted, Sportacus laughed, and the two men simply stood there together for a moment with the elf nuzzling happily into his husband’s neck and Robbie reveling in the warmth emanating from the practically purring man.

“How’d we get on this topic again?” Robbie asked as he happily breathed in Sportacus’ sweet, fruity scent. “Weren’t you just giving me sad puppy dog eyes about Glanni doing something-or-other before we started traveling down the road to mushy, kissy, if-Nadía-saw-us-she-would-probably-throw-up town? Not that I’m complaining, really, but I can’t help but feel that we’ve gotten a little side-tracked from whatever it was we were talking about.”

“I don’t care,” Sportacus laughed, giving his love a gentle squeeze around his middle. “I’m okay with where we ended up.”

“Heh. Yeah. I like our tangents,” Robbie agreed. “Hey, Sportakiss, what do you say I forget about my project for the day and we spend that time…with other stuff?”

“Other stuff?” the elf questioned.

“Yeah, uh…” Robbie frowned, his nose twisting and twitching as his mind worked. “Usually I’d say eat cake and take a nap, but somehow I doubt you’d go for that.”

Sportacus snickered at his husband’s dilemma. “Well,” he offered. “a nap might not be such a bad idea.”

Robbie’s nose scrunched at the sound of that. “What? You never take naps. Why would you—?” The villain suddenly blinked, his eyebrows shooting up before a silly smile spread across his face. “ _Oh_.”

The shorter of the pair giggled at his husband’s reaction and dropped his forehead onto Robbie’s chest to hide his red cheeks.

“A nap might be a good idea,” Robbie agreed. “I could go for a nap. You’d…want to try for a nap?” he questioned, still unsure of Sportacus’ comfort level after the pregnancy scare, even if it _had_ been weeks ago now.

“A little nap might be nice,” Sportacus confirmed, lifting his head to nip playfully at Robbie’s chin as he spoke.

The villain nuzzled his hero, smitten with the idea now. Thank heavens the girls would be busy for the next few hours. Sportacus kissed him again, the pair holding one another close as their earlier stresses melted away into the familiar passion they held for one another. He kept the elf close with one arm in the small of Sportacus’ back, his opposite hand snaking under the hero’s hat to curl his fingers in the soft blond hair hidden there. Robbie could feel the warmth of Sportacus’ hand on the back of his neck and shoulder and he all but melted under the gentle, tender sensations. Kisses were peppered across each of their faces, along their jaws, and down their necks.

Robbie was mildly distracted by a sudden change in pressure in his ears, if only for a second. He heard a soft _pop_ from somewhere nearby and yelped in surprise when something poked him in the eye. The man yanked back from his equally startled husband and shook his head. Blinking rapidly, Robbie soon spotted the envelope sitting now at his feet.

“ _Ugh_ , Glanni,” he sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Sportacus to stoop down and pick up the letter. He unfolded the letter and scanned over its contents.

> _Dear Gumdrop—_
> 
> _Íþro knows about your plan. Your little blueberry forced my hand and got him suspicious, so I had to tell him. Sorry. Good news is I think he’s mostly on board with the idea. Bad news is your Sporta-husband has a heads-up. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know any details, but he’s no doubt suspicious by now. How close are you to finishing? I’ll come down in a couple of days to lend a hand and distract the kiddos if you need me to._ _Íþro said the candy apples can stay with him on the big day so you won’t have to worry about them. Little Macaroni’s already excited about it. Even Craigodile seems to like the idea._
> 
> _Take care of yourself, Pixie Stick. Let me know if you need anything and good luck with the blueberry._
> 
> _—Glanni_

Robbie sighed and rolled his eyes. Well, his timing may have been a bit on the late side, but at least Glanni had _tried_ to warn him about any beans that may have been spilled to Sportasnoop. The thought was there, at least.

“What is it?” the hero asked curiously.

Robbie waved the letter in Sportacus’ face for a second before moving to tuck it into his vest pocket. “Glanni telling me you’re being a Sportaspy, that’s all.”

Sportacus straightened up. “Spy? I didn’t—I was just talking to my brother, Robbie, that’s not a crime!”

“Of course not. You’re too heroic to commit crimes,” Robbie teased as he leaned in to give his partner a kiss on the nose.

The elf pouted. “Íþrótta knows what the surprise is now, too, doesn’t he?” he asked.

“Sounds like he might.”

Sportacus groaned. “ _Everyone_ knows about this secret of yours except for me! It’s maddening!”

“Not true,” Robbie corrected with a critical wag of his finger. “The girls don’t know. Pinky doesn’t either. So there.”

The hero glared up at him.

“You’ll know soon enough. Speaking of which, Glanni’s coming to visit, so…be ready for that.” He watched Sportacus sigh, then reached out to drape his arms over the shorter man’s shoulders. “In the _meantime_ , are we still on for that nap?”

“I _should_ say no, with all the secrets you’re keeping,” Sportacus teased. “You’re lucky I love you, Mister Rotten.”

“I am,” Robbie agreed with a smile. “Very lucky.”

He leaned in to kiss his husband before the pair hurried upstairs together, hand-in-hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're upset about my inconsistency is Ithro's nicknames throughout this AU...I am too! I'll be going back through and normalizing all my past stuff eventually. This chapter onward is what I'm sticking with.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
> 
> I originally wanted to have this finished by the end of 2018. Clearly, that didn't happen. Oh well...we're almost there. I'm guessing 2 chapters left after this. 3 at the most, depending on how much more filler and extra details crop up for me. Can you believe I originally imagined this thing being 3-4 chapters in total?

The loud call of “ _Where are my princesses?_ ” echoing through the lair at the crack of two-in-the-afternoon jolted Robbie from a sound sleep. And if that hadn’t been enough, the responding screeches of “ _Grandpa Glanni_!” and the accompanying tornado of footsteps certainly would have done it. His sleep thoroughly interrupted, Robbie hauled himself from the bed with a groan. Still dressed from earlier that morning, the man shuffled out to his balcony to see the familial commotion below with his own eyes.

“How are my little sugarplums?” Glanni asked excitedly, already pulling the two girls into a giant hug down below. “Goodness, Joy, you shot up! You must be taller than your pabbi now!” Then, with an amused smirk on his face, he asked “Does he pout about it? Tell me he pouts over it! Does his mustache do that sad little droopy thing that Uncle Íþro’s does?”

“ _Ah-hem_ ,” Robbie croaked, clearing his throat after stepping into his personal lift and heading down to the main floor of the lair. “Why on earth are you here this early? I thought you said you were coming in the afternoon.”

“It _is_ afternoon, Dad,” Nadía pointed out.

“Only technicality,” he grumbled as he stepped out.

Glanni could only shrug, palms up in apology. “What can I say? I’m an early riser, Funnel Cake.”

“Since _when_?”

“Since Macaroni’s had the squirts for a couple days. Happy you asked?”

Robbie glared at him.

Joy decided to interrupt the exchange and caught her grandfather’s attention with a smile. “What’s the occasion, Grandpa Glanni? We haven’t seen you in ages! Is Uncle Íþróttaálfurinn here with you?”

He wrapped an arm around the young woman’s shoulders and gave her a tender side-hug before answering. “No, he’s back home, I’m afraid. Hero work and toilet duty. It’s _his_ turn to take over potty training my Macaroni for a little bit. I’m just here to help your Dad with some work he has going on. That, and shower my two favorite nieces with presents!” he said, pulling a large gift bag from seemingly nowhere.

Nadía squealed in delight at the sight of it. Even Joy, usually the quiet, humble one of the group, looked curious about what treasures might appear from the neon pink bag’s pastel tissue paper. The fae smiled, reaching inside and pulling out a thin box and a gently wrapped soft parcel, which he handed to Joy with a quick kiss to her cheek.

“You don’t pamper yourself enough, dear. You deserve more than you let yourself have.”

Joy took the gifts, shifting them to one arm so she could give her grandfather a hug and a thank you. Glanni pulled her close and Robbie could just see the man’s profile smile as they whispered to one another. He gave her cheek another quick peck for good measure.

“What about me, Grandpa Glanni?” Nadía asked hopefully, practically vibrating in anticipation as she tried her best to interrupt her sister’s tender moment as little as possible.

“Oh, you’re here, too?” the fae asked in mock surprise. “Good thing I brought something just in case,” he said with a knowing smile.

He reached into the bag, tossing the obnoxiously pink thing away, no doubt for Robbie or Sportacus to clean up for him later, and pulled out a fairly large, rectangular box to hand to the girl. Nadía grabbed it excitedly, repeatedly thanking her grandpa as she hurried to the nearest table to open it with her full attention. She ripped off some of the paper, pausing only to gasp in delight before pulling at the rest of the wrapping with even greater fervor.

“Thank you, Grandpa Glanni!” she squealed, shoving the paper aside and holding the toolbox over her head for all to see. “Look, Dad! I got one now, too!”

Robbie beamed at the girl with all the energy he could muster with the amount of sleep still trying to cling to his bones and nodded in approval. “It looks good on ya, kiddo. Now you can finally clean up your desk.”

Nadía stuck her tongue out, but kept smiling. “I’m gonna go put stuff in it!” she yelled before taking off toward her room.

Robbie rolled his eyes in amusement. He pointed a thumb in the girl’s direction as she disappeared and gave his cousin an accusing look. “You know I’m going to have to buy her her own tools now, too, or mine are going to keep disappearing? They wander off enough as it is.”

The other man gave an innocent shrug and turned back to his eldest niece. Joy had carefully unwrapped the small box first, looking down in awe at the beautiful selection of colors in her new makeup kit. Robbie walked over to stand beside his cousin, the pair of them looking like near-twins watching his child open her present.

“Grandpa Glanni, these are lovely,” she breathed. “I…but this set is so expensive—”

“Don’t start,” the former felon interrupted. “I got that especially for you because _you deserve it_ , young lady. You’re not allowed to feel guilty about it.”

Joy gave a sheepish smile.

Glanni nodded toward the softer package nestled in the crook of her arm. “Open that one.”

Joy carefully closed the cosmetic set and put it aside on the nearest flat surface so she could focus on her second present. She carefully tore the paper, pulling the thin bow down to free the fabric beneath. She blinked as the dress unfurled for her to see. Joy’s eyes widened at the pale cream color and the yellow sash, golden accents, and crisscrossed lace up its back. She looked up at her grandfather at least twice, as if she was trying to make sure that there hadn’t been some sort of mistake. Robbie stared at the dress himself, impressed with the attention to detail; it _was_ beautiful, but at the same time, the realization that his little Joy was the one holding it somehow left him with a heavy lump in his chest.

“Grandpa Glanni—” she started.

“The only way I’m taking it back is if it doesn’t fit,” Glanni warned her. “Which won’t be happening because your dad can probably fix that problem anyway.”

Joy relented with a lopsided smile. She carefully set the dress down and went to hug him again, which Glanni happily welcomed.

“Let yourself live a little, happy girl.”

She giggled and gave him one more squeeze before pulling back. “Thanks, Grandpa.”

“You go try it on,” he encouraged. “I have to talk to your Pops anyway.”

She nodded and, bidding them both a temporary farewell, gathered up her things and headed to her own room. Glanni sighed, folding his arms over his chest as he watched her go.

“When did she grow up, anyway?”

Robbie felt that lump twist a bit. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I don’t really like it, but…what can ya do?”

“I don’t know,” Glanni sighed. “But let me know when you find out, will ya?”

Robbie gave his cousin a look. “Your kid’s only what, two? Three?”

“More like fifty-six.”

Robbie looked at him with a surprised expression that quickly softened when seeing the warmth in Glanni’s eyes. He shifted awkwardly before sighing and opening his arms. Glanni grabbed him and laughed when Robbie awkwardly returned the hug.

“How’ve you been, Glanni?”

The half-fae nodded and shrugged, pulling back to look at the other man. “Good, good. Been a little… _interesting_ the past year, but…good. I’ve missed you.”

Robbie nodded in agreement. “We should see each other more often.”

“ _Outside_ of top-secret projects.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Th-thanks for helping, by the way.”

Glanni shrugged. “How could I not? Besides, I’m double-checking your work. You’re my baby and the blueberry is, well, he’s family, so even if I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t want him to get hurt either.”

“What, you don’t trust me?” Robbie asked, fists on his hips.

“Even if I didn’t think you _could_ make an error,” Glanni said with an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face, “I’d want to double-check everything. You’re my baby. A big baby, but, you know.” Glanni shrugged.

Despite the teasing, the fae had a point. Robbie relented, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Sportaboy shouldn’t be home for another hour or so, at least. You…want to get started?”

The criminal’s familiar mischievous grin returned. Glanni rubbed his hands together in excitement at the prospect. “Oh, you bet. Lead the way, Sugar Cube.”

*****

Once together, Robbie and Glanni finished the machine in only two and a half days’ worth of work. He and his cousin only emerged during meal- and evening family times, during which Glanni would loudly complain about the selection of food on the table or how high-energy Sportacus and his nieces were around the lair. His whining was expected and accordingly ignored.

“Íþró should be here soon,” Glanni said as he leaned lazily over a work bench and watched Robbie go over his final checklist for the third not-so-final time. He absently sucked on the straw of juice box as he did so, oddly silent about how it was the most unhealthy drink available at the moment. “You and the hubby can have a nice sexy weekend alone and you can give me a call whenever he gives you the go-ahead.”

“Don’t be gross, Glanni,” Robbie mumbled as he flipped to the last page of his list. Again. The man sighed. “God I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be this nervous. _Why am I this nervous_?”

“Come here, Cupcake,” Glanni sighed, hopping up to sit on the work bench and patting the seat in front of him.

Robbie gave him a look like he was trying to silently scold the man for sitting on his table.

“Come _on_ ,” Glanni insisted, draping one knee over the other.

With an exasperated “ _Fine!_ ” Robbie walked over and set his clipboard down, taking a seat and looking up at Glanni with a grumpy expression.

“Why are you nervous, Pudding Pop?”

Robbie’s mind immediately thought of a thousand scenarios, hundreds of ways things could go wrong, a million ways things could spectacularly backfire on him. And that was just the magic and the machine. The look of disgust, anger, hurt, rejection on Sportacus’ face at hearing what Robbie had been up to somehow felt even _worse_. What if he was offended by the idea, or it made him feel like he wasn’t enough for Robbie as-is somehow? That was the exact opposite of why Robbie had built this entire thing—he just wanted his Sportalove to be happy!

“Robbie, Cupcake, slow down,” Glanni’s voice interrupted, making Robbie realize that there was a hand sitting on his shoulder. “Come back, okay? You’re panicking and you’re mumbling. You need to calm down.”

The villain nodded, slowly returning to himself. He stared at the floor in shame.

“Are you scared the transfer won’t work?” Glanni ventured quietly.

Robbie nodded. “What if it doesn’t work, or-or someone gets hurt? Or he’s…disappointed?” He looked up at his cousin, eyes wide. “What if he doesn’t even _want_ to do it, or he’s angry that I built it at all?”

“Robbie,” the fae said slowly. “He won’t be angry. Elves may be a bit dim sometimes, but if they know something’s come from the heart, I don’t think it’s _possible_ for them to be angry. He’s going to be excited as hell and probably want to make out with you on the spot. As for everything working, that’s why I’m here, right? We’ve gone over everything a million times, the recipe’s taking care of itself as we speak, and everything is going to be fine.”

“But what if—?”

“What if everything goes off without a hitch?” Glanni instantly countered. “Think about that. Tell me what’ll happen if everything goes fine.”

Robbie was quiet for a moment, prompted to speak only once Glanni gave his side a gentle kick with his boot.

“Sportacus being…really happy. And not having to worry anymore.”

“Is that worth trying for?”

He nodded, a smile growing on the villain’s face. “Y-yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Glanni pulled Robbie over and gave him a kiss on top of his head. “Then I say you go for it. I’m going to go round up the girls and take them out to dinner or something. Íþró can take them from there. When you need me, just send a letter and I’ll be back. Things’ll be okay, Lollipop. I promise.”

“You’re right,” Robbie sighed.

“I know I am. I’m _always_ right,” Glanni dismissed before hopping off the table and stretching, cracking something in his back. “You finish up what you’re doing, then go find your man. I’ve got a date with my favorite little ladies.”

Robbie smiled softly as he watched his cousin head toward the workshop door, a bit of weight lifting from his shoulders as the man left.

“Hey, Glanni?”

The ex-con looked over his shoulder at him, hand already on the door handle.

“Th-thanks.”

“Anything for my Candy Cane. I’ll see you later.” Glanni winked and left.

*****

Robbie found the bouncing blue elf in the sports park. As usual. He took a seat on his usual bench to wait and watch the nonsense from afar. He _could_ go over to make his presence known, but why bother? His body was exhausted after all the work he had done that day, both in the workshop and afterward giving the barn a quick sweep so it wouldn’t get too out of hand to deal with later on. In the moment, Robbie had somehow forgotten just how tiring cleaning out the thing actually was for him, and he was paying for it now. As far as Robbie was concerned, he’d more than earned a bit of a rest before the anxiety-laden reveal ready back home.

On the other side of the park, the love of his life was busy playing with half a dozen or so children in the open field. Judging by the black and white ball flying back and forth and Sportacus’ insistence upon bouncing said ball back and forth on his knees, Robbie could only guess that they were playing soccer once again. That would also probably explain why the daft elf kept flipping over to walk around on his hands for short bursts of time, the act sending ripples of giggles through the children.

It was cute. Robbie had no problem admitting that anymore—watching Sportacus play with the town children was downright _adorable_. As noisy and chaotic as it was, the sight had grown on him since the blue buffoon had landed in LazyTown. As Robbie’s feelings for the hero had grown, so had his appreciation for watching the purity of the man’s utter happiness doing what he loved best, and seeing it mirrored on the little ones’ faces.

First it had been _the kids_ , those few youngsters in the town that had made Sportacus feel at home and, eventually, made Robbie realize he had a real, true family. Then it had been Joy’s generation…the tykes who came along just as Sportacus was beginning to feel like Stephanie and her friends had grown too old to need him anymore. Life in the town had been rejuvenated and hero and villain alike had been happy to see a continuation of their work. And, now, Nadía and her peers had taken center stage as the little monsters of the town. It was amazing, really, at least to Robbie. Three generations of screaming banshees to win him over again and again, each one with a special gem that had so thoroughly taken hold of his heart and never let go. And, Robbie realized, it was only a matter of time before more new faces began to appear in the sports park. Stingy and Trixie’s little one was getting bigger and, if the rumors were true, a couple of Ziggy’s young cousins were supposed to be moving into town within the next couple of months, too. How long would it be before one of the little faces out in that field called he and Sportacus _grandpa_? The thought made him uncomfortable and excited at the same time.

“Hi, Robbie!”

The man jumped, looking up into a pair of sparkling blue eyes that crinkled just around the edges, a collection of beautiful little laugh lines proudly worn on the slowly aging face of the town’s wonderful hero. Robbie felt his face melt into a fond smile at the handsome sight.

“I’m sorry,” Sportacus began. “I didn’t mean to start— _oomh_!”

Robbie had grabbed the elf’s crystal casing, pulling the man down and giving him a tender kiss before Sportacus had finished speaking. The hero, briefly startled, quickly decided that he didn’t mind the surprisingly public gesture in the slightest, and leaned into the kiss. Robbie could feel his husband rest his hands on the bench beside each of his shoulders to brace himself for the duration of the exchange. It made the villain pull at him all the more, leaning back and dragging Sportacus along for the ride as their lips slipped across one another, breaking apart for a fraction of a second before rejoining. Noses bumped against cheeks and teeth gently scraped across lips. Tongues danced between them in a familiar, gentle ballet they both knew by heart. Finally, the two men parted, slipping back to become two separate beings once again. They smiled at one another.

“That was quite the hello,” Sportacus giggled, smiling brightly above him.

“I like to make an entrance.”

“I’m glad you do,” the elf laughed, dipping close enough for their foreheads to gently meet one another. “Hi, Robbie.”

The villain felt his eyelids flutter at the intimacy of their contact. “Hello, Sportacus,” he replied quietly as his hands traveled up the elf’s sides to sit comfortably between the small alcove above the elf’s hips, his thumbs gently rubbing against the fabric of his uniform. “I love you,” he blurted out.

Sportacus gave a gentle laugh. “I’m happy to hear that. I love you, too, Robbie.” He pulled back just enough so that he could deliver a kiss to his villain’s forehead. “I hope you weren’t waiting too long for me. I lost track of time. We were just having so much fun!”

“You’re always having so much fun,” Robbie pointed out in amusement.

Sportacus sat down beside him, scooting close so that their hips and thighs were flush against one another. Robbie leaned against his love’s shoulder as he felt the hero wrap an arm around his own.

“It _is_ fun,” Sportacus insisted. “You should join us some time, Robbie! Tarry is getting really good at it, and Justine is an excellent goalie. _You_ could play goalie, Robbie! You wouldn’t have to run half as much as the rest of us; you might like it!”

“Maybe.”

The elf blinked, looking over at his husband in obvious surprise, probably at how quickly Robbie had given in to the suggestion. The look of shock on his partner’s face made the villain snicker. He should startle Sportasuasion more often just to see that look.

“Glanni’s taking the girls to dinner.”

Sportacus nodded, recovering from the conversational whiplash well. “He came by to get Nadía a little while ago. He said they might be gone for a while.”

Robbie reached for and took up the hero’s hand in his own. “Yeah, well…I asked him to make a night of it. I thought we might want the evening to ourselves for…one reason or another.”

“Oh?”

Robbie nodded, trying not to feel as tense as he suddenly did thanks to the return of his fluttering anxiety. “My project’s done.”

There was silence for a second as the news actually registered between both parties. Sportacus’ eyes widened as it sank in. “It is?” he asked, his tone giving away his curiosity.

“I just hope you like it,” Robbie said before getting to his feet and turning around to pull Sportacus gently after him. “Can I show it to you?”

The hero all but jumped to his feet, his hand still tightly clasping Robbie’s. “Of course! I’m excited to see what it is!” he cried happily. “Let’s go home!”

*****

Seeing the mess of wires, lights, metal, and plastics before him, Sportacus gave his husband a lopsided smile of confusion mixed with an obvious appreciation for all the effort put into what stood before them.

“What…is all this?” he asked softly, unsure how to react to the mystery contraption.

Sportacus wanted to be supportive, yes, but the hero really had no idea what he might be looking at. Whatever it was, it must be special _somehow_ , or Robbie wouldn’t have made such a big fuss putting it together in such secrecy. The mechanical work certainly looked impressive, what with its control panel and large egg-shaped chamber with tall metal pieces around it in a circle on some kind of track, but none of that told Sportacus exactly what the big thing was supposed to do. He looked to his husband for some sort of answer.

Robbie stood off to the side, eyes nervously ticking back and forth from Sportacus to his device, like some sort of anxiety-ridden clock. He twisted his hands and his lips curled and twitched as they searched for some way to find a state of calm.

“It,” he said at long last, “It’s for you. Well, for _us_ in a way, but…really, I-I made it especially for you.”

“For me?” the elf asked with a smile, as though the idea that Robbie had spent all that time on his project for him was a complete surprise after the weeks of buildup. “That’s very sweet, Robbie, but, um…” He looked back at the contraption with a bit of uncertainty. “What _is_ it?”

Robbie’s eyes slowly widened, the excited spark of the inventor glimmering in his large grey orbs as the villain seemed to rediscover their reason for being there. His fidgeting died down immediately. He stood stock still for almost a full second before letting out a yelp and flinging himself into action. An arm shot in the air, a knee lifted a little too high, and the man broke into a frenzied sprint to his husband’s side. Robbie placed a hand on Sportacus’ shoulder before gesturing to the looming invention in front of them with a grand, open palm. An excited smile began to spread across his face as he began speaking.

“I call it the Dysphoria Alleviator 3000! I…I designed it just for you…” Robbie’s voice grew quieter. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

Sportacus frowned slightly. He tilted his head as he looked at the grand invention for a moment before looking back to his husband.

“What?” Robbie asked nervously.

“The…d-did you say _dysphoria_?”

His villain nodded enthusiastically.

“But—” Sportacus sighed, shoulders sagging ever so slightly as he struggled to come up with the right words. “Robbie, I…I appreciate the thought, but…y-you can’t just ‘magic away’ something like that. I mean m- _maybe_ for a little while, but—”

Robbie waved his arms wildly to halt the elf’s train of thought before it got any further from the station. “No! No, no, not like that! It won’t mess with your head at all…heh,” Robbie cleared his throat awkwardly, glancing away as he mumbled “At least not _that_ one, anyway,” so quietly that the elf almost didn’t hear him.

Sportacus frowned in confusion at the nonsensical comment. “I…then I’m afraid I don’t understand, Robbie. What’s it supposed to do?”

The tall man leaned in and gave his husband a small but loving kiss. The elf returned the gentle gesture, but looked just as confused as ever when it was finished.

“What would you say if you should have all the benefits of surgery without…well, the surgery?”

Sportacus shook his head. “Robbie, I don’t understand. I…you mean a phylloplasty?”

The villain nodded with an affirmative squeal. The hero looked, again, between the man and the machine, the gears in his head turning. In a strange role reversal, Sportacus stood stock-still while Robbie did his best not to bounce _too_ much in excited anticipation of what the other might say next.

“You mean it can give me…I can have a—?”

“Yes!” Robbie cried, practically singing. “A bonified, fully-functional penis, just for you!” He folded his arms over his chest and gave his husband a giant smile. “What do you think?”

Sportacus stared, face slack as he slowly looked from Robbie, to the machine, to Robbie again. The former villain appeared to feel the beginnings of an itch, a twitch at the edge of his lips as he waited for Sportacus’ response.

“I…Robbie…h-how?” was all that Sportacus managed to say, even after his extended silence.

Robbie waved a hand between them and snorted. “Nothing that science and a little forbidden magic won’t fix!” he dismissed.

The hero’s eyes went wide at hearing that. “Robbie! Robbie, forbidden magic, it’s…it’s _forbidden_!”

Robbie waved his hands again with a dismissive hiss. “Forbidden is an exaggeration. I’ve been doing my research. Trust me, the _forbidden_ part of it won’t be coming into play here. But that’s besides the point! Sportacus, you can finish your transition!”

The hero shook his head like a dog trying to dispel clinging rainwater. “But, Robbie…I, how, I mean…this doesn’t make any sense. _How_ is this possible? You can’t just…magic up body parts, and…I just… _how_?”

The tall man jabbed his finger into the air. “I’m glad you asked!” He spun around, grabbed a large glass jar of a pale blue liquid off his nearest workbench, and turned back around to face his partner, the item firmly held in both hands. “ _This_! You drink this, we get some swirly magic chanty stuff happening, I stick you in the big metal doo-dad, it swoops around a bit, and _presto_! You’ll feel like a new man! So…what do you think?”

Sportacus delicately took the jar from Robbie’s grasp. He stared at the blue gel-like substance. It nearly glowed in his hands as it silently waited for the elf to pass judgement upon it. Robbie chewed on his lower lip in anticipation, his eyes glued on his partner’s face. Sportacus drew the nearly football-sized object to his chest and sniffled, curling in on the jar before looking up at Robbie with wet eyes.

“Sp-Sportabuddy, you okay?” Robbie asked in sudden uncertainty.

The elf whimpered, his chin quivering. “Th-this is what you’ve been working on?”

Robbie sighed, shoulders relaxing as he gave his husband a warm smile. He gently pried the jar of magical goo from the hero’s grasp and set it back on the table behind him.

“Oh, Sportalove,” he cooed fondly, pulling Sportacus into a deep hug. “Come here.”

The elf latched onto Robbie like a lifeline, digging his fingers into their vest and pressing his face into the villain’s chest as he whined in overwhelming joy and disbelief. He felt Robbie’s long arms wrap him in a cocoon of concern and support and started crying all the harder. The two started to gently sway back and forth, neither of them quite sure who had started the motion. Robbie kissed the top of Sportacus’ hat.

“I didn’t want to see you upset anymore,” he whispered to the trembling hero. “You shouldn’t have to be afraid. It…it took a little while, but I found a way I could help. I wasn’t just about to _not_ let my husband have a chance like this.”

“You didn’t ‘ave to do it,” a muffled reply from Robbie’s chest whined.

“I know I didn’t. I don’t do anything I don’t _want_ to do; you know that. I…did it because I love you. You stupid elf.”

Sportacus choked out a laugh, finally looking up at his wonderful husband. Robbie gently wiped his eyes. “Are…are you sure it’ll work?” he squeaked, sounding a lot more pitiful than he had intended.

Robbie nodded. “I know it will. That’s why I told Glanni to come by—so we have an extra set of eyes on things. You just let me know when you’re ready and we’ll start.”

Sportacus’ eyes were like saucers again. “I—you mean, uh…”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “Not right _now_ , Sportacow. But…it you want…we could do it as early as tomorrow. Glanni and your brother already agreed to take the girls for the weekend if you need it.”

Sportacus shook his head and shuddered. “I…I can’t even process this right now! I—th-this is a dream come true, Robbie! I—I can’t even _think_!”

“Breathe! Breathe…” Robbie kissed Sportacus’ cheek. “We don’t need to rush. This’ll all still be waiting whenever you’re ready. That’s what matters.”

The hero nodded.

“Do you want to go to bed? I know it’s early, but, well, this _is_ kind of a lot to take in.”

Sportacus nodded again.

“Okay,” Robbie said with a gentle sigh. “Let’s go to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

The hero and villain stepped back to momentarily catch their breath. They intertwined fingers and Sportacus let Robbie lead him out of the workshop and toward the living room.

“Robbie?” Sportacus asked, pausing in his steps. “I still don’t…I mean…can we talk _now_ instead? About your invention, I mean.”

“Of course. Ahh…here!” Robbie said, still guiding his husband along. “Couch! Yes, couch—enough room for the both of us.”

Sportacus felt himself sit down on the familiar piece of furniture, but somehow the living room felt so far away, like he was drifting in a void. It was almost the same, foggy feeling he felt whenever he was sick, like his body was present, but his mind was adrift. Only this time, instead of being hindered by some sort of cold, his ability to think was being hindered just by too many thoughts and feelings all warring against one other to see what deserved his focus. Sportacus looked up at Robbie’s handsome face, if only to ground himself in something familiar, and felt the man’s long arm snake around his shoulders to hold him close. That felt nice.

“Why is it forbidden?” the hero heard himself ask.

Robbie was silent for a moment. Sportacus could practically feel the man mentally turning in on himself as he tried to formulate an answer.

“Robbie?” the hero probed. “This…it…this feels too good to be true. Is it…safe? Why would the magic be forbidden to use if…if it is?”

The villain let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not _exactly_ forbidden. The source was, but…but I altered it.” Seeing Sportacus’ unchanged stare, Robbie frowned and pursed his lips for a few seconds. “Alright,” he said after a long while, “I’ll be honest. The base of the spell I found was for necromancy.”

The elf’s eyes flew wide open. He pulled back from his husband with a look of horror. “Robbie! What do you mean necro—”

Sportacus’ panic was immediately interrupted by his villain waving his arms between them in a desperate attempt to clear the room of fear.

“No, no! Sportalove, no! I _changed_ it. It’s not that anymore. No dead bodies, none of that, I promise!”

“Then what magic are you _doing_ , Robbie?” Sportacus cried in well-deserved concern.

“I…” The villain sighed, arms dropping to his lap in a heap. “It’s a long story. Kind of. Well…” He seemed to think it over for a second. “Okay, not really.”

Sportacus could feel the muscles in his shoulders tighten in nervous frustration. What had his husband been playing with all these weeks? Forbidden magic…necromancy…good heavens, what trouble might Robbie have gotten himself into while Sportacus had been busy being so oblivious? He chewed on his lower lip and let one of his legs bounce as he waited for his beloved to come up with a proper explanation as to what madness had been going on behind his back.

“You know how…how Macaroni was…an _accident_?” Robbie began, studying Sportacus’ face as he spoke.

The elf slowly nodded.

“Turns out there’s a, uh, a lot of _weird_ stuff in that book. Most of it’s kind of…sketchy, as you can imagine.”

Sportacus huffed. He didn’t like the sound of this so far. He didn’t even like the idea that Robbie had been housing the magic tome under their roof without his knowledge for so long, much less that he had been looking through it and _using_ the knowledge inside.

“I found a spell in there that, uh, was a little, well, _gross_ at first. Some pretty dark mages or whatever apparently used the thing after battles to, uh…” Robbie sighed heavily, eyebrows raising as Sportacus watched him debate within himself about how to phrase things as gently as possible. “They used it to…fix themselves.”

“Fix themselves?”

The villain winced slightly. “Yeah. Like, _replacing_ body parts by, uh…swapping them with the guy who didn’t really…come out on top.”

The hero suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. “Y-you mean dead bodies.”

Robbie reluctantly nodded. “Yeah. Apparently, their logic was along the lines of ‘Hey, need a new hand? Well, that guy’s not using his anymore, so…’” He shrugged slowly.

Sportacus absently wondered if he looked as sickly as he was beginning to feel. “So when you say I could h-have my own, um…” He could _feel_ his face turning green at the thought.

“Ew, no! Sporta— _no_!” Robbie interrupted. “I _told you_ —no dead bodies! That’s…that’s disgusting!”

“Well, if the spell, erm… _swaps_ parts, f-for lack of a better word, where would it...you know…come from?”

Robbie let out a long, heavy sigh as Sportacus quieted down. The elf began to chew lightly on the inside of his cheek as he watched Robbie’s shoulders deflate and the man across from him recompose himself.

“From me,” the villain said softly, not quite meeting his husband’s eye. “I want you to have mine.”

Another silence.

Robbie stared at his hands in his lap while Sportacus could barely see anything at all. He sat there, lips parted as his jaw grew slack. The words swirled in his mind, the implications of Robbie’s idea hitting him all at once.

“Yours?” was all the elf could say at first.

Robbie nodded. “The spell exchanges body parts. It integrates them perfectly…no tissue rejection or anything like that. I researched everything I could find on it. After staring at the darn thing long enough, I was able to figure out how to alter it enough so that one could use it with _living_ tissue instead of repurposing, well, _you know_. Everything checks out, and I built the Alleviator to be able to compensate for any gaps and keep everything working like it should, since I’m no good at spellcasting myself.

“Since I can’t just _change_ things for you, I thought this would be the next best option. And, well, if it will help you feel whole…that’s enough for me. I mean, sure, what I have to offer’s probably not the _best_ you could ask for, but I didn’t think you’d be too comfortable swapping with a stranger or something—because I sure wouldn’t—but if you don’t mind being a little _pale_ and—”

“Robbie, Robbie stop,” Sportacus begged, hands hovering over his temples as though he were trying to prevent a terrible headache from coming on. He shut his eyes and did his best to process the new surge of information that had been thrust at him in the last few minutes. “You…you want to give me _your_ penis?” he asked cautiously.

His partner nodded. “Well, yes.”

Sportacus’ eyebrows knit close together in thought. “You would…you’re _willing_ to do that?”

Robbie looked almost offended. “Of course.”

Slowly, the hero began to connect the dots strewn out before him. “And that means…and that means you would have _my_ —” He swallowed. “My…parts?”

Robbie nodded. “I would,” he said quietly. “Is that…okay?”

He didn’t know. Sportacus really didn’t know. Too much was swirling around in his head right now. Too much information…spells and necromancy and body parts and dysphoria and Robbie and…oh, his poor, sweet Robbie. The elf squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself from crying. He wanted it. He wanted to feel whole, he really did, but this…the means to the end had him so conflicted that Sportacus felt queasy. He couldn’t ask Robbie to do something like this, no matter how safe the man said it was. Yet, he had gone through so much trouble just to get to this point, and all for Sportacus’ sake, because Robbie loved him. Robbie loved him so much he was willing to _literally_ give up a piece of himself and…and…and Sportacus had no idea how to swallow any of this right now. He shook his head and felt himself stand up from the couch, only vaguely aware of his movements.

“I…I don’t know. I can’t…” He shook his head again. “I’m sorry, Robbie, I can’t think right now.”

Robbie said something then, but Sportacus really didn’t hear it; he was too busy pulling away.

“I’ll be in the airship,” Sportacus said, hurrying off to the familiar safety of his old home.

Robbie stayed behind, sitting quietly on the couch.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pacing? What's that?
> 
> Sorry this took so long; I thought I'd posted it last month...oops.  
> Check my Tumblr for more details and updates.

Sportacus didn’t come back from the airship. Robbie scribbled off a quick letter to his cousin to update him with news of the hero’s disastrous reaction and, without being able to bring forth the effort to bother with any sort of dinner, went to bed woefully early. It was barely seven o’clock and he was in bed. Robbie Rotten, the nightiest night owl of LazyTown, was in bed before his health-addict husband. On one hand, Robbie couldn’t recall the last time he had gone to bed so early; on the other, one _could_ argue that pulling the covers over your head so early in the evening was the epitome of lazy behavior, so…he would just have to find solace in that for now.

The soft _pop_ of Glanni’s reply letter disrupted the air pressure near his ear. Robbie felt the piece of paper laying on top of him, but he ignored it, feeling bad enough as it was. Boy, had he screwed up this time. The look of overwhelming panic etched across Sportacus’ face wouldn’t leave his mind. Robbie squeezed his eyelids as tightly as possible in a feeble attempt to will the image away. A second _pop_ came about ten or fifteen minutes later and was quickly followed by the sound of Robbie grunting in pain as something hard and pointy hit him in the shoulder before tumbling off his lump of a body to settle beside him in the bed.

 “What the heck was _that_?” Robbie moaned, finally throwing back the covers enough to look at whatever his cousin had been sending.

Beside him sat what looked like a piece of stained wood nestled in his blankets, a piece of paper wrapped around it and held tight with a rubber band. One of the stupid corners must have been what hit him, not that the knowledge would keep him from surely bruising where it had made contact. He moved to sit up only to hear the original item, a single page letter, flutter from his hip to the floor. With a groan and a long, soft whine, Robbie leaned over the edge of the bed to retrieve it. Now that he was up he might as well look at the stupid things in the proper order, at least.

 

> _Robbie—_
> 
> _I’m sorry, Cupcake. He was probably just a little overwhelmed—wouldn’t you be? Try not to take it too hard. He’ll come around. You know elves—they need to work themselves into unconsciousness before their damn muscles shut up enough to let their brains do any fucking work. It’s a handicap, really, but at least it’s nice to watch them work out the tension sometimes. But I digress._
> 
> _Try not to feel bad, Candy Cane. I know you—you’re sulking, aren’t you? Knock that shit off. Your blueberry loves you. He’s just a little panicky right now. He’ll come around soon enough. In the meantime, try not to make yourself feel bad like you always do. You’re a great husband, so stop being a moping dumbshit, okay, sweetie?_
> 
> _If you don’t reply in the next ten minutes I’m going to assume you’re sulking and need a good smack in the jaw._
> 
> _Love you,_
> 
> _Glanni_

 

The hand holding Glanni’s letter fell to his lap with an audible slap. Robbie groaned and leaned back in bed to stare up at the closed metal dome of his bedroom ceiling. Glanni really needed to work on his bedside manners, didn’t he? Stupid jerk. Robbie _really_ didn’t want to hear his cousin’s nonsense right now. A man was entitled to sulk a little bit and—dare he say it?—feel _bad_ when something that was supposed to be a grandiose gesture of love and support blew up in his face and made the love of his life run away and lock himself in an airship for heaven knows how long to deal with things. With a heavy sigh, Robbie transferred the letter to his night stand and reached for his cousin’s follow-up delivery, no doubt some sort of guilt trip about not being happy was why Sportacus was upset with him because _that_ made sense somehow.

He pulled the rubber band from the block, nearly tearing the paper in the process. It fell away from its wooden vessel to reveal an image. Robbie blinked in surprise to see that he wasn’t holding a random piece of wood, but a picture frame. Inside of which was a very familiar picture. He had a copy of it himself, in fact, just downstairs on the shelf of precious family photos that lined the walls of the main room. Below the glass rested an image of Sportacus and himself surrounded by fluttering flower petals blowing in a gentle breeze. Each of them wore pristine suits in their respective signature colors, and with perfectly-arranged flower crowns resting in their hair. They weren’t looking at the camera at all, their eyes instead closed as they leaned into one another to share their first kiss as a married couple.

Robbie swallowed, a thousand memories and emotions welling up in Robbie’s chest the longer he looked upon the image. At the time it was taken, he had been certain that he would somehow screw up that kiss, that some horrendous disaster would interrupt their wedding, or Sportacus would come to his senses and leave him at the altar. But no…everything had been perfect, and he had gotten to marry the man of his dreams. And here they were, over fifteen years later, and Robbie loved his stupid elf just as much now as he did on the day of that wonderful kiss.

Reluctantly, Robbie pulled his eyes away from the beloved photograph to take a look at the chicken scratch-covered note that had accompanied it.

 

> _You’re sulking. See, I knew you would be._
> 
> _STOP IT!_
> 
> _That elf loves you so much, Robbie. Trust me, I know he does. You think I would have let him stick around this long if he didn’t? A little hiccup from overloading the idiot’s brain isn’t going to mean he hates you all of a sudden. I love you, Brownie Bite, but you need to stop beating yourself up over his reaction. Give him some time to come around._
> 
> _Íþr_ _ó said sending this picture might be a good reminder to you about how much Sportacus loves you, so here it is. I hope it hits you in the head since I’m too far away right now to do it myself. Take it from someone who took way too long to let himself have what he always wanted—your elf loves you, and I know he appreciates what you’ve offered him. Don’t beat yourself up, Robbie. I’m, unfortunately, the master of hurting the ones you love the most, and I know you haven’t hurt Sportacus._
> 
> _I’m going to give Joy a brief run-down of what’s going on. Not everything, just enough so the girls won’t have to worry about what’s happening at home. I’ll bring the little candy apples back in time for school on Monday._
> 
> _It’ll be okay, Popsicle._
> 
> _-Glanni_

 

It took the man a minute, as well as the sudden appearance of a droplet of water on the glass surface of the picture frame, to realize that he had started to cry. How he loved his stupid…how he loved his _precious_ hero. Sportacus was the best thing that had ever happened to him and, best of all, the man was crazy enough to fall in love with him. They had raised two kids together—Robbie Rotten, a father! Of actual children! How had that happened?—and adopted an entire town as their own somewhere along the way as well. What they had was special. They were lifemates, after all. Maybe Glanni was right. Maybe things _would_ be okay.

Robbie set their wedding picture on his bedside table, both of Glanni’s letters folded up beside it. He laid back down and stared at it, letting himself get a little lost in Sportacus’ exuberant smile and the fond memories of their many milestones together. He wasn’t sure when, but Robbie must have fallen asleep eventually, because he came back to consciousness some time later to the sound of a running shower and the bedroom lights extinguished. He laid still, unsure what to do, even as he heard the running water cease and the soft sounds of a man getting out to dry himself.

Robbie stayed quiet and squeezed his eyes shut as the bedroom door opened. He listened to Sportacus cross the room and felt the mattress depress beside him. Neither of them moved for a few minutes, but Robbie eventually felt his husband lay down. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to look Sportacus in the eye and apologize for upsetting him so much, let him know that he loved the hero just as he was, that he would take a hammer to that damned machine if Sportacus just said the word. But he didn’t. Instead, he kept his breathing even and did his best to pretend that he was still asleep to avoid any further emotional discomfort for the evening.

He tried not to tense up too much when Sportacus inched closer and draped an arm over Robbie’s hip. He felt the elf’s hand press lightly on his stomach, holding him close in the dark. A warm, gentle breath tickled the back of his neck and the villain felt his body relax at the soft familiarity. He allowed himself to unwind in the presence of his beloved and let the light scent of soap and Spoartacus’ favorite shampoo surround him as he finally drifted back off to sleep.

*****

Six days on and Sportacus still hadn’t made a decision on the matter. His partner waited, a ball of anxious nerves for the duration. Robbie watched the elf go through his normal routine as if his big reveal had never happened: Sportacus played with the town children, rescued a few bumbling adults, cared for their animals, tended the community garden, and helped the girls with their homework. It was all so _normal_ , so routine, and Robbie could barely stand it. Even so, the villain kept quiet, barely speaking to his husband at all, in fact, in fear that he may accidentally say something hurtful or insensitive. Or maybe just anything that would make _either_ of them feel bad afterward. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure Sportacus into a decision he didn’t want to make.

It was after dinner when they finally spoke to one another in any real capacity beyond mundane niceties. The meal had been mostly quiet, Joy and Nadía doing most of the talking. Both were looking forward to the end of the school year, particularly all of the end-of-semester social events that went along with it. Now, though, the girls were off doing their homework and the two men had been left to their own devices. Robbie was just finishing clearing the table of leftovers. Sportacus was at the sink with soap suds up to his elbows. Aside from the occasional splash or clinking of silverware-on-ceramics, there was silence.

“Are you upset with me?”

Robbie’s head snapped up in surprise at the abrupt question. “What?”

“I asked if…if you’re upset with me,” Sportacus repeated quietly, eyes on the sink before him.

“I heard you the first time,” Robbie replied as he carried the serving dishes into the kitchen. “I just don’t know why you asked it.”

There was a brief pause before Sportacus answered. “About your…invention.”

Robbie took in a careful breath. “What about it?”

The hero shrugged, keeping his eyes on the soapy cutlery in his hands. “You’ve been…quiet lately. That’s all,” he said in a low voice.

The villain flinched. Wonderful, Robbie, as usual. Way to send the wrong message. He sighed and set down the Tupperware he had pulled from the cabinet and sighed. He gave Sportacus a side glance while his heart twisted at the sight of the elf’s drooping mustache.

“I didn’t want to pressure you,” he explained softly. “I know…I know it’s a big decision, and I didn’t want you to feel like you _had_ to do it if you didn’t want to.” Robbie tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry if it came across wrong.”

Still covertly watching his husband, Robbie could practically see the tension leave Sportacus’ shoulders. That was good, at least. Though he couldn’t see the entirety of his love’s face, Robbie did feel a little better being able to see the curvature of the elf’s cheeks swell at the sound of his apology. Their leftovers temporarily abandoned, Robbie leaned over to give Sportacus a kiss on that wonderful cheek.

“If you don’t want it,” Robbie sighed, “You don’t need to use it. I just…wanted to make sure you had the option.”

Sportacus turned to look up at him, a wide, loving smile stretched across his face. Without thinking, the elf put his wet, soapy hand on the back of Robbie’s neck to pull him down for a kiss of his own. Their lips barely met before the sensation of water dripping on his neck made Robbie jump away, the man yelping and swatting at his neck in an instinctual panic at the feeling. The hero burst into laugher at the sight of it, and his villain soon followed suit once he realized what had happened.

“Sorry, Robbie.”

The taller of the pair shuddered uncomfortably as he wiped at the back of his neck. Sportacus tried not to snicker at his husband’s dilemma.

“It’s okay, Sportasuds. Just…keep your slimy elf fingers to yourself.”

Sportacus chuckled and went back to work. Robbie did likewise. In spite of the silence between them, the atmosphere felt much lighter, and the natural light around Sportacus had returned. Things felt normal again, which was a nice feeling after the tension of the past week.

Robbie rolled his eyes and playfully groaned at the secretly welcomed return of his stupid husband’s tricks: tossing glasses in the air as he passed them between wash tubs, spinning plates to get rid of any excess water after a quick dry. It was entirely over the top and _incredibly_ ridiculous. Yet, Robbie secretly loved watching the show. He always did. It was silly, unnecessary, occasionally resulted in broken dishware…and it was completely charming. Just like Sportacus himself.

Once the dishes were finished and their leftovers carefully organized and put away—particularly so Robbie could return in the middle of the night for unsanctioned snacks—the pair headed to bed. It was nearly eight o’clock and, whether Robbie could sleep or not, he still liked to at least lay down with his elf while Sportacus drifted off to dreamland. Especially now that they were talking again. He was nearly changed into his pajamas when the hero spoke from where he sat on his side of the bed.

“About…your invention…”

Robbie pulled on his shirt and fixed his hair accordingly. “Yes?”

“You said…it was a _transfer_ , right? I’m not…mis-remembering that?”

Robbie slipped into bed and pulled the covers up around his waist where he sat. “That’s right.”

There was a moment of silence before Sportacus spoke up again. “How are you okay with that?” he asked. “With giving up a piece of yourself. Literally. And getting my…getting _that_ in return. I’m not…you shouldn’t have to do that for me.”

“First of all,” Robbie said, leaning back against the headboard. “It’s called a vagina. You don’t have to be afraid to say it. And it’s not just the outer aesthetics; if you want to go through with it, you’re getting the whole, well, _package_.” He shrugged. “Second of all, I’m not just ‘doing that for you.’ I don’t _have_ to do anything. I didn’t _have_ to build the Dysphoria Alleviator 3000 in the first place, either.” At that point, Robbie turned fully to his husband, pulling Sportacus’ hand away from where the man was fiddling with the edge of their comforter and held it in his own instead. “Sportacus, look at me. I was nervous about the idea at first, too, I admit it. But I knew it would be worth it just to see the look on your face when it was all over. And, if I’m being entirely honest, I’ve…kind of ended up a little excited about it.”

The elf stared at him. “Wh-what? But— _why_?”

“I’ve always been comfortable with what I am. But…it’s hard to express it, at least _physically_. Being nonbinary sometimes feels like the gender identity that you _have_ to tell people about because otherwise…no one would ever know. It’s hard to convince the world you’re both male _and_ female at the same time when your body only shows half of yourself. The thought of, I don’t know, my body actually _reflecting_ how I feel inside…it’s something I never thought was an option for me! And…now that it is, I kind of… _ahh_ , I mean…” he trailed off.

Robbie looked away with a small shrug, unsure if he should continue his jumbled outpouring of emotions or not. He felt like he was sharing too much. What if Sportacus thought he was crazy for feeling like he did? _No, he wouldn’t._ Robbie knew he wouldn’t, but it still felt strange admitting such things out loud. He’d never even expressed things like this to Glanni before, and his cousin had known about Robbie’s identity for as long as he’d known it himself.  He suddenly felt incredibly exposed and unsure if he should be embarrassed or ashamed of his own feelings and Robbie dared not look up at his husband for fear of any judgement he might find on in the hero’s eyes.

“So,” Sportacus said slowly beside him, “It…wouldn’t be a _burden_ for you, then? You…you wouldn’t regret doing it?”

That made Robbie look up to face his partner again. He shook his head firmly and locked eyes with the hesitant-looking hero. For good measure, he gave Sportacus’ hand a comforting squeeze.

“Either way it wouldn’t be a regret. Look, Sportafluff, I did all this for you. I don’t want you to have to worry about possible _accidents_ anymore when we’re together, or-or feel wrong when you look in the mirror, or have to deal with any of that. I want you to be happy. This is the best way I know how to do that. My little self-exploratory adventure is just an added bonus. This is about _you_.”

Sportacus sat back in bed, staring at their entwined fingers with a thoughtful look on his face. He nodded, quiet save for a small sniffle and what Robbie thought might have been a mumbled apology.

“Hey, Sportasniff,” he said gently. “You okay?”

There was a choked bit of laughter when the elf nodded in response. Sportacus looked up with tears in his eyes, but a smile on his lips. It made something in Robbie’s chest flutter to see it and he again squeezed his husband’s hand to relieve some of the pressure.

“Yeah. Yeah, I was…” Sportacus fumbled, his voice still a bit on the shaky side. “I was just thinking A-about how lucky I am to…to have someone like you, Robbie. Someone who-who cares about me enough to…to…”

Robbie lifted the hero’s hand to give it a gentle kiss. “To be crazy enough to dabble in forbidden magic and weave it though a bunch of technobabble to make a giant machine that can literally swap our genitalia so you won’t have to feel dysphoric anymore? _That_ little thing?”

Sportacus snorted and nodded, laughing outright as he wiped his damp eyes with his free hand. “Y-yeah. That.”

“Well of course,” Robbie said, voice lowering as he leaned over to give his husband a gentle kiss. “I love you, you stupid, flippy elf.” Then, more seriously, “I couldn’t stand to see you in pain anymore. I was determined to find a way to take it away so you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. You…you don’t deserve to be forced to feel that way.”

“You didn’t have to,” the hero whispered weakly.

Robbie just smiled. “Of course I did. I’m a villain—I’m _supposed_ to ignore what the hero says!”

Sportacus sputtered, letting out something between a laugh and a sob while his husband tried to carefully wipe away the tears from his again-sparkling blue eyes. The two leaned against one another, pulling their blanket up around their shoulders as if to protect their intimate moment from the rest of the world and keep it solely as their own.

“And…it’s safe?”

“ _Hmm_?” Robbie hummed, his eyelids feeling oddly heavy for the hour.

“It’s safe, right, Robbie?” Sportacus asked. “Your machine?”

Something flip-flopped in Robbie’s stomach. “Of course! I mean…yes. Well, as safe as it _can_ be,” he admitted, voice falling to little more than a mumble the longer he spoke. With a sigh, he continued. “That’s why Glanni’s helping. So I have an extra pair of eyes on things to make sure everything goes right while we’re…busy.”

Sportacus was quiet again. After a moment, he nuzzled lazily against Robbie’s shoulder and let out a breathy sigh on the man’s exposed throat.

“Can we maybe do it tomorrow?” he asked in a voice so quiet that his partner almost didn’t hear him in spite of their intimate proximity.

“We can do it whenever you’d like, Sportacutie. “No need to rush at all.”

“I don’t deserve you,” the hero whimpered into his shoulder.”

“No,” Robbie agreed. “You deserve _better_.”

“ _Robbie_ …”

“But I’m still not giving you up, so you’re just going to have to be stuck with me. Sucks to be you.”

He could feel Sportacus smile against the fabric of his night shirt. The pair held one another close until Sportacus drifted off to sleep. Surprisingly tired himself after the emotional conversation, Robbie ran his hands through the man’s soft hair and tried to calm his anxieties even in sleep. After some time, Robbie gently tried to reposition Sportacus to sleep on the elf’s own pillow rather than his chest. It was difficult, the hero’s amazing density notwithstanding, but he managed to do it without Sportacus being any the wiser.

“Just because you’re short doesn’t mean you’re getting any lighter,” Robbie grumbled good-naturedly to himself as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and moved to get up. “Sleep well, Sportakook.”

Despite his pajamas, Robbie slipped out of the bedroom and headed back to the workshop to send off a quick letter to Glanni and maybe run through his checklist again. If he was right, tomorrow was going to be a big day, and he needed to make sure everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I constantly end shit with people going to bed. I don't know why I do that, but it seems to be a calling card at this point. Deal with it.
> 
> *********  
> So...I'll say right now there is NO sex in this fic. However, things are still going to get NSFW next update, so...do with that information what you will.  
> *********


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeat: This and next chapter include NSFW-type stuff. You've been warned.
> 
> And thus, the main event...
> 
> Please, If you don't like it, don't read it.

“I’m nervous.”

A firm, yet friendly hand came down on the elf’s shoulder. Íþróttaálfurinn gave his brother a reassuring smile and rubbed gentle circles into Sportacus’ shoulder as though he were trying to knead the tension out of the muscle himself. The gesture did not seem to have much of an effect, despite Sportacus’ appreciation.

“You’ll be fine,” Íþrótta assured him, his voice warm and confident.

Sportacus tried to nod, but found he was having trouble doing so just yet. “I’m still really nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” his brother replied. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with being nervous; it’s normal.”

“I know. I know that. It’s just…this is big. It—” Sportacus fell silent for a moment. “This is really real, isn’t it? It’s really happening.”

Íþrótta nodded with a grand smile. “It is! I’m very happy for you, Sportacus.”

The hero smiled brightly at his blue counterpart and the brief conversation ended. Sportacus fidgeted as they waited for the girls to finish gathering up their things off in their bedrooms. Neither of the men spoke for some time, but Íþróttaálfurinn kept his hand on his brother’s shoulder in a show of support.

He shifted from foot to foot, his muscles itching to move and relieve the tension inside. Even so, Sportacus didn’t…couldn’t move. As much as he yearned to stretch, the nervous feeling of wanting to curl into a tight ball and turn off the lights to just hide in the dark forever was just as strong, if not stronger still, and he found himself rooted in place as a result. None of this felt truly real yet. It _was_ ; he knew it was, but it still felt like a faraway fantasy. In the fleeting moments where it _did_ register for him that this was actually happening, the weight of it all felt like too much and Sportacus wondered if he might suddenly throw up. The undulation between the two sensations alone was enough on their own, but combining it all with the rumination of his fears and hopes just felt like too much.

“I don’t know about you, but this feels awfully familiar,” Íþrótta remarked with a mild chuckle, interrupting his twin’s downward spiral.

Sportacus shot him an incredulous look, but the yellow-clothed hero continued undeterred.

“It is like your chest surgery all over again,” he supplied.

Sportacus’ face freely deepend into a frown.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how anxious you were then! You would be waiting in that office _still_ if I hadn’t wrestled you into submission.”

The nervous elf shifted uncomfortably at the once-distant memory.

“How did it turn out?” Íþrótta coaxed.

His brother squirmed where he stood, hating how easily Íþróttaálfurinn was baiting him, but appreciating the other man’s attempts to calm him anyway. “Fine,” Sportacus mumbled quietly without looking his twin in the eye.

“Exactly. This is what you’ve always dreamed of, Sportacus. This time tomorrow you’re going to wonder why you ever hesitated.”

“What if something goes wrong?” the local hero heard himself ask. “What if…Robbie has second thoughts?”

His brother sighed. “I doubt either of those things will happen, Sportacus. You’re trying to weasel your way out of this. You did the same thing with your chest surgery; I won’t let you do it here.”

He was silent, not daring to meet Íþrótta’s gaze.

“They have been working on this for a long time, Sportacus,” the other hero continued. “When Glanni told me what he and Robbie were planning, I was absolutely amazed. Robbie loves you so much, brother. If I know him half as well as I think I do, he has made sure that every bit of this machine of his is as safe as can be, and he will _never_ second-guess his decision to do this. You are letting your fears carry you away.” He patted his twin’s shoulder at that. “You are your only obstacle now, Sportacus.”

“I know,” the elf replied sheepishly, voice growing quieter with every word he spoke. “I know I am. I just…can’t stop thinking about it like some kind of…of surgery.”

Íþróttaálfurinn sighed, but rubbed the other man’s back in understanding. “Do you regret your chest surgery?” he asked gently.

“No. No, I…” Sportacus shivered involuntarily. “I don’t. It was…terrible, but…but I’m glad I did it.” He gave Íþrótta a side-glance. “Thank you, by the way. I know I’ve said it before, but…thank you.”

His brother beamed back at him. “ _Ekkert a_ _ð_ _þakka, br_ _óðir minn,_ ” he replied. “I know you can do this, Sportacus. You have already endured worse.”

He nodded. “I know.”

A small chorus of voices and merry laughter interrupted the brothers’ conversation. Both looked up to see Nadía and Joy all but skipping out from the hallway to meet them in the main room, each of them carrying a large duffle bag with them. Behind the pair came Glanni and Robbie, the two men carrying a pair of pillows and accompanying blankets under their arms.

“Uncle Íþró!” the girls cried nearly in unison as they hurried over to the hug the visiting hero.

“Girls!” he laughed, stooping just enough to be able to grab each of the two at the same time. “I have missed you. Are you ready for a fun weekend?”

“Yeah!” the younger of the two cheered, bouncing with excitement over the endless possibilities for fun that could encompass her life over the next couple of days.

Joy, too, nodded with a smile. “Craig and Sólarupprás are coming, too, right?” she asked.

Íþróttaálfurinn looked almost offended at the question. “Of course they are, sweetheart! This is a _family_ weekend, after all! Do you know he’s never been to a water park before?”

Nadía gasped at the concept. “ _Never_?” she asked. Seeing her uncle shake his head, her young mind was immediately made up, and she adopted a stern expression to match her commitment as she said “Well we’ll just have to fix that, then! We’re going to go to one this weekend, right, Uncle Íþró?”

The hero chuckled warmly at his niece’s determination. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Sure,” Glanni sighed dramatically as he walked up and threw the bedding in his arms at his partner. “You go and do the _fun_ stuff without me. Don’t think I’m not on to you, _hero_ ,” he warned with a huff and a dark expression.

Sportacus glanced nervously between the two men for a moment, only able to tell that Glanni must have been teasing when Íþróttaálfurinn snickered and leaned over to give the criminal a tender kiss that was immediately reciprocated. Even now, he didn’t _quite_ understand his brother’s relationship, but he was glad that the two of them had one another. They loved each other as much as he loved his own husband, and that was all that really mattered.

He looked over at Robbie, who was speaking quietly with Joy nearby. The girl was all but pulling the blankets out of her father’s arms so he wouldn’t have to carry them any longer. Sportacus felt a familiar, gentle warmth spread through his chest as she smiled at the sight. His sweet Robbie had done all of this for him. His brother had come to help watch his children so that they could focus on themselves. Even Glanni was pitching in far more than Sportacus had expected him to, considering their admittedly thin relationship. Once all this was over, he would have to find a way to thank him for his help…for everyone’s help.

“Hey, Pabbi?”

He blinked, realizing that Joy was now beside him. Sportacus smiled and instinctively pulled his little girl into a gentle hug.

“Good luck,” he heard her say softly. “Papa told me.”

“He did?” Sportacus asked nervously.

Joy nodded with warm eyes fixed on his. “Yeah. Besides, if he didn’t, Uncle Glanni didn’t leave too much to the imagination, to be honest. Either way, I’m really happy for you.”

Sportacus smiled for her, though he could feel how forced and lopsided it felt. He didn’t like how much his nerves were affecting his ability to be excited, but he couldn’t seem to help it. Sure, his top surgery had gone well, but the terror that had accompanied it, the thought of what the doctors had been doing, and the aching, restrictive, agonizingly slow recovery that had followed…it was all coming back to him and, despite logically knowing that Robbie’s machine wouldn’t be anything like it, to the reptilian part of his brain, it certainly felt that way.

“Thank you, Joy,” he forced himself to say.

“It’ll be okay, Papa,” she continued with that supportive, loving smile she always seemed to wear. “You’ll see.”

Sportacus let out a nervous laugh. “You sound like your uncle.”

She shrugged and gave him a teasing smirk that she must have learned from his husband somewhere along the line. “Maybe that’s because he’s right.”

Sportacus pulled his daughter close again. She shifted the bedding to one arm so she could return the hug. She gave him a kiss on the cheek just long enough to remind Sportacus how much she had grown over the years, then pulled away.

“I love you, Pabbi.”

“I love you, too. You’re my baby girl.”

Joy gave him one more smile before joining her uncle, who was already gathering up everyone’s bags to carry back to his balloon. Nadía gave both her parents a quick parting hug before racing after Íþróttaálfurinn, the group of them heading off in a bustle of excited whoops and giggles.

Robbie came up beside him, wrapping an arm around the hero’s waist as they watched their girls go. Glanni stood nearby, his arms folded across his chest and a strange, faraway look on his face that Sportacus couldn’t quite identify. He sighed and looked up at his love and tried not to tremble under the weight slowly descending upon his shoulders.

“N-now what?”

Robbie leaned down ever so slightly to give his husband a kiss before answering. “Depends on when you want to do it.”

“As soon as possible,” he answered quickly, admitting “I’m nervous enough already.”

Robbie nodded in understanding. “Then let’s go have a drink, then.”

*****

_As soon as possible_ didn’t seem very soon at all, at least not by Sportacus’ standards. He sat on the edge of the bathtub, his knees bouncing in unison as he focused intently on the tile between his feet. The waiting was terrible. It was killing him, he was sure, making his entire chest feel tight as the timer sitting on the counter tick-tick-ticked away. He felt sick, literally sick, and the elf wasn’t sure if the nausea was from his own nerves, a side-effect of the potion sitting in his gut, or the gel-like salve that he had had to spread across as much of his _transferrable region_ as he could. It had been absorbed into the skin by this point, not even a film left to indicate that he had applied anything at all, but Sportacus could _swear_ he still felt it…just like he had been so aware of the markings the doctor had drawn on his chest all those year ago. It was amazing how much anxiety could make something harmless all but _burn_ his flesh.

“Sporty?” Robbie’s soft, soothing voice asked from beside him.

He looked up, almost having forgotten his husband was there with how focused he had become upon his own endless tension. He felt the other man’s fingers brush the back of his hand and quickly grabbed them for his own, giving as gentle of a squeeze as he could manage. Robbie did the same, and Sportacus let out a small breath he hadn’t realized he had been trying to hold.

“Sportacus? You okay?”

The hero first nodded, then quickly changed to shaking his head instead. “I…I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I’m…I’m scared, Robbie. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m scared,” he admitted in a voice so small he wasn’t entirely sure it had come from his own lips.

“I know,” Robbie said gently. “It’s okay. I’m nervous, too. But things will be okay. You’ll see.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. And…and I know it will. But it doesn’t help,” Sportacus mumbled. “I’m still scared. It still doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen. I never thought I’d get…I mean… _ugh_ , Robbie, it feels like I’m having surgery! I don’t—I hate—!”

“It’s okay, Sportalove,” the man beside him said gently. “I know. But…no one’s cutting you open, there’re no hospitals, and, if my calculations are correct, the worst there might be for recovery is feeling a little tired for a bit. That’s not so bad, right? A little nap and you’re good to go?”

Sportacus shrugged. “N-no,” he admitted. “But…it’s convincing my brain that that’s _really_ all that’s going to happen is the hard part. I _know_ I’m not going in for…” He swallowed, no even wanting to say the word ‘surgery’ anymore. “…you know. But it _feels_ like I am.”

Robbie squeezed his hand again. He started to say something, but was cut off by the shrill sound of the timer deciding to go off in his stead.  Sportacus startled at the noise, arm lashing out to silence the shrieking thing as he sprung to his feet. Breathing heavily, the elf looked back at his partner with timid eyes and an ashamed apology on his lips. Robbie dismissed the notion with a dramatic sigh and theatrically throwing up his hands before slapping them down on his thighs and forcing his body to stand.

“I guess that means it’s showtime,” he announced loudly.

Sportacus could only bring himself to offer the smallest of nods as a response. He watched in silence as Robbie gathered up their usual bath towels and held out the familiar pastel blue for the hero to take.

“It’ll be okay, Sportacus,” Robbie assured him, his voice warm and caring. “I promise.”

He took the towel and wrapped it around himself without a word. Robbie did likewise and, offering his husband his hand, the pair left the bathroom for Robbie’s workshop. To Sportacus, the theoretically short trip seemed to last for ages. Weeks and weeks, perhaps. Maybe a year, even. It was hard to tell, really. All he knew was his feet felt like they were made of lead, growing heavier with every step, and his lungs seemed to have forgotten how to expand properly, clinching around his heart instead and leaving him short of breath. Neither sensation was very pleasant, though the warmth of Robbie’s wide palm against his almost made up for it.

“Well, well, well. You’re finally here. Welcome to the party!” Glanni called from where he was lounging at one of Robbie’s work benches. “I was getting bored waiting for you.”

Robbie just shot his cousin a dark look before he let go of his husband’s hand to swipe two glasses filled with the blue substance he had shown Sportacus over a week ago. The hero found himself reaching out a hand to take one of them without question when his villain offered it to him with an encouraging look. He had really hoped that he was done drinking strange elixirs today, but at least this one was the last.

Sportacus took a moment to steady his breathing and nodded. Both of them drank. The concoction, the elf found, had a terribly bitter taste, but it didn’t feel as thick on his tongue as its appearance had lead him to believe. Sportacus’ lips puckered and he shook his head upon swallowing it. The aftertaste was strange, and he couldn’t say that he liked it at all.

“It tastes like that nasty medicine you shove at me when I’m sick,” Robbie complained.

Sportacus couldn’t argue with that. He, too, scrunched his nose and shuddered as the residual taste lingered at the back of his unfortunate throat. The first drink, the one before the salve, hadn’t tasted like much of anything, and he missed it.

“Okay!” Glanni shouted with a startling clap of his hands as he sprang up to his feet. “So! Glow-goop taken, junk cream applied—!”

“ _Glanni_!” Robbie hissed, glaring at the other. “I _told_ you. They’re the _targeting agent_ and the _stabilizer serum_!”

The fae rolled his eyes and flapped an uncaring hand at his younger cousin. “You call them what you like I’ll call them what I like. Same damn difference, just get on the stupid pad thing or whatever you call them. You’re both ready and this machine’s been warming up for, like, an hour. I say we get this fucking show on the goddamn road already.” Glanni griped as he strode over to the control panel of Robbie’s machine.

The town villain grumbled something under his breath, then turned his attention back to Sportacus. “You ready?” he asked gently.

The elf looked up at the large contraption looming over them, suddenly quite able to hear and feel the soft hum that filled the air around it. Maybe he had just been too preoccupied before to notice, but now the soft, audible vibration was impossible for him to ignore. The tall curved pillars stared down at them, and Sportacus suddenly felt very, very small standing beside the machine that would change both their lives forever.

Forever.

This was it, wasn’t it? It was real. Robbie was here, the machine was working, and Sportacus…he was slowly starting to feel something new push up from within him, forcing its way through all of the fear that had cocooned itself around him over the past week. He let himself smile as the small seed of excited anticipation began to grow deep in his chest. Sportacus decided in that moment—once again—that he had married the most wonderful man in the world. Robbie had poured his blood, sweat, and tears into an immense machine based on a huge tome of ancient forbidden magics just to give Sportacus a means of feeling comfortable and safe in his own skin once and for all.

Since they had begun dating all those years ago, Robbie had told him over and over again that Sportacus gave the best presents, that he could never top them no matter what he tried. The hero had never understood how Robbie could hold his own simple gifts in such high regards when the man was willing to give him things like _this_. Sportacus felt the soft sting of moisture at the edges of his eyes as he continued to gaze upon the giant proclamation of love sitting in the middle of the workshop.

Sportacus’ emotional journey was unceremoniously interrupted with the sound of a grunt and a heavy white _something_ being dropped over his head, blocking out everything around him. Careful not to lose his towel, the elf tried to pull the wide, thick fabric down to reclaim his sight. Robbie’s yelling his cousin’s name in anger while he worked to free himself helped Sportacus realize what has just happened.

“ _What_?” Glanni demanded loudly as the hero struggled to find the end of the white cloth. “You said that you two have to get naked for this whole thing and I don’t want to see that shit. Just _knowing_ your blueberry is Íþró’s twin is bad enough. I don’t need to see anything that’ll confuse my dick when Íþró and I—”

Sportacus managed to pull the heavy sheet off of his head.

“We get it!” Robbie shouted in continued agitation. “The less I know about your sex life the better!” he complained with a shudder.

“We’re…fraternal twins,” Sportacus offered, unsure how else to help the strange conversation that was happening and trying desperately to ignore how hot his face and ears felt now that the subject matter had shifted.

“Yeah, sure,” Glanni laughed as he continued his retreat to the console once again. “Just because your junk came out the wrong flavor doesn’t mean you two don’t look _exactly_ like each other otherwise.”

Sportacus shifted uncomfortably. “N-no we don’t…” was all he could say.

“Not anymore, thank God,” Glanni sighed. “Don’t think I didn’t kiss the ground when he finally got rid of that stupid pencil mustache bullshit.” He pointed at Sportacus. “That means you _can’t_ shave it off, by the way. You do and I’ll kick you in your soon-to-be nuts.”

Robbie just sighed. “Glanni, _please_ stop threatening my husband.”

“His genetics threatened my dick first,” the man grumbled, folding his arms over his chest like a petulant child who was just told that he couldn’t have a cookie before dinner.

“Just do your job,” Robbie said before turning back to his love. “So, um…ready?” he asked with an awkward shrug.

Sportacus felt the red-hot sting in his ears begin to fade and nodded. “I…think so, actually.”

The elf took his partner’s offer of an extended hand and the pair walked up to and took their places on a circular pad at the center of the grand machine. They joined hands, the long sheet still draped over the hero’s shoulder, and looked at one another. There wasn’t an ounce of nervousness in Robbie’s eyes. The man just smiled, his beautiful face stretching with joy for the occasion, and it took nearly all of Sportacus’ willpower not to tackle him and smother him with thankful, loving kisses right then and there. His Robbie had made all of this possible, with no hesitation or regret, and everything was going to be okay.

“I’m covering my eyes now,” Glanni called from where he still stood. “You two go smash your nasties together and put that sheet around you both so I don’t have to see it!”

Robbie rolled his eyes with a momentary frown, but Sportacus could only give a small laugh to the situation. He didn’t much like the idea of being, well, nude in the presence of someone who was _not_ Robbie, but at least he had the assurance that Glanni wasn’t looking. And, after the fae’s previous outburst over Sportacus’ familial similarities to his brother, he was confident that their visitor probably wouldn’t be trying to peek any time soon. His Robbie, on the other hand, looked downright scandalized at the realization that he would be naked in Glanni’s presence.

Growing more eager to see his husband’s creation in action, coupled with his natural need to make Robbie feel better, Sportacus unfurled his towel and tossed it safely outside the reach of the villain’s invention. He quickly pulled the sheet from his shoulder and whipped it open, shielding them both as Robbie copied his actions. Glanni, one hand over his eyes, drummed on the edge of the Alleviator’s console impatiently.

After some fumbling with the fabric and at least two incidents elbowing one another in the stomach, the two men managed to wrap the heavy cloth around both of their shoulders securely enough that it would not slide off at the wrong moment. In fact, with a little dexterity, they even managed to tie off the nearest corners to ensure their protective layer would not only shield them, but keep each of them securely pressed against the other. Sportacus could barely look Robbie in the eye as the two quickly realized that their flush proximity to one another felt rather pleasurable. After taking literal years to feel comfortable with obvious displays of affection in public, Sportacus could only imagine how mortified his poor Robbie must be feeling with a family member so close by now. He tried to ignore the feeling of Robbie pressing against him, for both their sakes.

“Can we get this show on the road yet?” Glanni called from where he waited. “Are you decent?”

“Y-yes,” Sportacus answered, figuring it best to spare his poor Robbie from any further embarrassment.”

The fae uncovered his eyes and straightened up. “Good. Then let’s get this kinky party started!” he cried with an unsettling amount of glee as he reached across the control panel to flip a switch.

The soft hum in his ears grew louder, and Sportacus found himself somehow managing to pull Robbie even closer than the man already was. He felt his husband’s arms tighten around himself as well, a caring, familiar gesture that allowed Sportacus to let himself relax, even if just a little.

“I love you,” Robbie whispered before planting a tender kiss at Sportacus’ hairline.

“I love you, too, Robbie.”

The taller man nestled his nose in the elf’s soft hair and Sportacus closed his eyes as he listened to the monolithic bars standing around them begin to move as the machine slowly came to life. He could feel an immediate change in the air that reminded him of how things felt just before a lightning storm. Though it felt like the crackling of electricity around him, Sportacus couldn’t help but notice that the charge wasn’t right; it wasn’t electrical energy that was arching from pillar to pillar around and above them, but magic.

Robbie took a deep breath and, after giving his partner another reassuring squeeze, began to mutter something under his breath. Sportacus remained quiet, but listened. Though he didn’t fully understand what the other man was saying, he did recognize a handful of the archaic words from his schooling, and that was enough to get the gist of what was happening.

_—Body—_

_—Power—_

_—Command—_

_—Transfer—_

_—Joined—_

Whatever incantation Robbie was muttering, Sportacus soon realized that he was saying it over and over again, chanting  quietly as the machine whirred and crackled all about them. He dared to open his eyes for a moment and let out a slight gasp at the startling amount of violet and pink energies that arched to and fro among the rapidly spinning spires of metal just outside the safety of his circle. Beyond the Alleviator, barely visible through the living net of magic, Sportacus could see Glanni standing at the controls.

The fae’s rarely seen wings were spread out behind him and he was bracing himself against the control panel, seemingly with all his strength. Glanni’s elbows were locked and his eyes focused intently on the two men at the center of the magical storm. Though Sportacus couldn’t hear him above the chaos, he could see Glanni’s lips moving at a feverish pace, no doubt chanting the same spell as Robbie. A soft, pink mist was seeping from his mouth and wings as he did so, the energy reaching out to join the cloud around the couple.

Sportacus looked up at Robbie, finding himself squinting now that the gathered energies were beginning to glow brighter. He held his breath as he gazed upon his husband in silent awe. Robbie’s eyes were closed tightly as he spoke. Like Glanni, his love’s magic was being pulled from his very lips while he spoke. But, more surprisingly, Sportacus could see just over Robbie’s shoulder where—despite the man never having grown any himself—the outline of a large, brilliant pair of wings emitted magic of their own. Robbie’s wings were not solid, as evidenced by Sportacus being able to see straight through them to the swirling bits of metal beyond, but they were _there_ nonetheless, a visible extension of Robbie’s inner magic and often forgotten heritage. The violet light they emitted began to grow too bright for his eyes, and Sportacus buried his face in Robbie’s shoulder and closed his eyes despite his desire to gaze upon his husband’s wonderful wings forever.

Though his own magical talents had never been very strong, Sportacus willed his body to relax, nearly to the point of going limp in the villain’s arms, and pulled up all that he could from the depths of his spirit. He did not know the incantation the two cousins were chanting, but he would not allow them to use so much of themselves for his benefit without offering help to ease their strain. Sportacus whispered to his magic and, with a breathy sigh, felt his own energy flow outward to mingle with Robbie’s in the hopes of lending his love his strength. The whirring hum of the Dysphoria Alleviator 3000 filled his head and Sportacus let it overtake him where he stood.

It was around that point that the elf began to feel a strange sensation within his abdomen. It began as an unidentified twinge within, but soon spread outward, evolving into a disconcerting yet not wholly uncomfortable tingling sensation that encompassed not only the area where he had spread Robbie’s salve across his genitals, but inward and through what seemed to be his entire pelvic region. Sportacus couldn’t decide whether he should feel worried or excited over the sensation, instead focusing on the feeling of Robbie’s warm and welcoming chest against his own. He smiled.

The tingling lingered, even through the mild numbing sensation that quickly joined it. Robbie’s grip around him tightened and Sportacus returned the pressure in kind. Just as Sportacus was beginning to wonder when the spell might finish its work, a sudden jolt of energy rushed through him, hitting his pelvis first before quickly running up his spine and spreading outward through his entire body until it faded into, seemingly, nothingness. Sportacus could only assume that Robbie experienced the same shock, as both he and his husband jolted at the same time.

The near-dizzying hum in his chest and stomach began to fade as the twirling bows of metal finally began to slow their dance. Sportacus’ heart was fluttering by this point and, with his chest still firmly pressed against Robbie’s, he could tell that the villain’s heart was nearly pounding after the energy surge as well. The tingling sensation in his belly, he suddenly found, had gone, and the elf realized that without the rush of magic and adrenalin coursing through his body, he was beginning to feel a little weak.

Robbie, he soon realized, wasn’t faring much better after such a physical and emotional rush. The taller man practically slumped against him, muttering something incoherent for a few seconds longer before he gathered enough strength to again stand under his own power. Sportacus, as drained as he was himself, held onto his partner with a firm grip to keep not only Robbie, but himself upright simultaneously.

“You okay?”

It took the hero a minute to realize his husband had asked him a question. “Hmm?”

“Are you feeling okay?” Robbie asked.

After a second, Sportacus nodded. “I…I think so. Are _you_ alright?”

Sportacus looked up to meet Robbie’s eye. His villain was gazing down at him with eyes that looked to be fighting to stay focused after his draining ordeal. The elf was happy to see his husband’s familiar smile, though, and met it with his own. Robbie’s words and tired expression suddenly made Sportacus realize just how exhausted he was himself. Now that all the excitement was over, his body was really beginning to crumble. He felt like he had just run about five marathons only to be hit by a truck at the finish line.

“I think we both need to like down,” he heard Robbie say through a yawn.

Sportacus nodded in agreement. Yes, sleep _would_ be a good idea right now. Robbie had said, after all, that he would probably feel pretty tired and need some time to recover after— Sportacus blinked, suddenly very awake as he realized what everything meant. He looked up at his husband and, after a few seconds, realized that the shivering sensation he began to feel was his own; he was trembling.

“Did…did it work?” the hero asked hesitantly.

Both of them immediately looked down only to find themselves pressed too tightly together by the still-present layers of fabric wrapped around their shoulders to be able to see much of anything. Sportacus tried to pull back for a better view, only to end up with Robbie yelping from the tug and all but falling into him as a result. Sportacus narrowly managed to avoid the both of them tumbling to the floor and steadied himself as he held onto his partner.

Robbie’s cheeks were flushed. “Sorry.”

Sportacus gave a soft, nervous laugh.

“You two are idiots!”

Hero and villain looked back over to where Glanni stood leaning over the console, chin resting in one palm and a smirk on his face. His wings were gone now, and he looked a bit worn out himself, but his eyes still held that mischievous spark both men knew all too well.

“You might want to untie yourselves before you start diddlin’ with your dangles,” he continued, gesturing toward the two men with wiggling fingers.

This time, Sportacus could feel his face turning red. Robbie, meanwhile, looked like a fish the way his mouth was wordlessly opening and closing in a desperate attempt to get his cousin to stop his teasing.

“Do—do you _mind_?” Robbie finally managed to snap at him.

Glanni only shrugged. “No, not really.” He stood up straight, raising his arms over his head as he stretched, his body making a series of cracks and pops just as unsettling as the ones Robbie’s body often made. “Well,” Glanni continued, voice momentarily strained, “If you two are going to start playing doctor, I’m going to go play restaurant patron. If you need anything, gimme a call, will ya?”

Robbie grumbled something under his breath as Glanni sauntered off toward the workshop door. The fae spun around suddenly, walking backwards for a few steps to address the two men once more before leaving.

“Oh, he said, “By the way…congratulations.”

Robbie and Sportacus both blinked at the sudden sincerity in the criminal’s voice. Glanni gave them both a genuine smile, pointed both index fingers at them as though they were pistols, made a few soft “ _pew pew!_ ” noises at them, then turned and left.

With their technician gone, Robbie and Sportacus stared at each other once again. Sportacus swallowed. With the distraction of Glanni removed, the elf was growing quite aware of an unfamiliar pressure against his groin. Robbie’s widening eyes hinted that he could feel it, too. Something between them twitched and sent a shiver up the hero’s spine. Could that be what he thought it was?

“We need to get this off,” Sportacus said quickly, his fingers diving for the knot in the sheet in a desperate bid to be rid of the claustrophobic fabric.

“Take it easy,” Robbie warned. “Don’t choke anyone, Sportacitement.” His partner nearly gagged at the next tug of the sheet.

He could hardly listen. He had to know. Sportacus fumbled with the knot, cursing under his breath that they had somehow secured it so well despite how difficult the angle was to reach. Robbie tried to help, but the two just kept accidentally pinching and poking each other instead.

“Oh forget it,” Sportacus sighed, soon grabbing the cloth on either side of the knot and pulling, completely ignoring Robbie’s wide eyes watching him.

The fabric easily tore apart with a loud rip. The sheet slipped from their shoulders soon after, its frayed edges fluttering only slightly as the piece fell to the floor around their feet. The two men pulled away at last, their stomachs parting and able to feel the cool air of the workshop once again. For the barest of moments, Sportacus could barely stand to look down and see, but the urge, the _need_ to know quickly overrode any hesitation.

He and Robbie had been together in one sense or another for about two decades. They had shared a bed in some fashion for nearly as long. In that time, each of them had become intimately familiar with the body of the other, perhaps even more so than they were with themselves. The sight that Sportacus beheld was wholly familiar and yet, at the same time, a vision that he had never seen before.

With trembling hands, Sportacus let his fingertips brush down his stomach, following the pale trail of hair near its end to his pelvis where, to his breathless astonishment, his curls shifted from its natural dark blond into a rich black that the elf knew all too well. Nestled squarely in the center of the raven feather hair rested a very familiar sight, though Sportacus had never seen the member from this angle before. He touched it as gently as possible, as if any false move might shatter the reality and take it all away as quickly as it had been done. He gasped and _he_ twitched.

“I…I can feel it,” he stammered, practically whispering. “R-Robbie, I can feel it. N-not just my hands. I can _feel_ my hands, too. Rob-Robbie, I can _feel_ it!”

Sportacus felt a soft kiss upon his forehead, and looked up at Robbie with teary, gleeful eyes.

”What did I tell you?” his husband asked. “I didn’t pour over those books for as long as I did for things _not_ to work out perfectly!” Robbie kissed his forehead again. “I’m a genius, remember?”

“You are,” Sportacus laughed, his voice wavering through his tears. “You _are_ a genius, Robbie!”

The hero pulled his villain close, squeezing him affectionately until Robbie gave out a strained squawk of pain. Sportacus laughed and released the man, instead peppering his chin and jawline with thankful kisses for a few moments. This was real. _It_ was real. For the first time in his life, Sportacus felt like he always had been—a man. A real, true man in _every_ sense of the word. It was difficult to wrap his mind around it; moments ago, this hadn’t seemed possible, and now… Sportacus let out a shaky breath as he looked down at himself and brushing his new anatomy again, still in awe at all that had transpired and unable to fathom the depths of his own emotions over what Robbie had so lovingly done for him.

Speaking of which…

Sportacus interrupted his awed gaze down at his own body to look at Robbie. He felt conflicted at what he saw. In a mirror version of what he had beheld on himself not a minute earlier, the dark hair of Robbie’s sparse trail lightened considerably the closer the farther down his eye traveled. Though largely hidden by all-too-familiar hair, Sportacus could see it, if only because he knew it was there...the most outer lips of what was once his vagina. It was like looking in a mirror all over again…except the hips and legs that framed it were wrong. The elf shivered suddenly as his brain tried and failed to make sense of the new influx of emotions the sight caused.

“Sport, you okay?”

The hero nodded, head bobbing a little more than normal. “Y-yes. I just…” Sportacus gestured toward Robbie’s newest _addition_.

The man looked down at himself, blinking in what might have been mild surprise. “Oh yeah,” he mumbled as he peered curiously over his stomach. “I forgot about that for a minute there. Wow, it looks…different down there.” Robbie laughed, looking back up at Sportacus like it was the most natural thing in the world. “I’m sure it’ll hit me like a brick later once things start to sink in.”

“You’re not upset?” Sportacus asked cautiously, still half-expecting Robbie to regret his decision.

Robbie smirked and pulled Sportacus to him, dusting the edge of his lips with a touch of his own before continuing on to a proper, gentle kiss. “Never. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m about dead on my feet. You mind if we move this party upstairs? ”

Sportacus giggled, rolling his eyes. “Okay.”

“I’ll be more excited after a nap,” Robbie yawned. “You know, away from all the electrical equipment and sharp edges in case one of us keels over standing here. Heaven knows I didn’t look after that thing for you for all those years just for you to tumble into a pile of scrap metal in your birthday suit.”

Robbie yawned again, shaking his head and clearly struggling to stay upright. Sportacus found himself echoing his love’s deep yawn, exhausted himself. Complicated magic and transferring body parts between individuals was, apparently, more exhausting than he had expected.

His love held out his hand and offered him a tired smile. “Coming, Sportaboy?”

The hero was sure his smile spread from ear to pointed ear as he took Robbie’s hand. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another reason to check me out on...other pages I'm not allowed to mention on AO3: this chapter has been released for, uh, days. This is the *second* place stuff is posted. And sometimes I'm dumb and forget to post here in a timely fashion. Whoopsie!


	11. Chapter 11

Sportacus had no concept of time when he finally awoke. The skylight above the bed was closed, offering no hint as to the time of day.  He _did_ know that he was askew on the bed, though, with one foot dangling over the edge at an angle. At least he still had a pillow under his head. The elf let out a soft groan, his throat feeling scratchy from disuse. Another, softer moan emanated from somewhere near his midsection. The hero looked down to find Robbie curled against him, one arm uncomfortably cramped under his own body while the other gripped his husband as tightly as a child might clutch their favorite teddy bear. The sight of it made Sportacus smile and, despite wanting to stay quiet for the man sleeping on top of him, he couldn’t help but let out an amused huff.

The slightly jarring movement of the elf’s chest made Robbie stir. Not enough to fully wake, but enough for him to whine an incoherent complaint and tighten his grip on his partner, perhaps to keep Sportacus from any further movement that might disrupt his comfort. The embrace made him smile all the more. With a yawn, the hero reached down to stroke the back of Robbie’s neck. Sportacus reveled in the feeling of his love’s body relaxing immediately under his touch.

It all still felt like a dream, something that couldn’t have happened…not really. The small but new weight against his thigh, however, proved otherwise. Sportacus couldn’t believe it. He had a penis. A real penis. Not a folded sock, not a packer, not something _pretend_ to cover up a vagina that he never felt truly belong to him, but a real, function penis. A literal donation from the love of his life. And, more than that, Robbie now willingly possessed that very piece of his anatomy that had caused him so much trouble and anguish throughout his life.

Robbie soon stirred beneath him, humming happily at the soothing sensation of Sportacus’ fingertips at the nape of his neck. He gave a mighty yawn and stretched his legs and back. The familiar chorus of pops and snaps accompanied the movement. Somehow, in that moment, they didn’t bother Sportacus as much as they usually did. Besides the obvious, nothing really felt like things had changed at all.

“What time is it?” Robbie grumbled against his Sportapillow.

“I don’t know,” the elf replied, clearing his throat once he heard how raspy his voice sounded. “I can’t see the clock from this angle.”

His love groaned and looked over Sportacus’ chest, squinting in spite of the darkness of the room. He moaned again and let his cheek fall back to the hero’s bare skin. Sportacus resumed his fingers’ delicate dance on Robbie’s neck.

“We’ve been in bed for almost two days,” Robbie whined loudly.

Sportacus’ hand stilled. His eyes widened, suddenly very awake, and the hero nearly tried to sit up before remembering not the jostle the tired Robbie on top of him.

“Two days?” he asked in alarm.

Robbie hummed affirmation into the elf’s chest. “Date at the bottom says so,” he mumbled sleepily. “Can we do ten more minutes?”

The villain’s usual complaints helped Sportacus find his emotional anchor again. Only Robbie would want a nap after sleeping for two days straight. He could always count on Robbie to be…Robbie.

“Are you okay?” Sportacus asked after taking a few moments to calm himself back down.

“I _was_ until you decided you wanted conversation,” the man mumbled sleepily, still not looking up toward him at all. “You’re moving too much. Stop it.”

It wasn’t until Robbie mentioned it that Sportacus began to notice his own fidgeting. The tightness in his arms and legs was unmistakable; after hours of stillness, his muscles clearly wanted to get moving again. It was almost itchy how much he needed to move. And, as both of them had learned over the years, what Sportacus’ muscles wanted, they eventually got whether the villain liked it or not.

“I don’t think I _can_ stop it, Robbie,” he said apologetically.

“Why did I marry you again?” the man whined, grunting as he reluctantly rolled off the elf.

Before Sportacus could do anything else, Robbie reached over and firmly grabbed the hero by the shoulder. Though his strength was no match for that of his partner’s, a gentle pull was all that Robbie needed to coax the other man to roll toward and over him. Sportacus snickered at the proud look on his villain’s face and, careful to keep the bulk of his weight off of the man by leaning on his elbows, gave Robbie a gentle, loving kiss.

“There,” the villain said with a small yawn before stretching his arms over his head. “You can do your stupid elf thing and I can get all the admiration I rightfully deserve.”

Sportacus chuckled, knowing exactly what Robbie meant. They had done this before, often as a silly joke, but he couldn’t deny that it would help him feel better now, especially after being still for so long. The hero lifted himself, positioning his feet on either side of Robbie’s legs, and gazed down at his handsome, sleepy husband.

“Oh, Robbie,” he teased in a soft voice. “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Robbie tried and failed to hold in his laughter and was unable to stop smiling at the silliness of it all when Sportacus lowered himself just enough so that their chests brushed against one another.

“One,” the elf whispered, delivering a gentle kiss to the man’s chin before rising again. He lowered himself again, balancing on his palms, and kissed Robbie’s nose this time. “Two.”

“I married a weirdo!” Robbie complained through his giggles while Sportacus continued his ridiculous display of kiss-accented push-ups.

They both lost count somewhere around one hundred ninety-three. Neither of them seemed to mind. It was silly, but it was sweet, and both of them loved it and the feeling of being so close to one another. Sportacus, in particular, felt a thrilling rush every time he dipped down for the next quick kiss. Each time he did, he felt his new anatomy brush against his husband, a seconds-long reminder of what had transpired and what he now possessed. Robbie eventually took notice of Spoartacus’ ticklings himself.

“You think you’re being sneaky, don’t you?” he asked with a sly smile.

“What do you mean?”

“I may not know a lot about exercise, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need any hip action to do a push-up.” Robbie gave a devilish grin upon seeing the instantaneous blush on the hero’s face. “Ha! I knew it!”

“It’s just…I only…” the elf fumbled, face still hot.

His embarrassment was halted when Robbie leaned up to deliver a kiss of his own in return.

“I’m happy you’re happy, Sportadolt,” he reassured his love. “I don’t blame you for wanting to play with your new toy.”

“It’s not a—”

“Isn’t it, though? Even a little bit?”

Sportacus didn’t say anything, and from the smug look on Robbie’s face, that was all the answer the villain needed.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Robbie laughed. “It’s fine. You’re allowed to have a honeymoon period. You’ve earned it.”

Sportacus couldn’t help but give a sheepish smile at that. _Honeymoon period_. The phrase set loose a string of thoughts that made the hero shiver. All the fantasies he’d ever had suddenly felt within reach, and he slowly realized the new change in dynamics with Robbie would not only be real, but permanent. It was incredibly exciting, terrifying territory and Sportacus absolutely loved it! He felt his member twitch in agreement below him.

“Maybe we shouldn’t venture there just yet,” his husband interrupted with a nip at the elf’s jaw. “You two should get acquainted first. We have the rest of our lives for a second honeymoon ourselves.” He wiggled his eyebrows to punctuate the idea.

The hero started turning red again at his partner’s playful tone, but Robbie stopped him with a gentle hand running through his hair and nails scraping lightly against his scalp. Sportacus leaned into the touch, practically purring at the soft sensation.

“One step at a time, Sportaflop, that’s all. You still have a bad tendency to jump into things too fast, you know.”

Sportacus laughed. “That’s true,” he conceded. “I’m just…excited. In more ways than one, I guess.”

“Me too.” Robbie carefully pulled the elf’s face down for a kiss to emphasize his point. “I just don’t know if I’m ready yet, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get too overzealous while this is all still new territory for you anyway.” Robbie wiggled his eyebrows again and gave a toothy grin. “Though I admit, I _am_ starting to look forward to it.”

Sportacus gently laid atop his husband, happy enough for the time being just to feel the closeness of their bodies in bed together. He kept his weight on his elbows to avoid crushing the wonderful man, but reveled in the sensation of flesh-on-flesh in spite of their relative chastity.

“So it’s okay?” he asked eventually. “All this, I mean…for you?”

Robbie nodded without hesitation. “I told you literally seconds ago that I was looking forward to everything, didn’t I?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“Truth is, I’m kind of excited,” Robbie laughed nervously. His eyes darted downward, away from Sportacus’ gaze. “I’ve never felt anything like _this_ before.”

“That makes two of us!”

Robbie just smiled and rolled his eyes. Sportacus snorted. They kissed again and held one another.

“Thank you, Robbie,” the hero whispered after the moment of fondness. “For everything. It doesn’t feel like enough just to say it, but thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Sportalove,” Robbie sighed as he cupped the elf’s cheek in his hand. “I’d give anything to make you happy. We just lucked out that this was something we can both enjoy.”

“You’re wonderful.”

“I know I am.”

Their lips met again.

*****

As days passed, Robbie couldn’t help but notice the weight that had seemed to have lifted from his husband’s shoulders. If anything, the bouncing blue hero had even more energy and pep in his step than ever before, something that Robbie complained and teased him about loudly and often, but always with a smile on his face. Sportacus denied the accusations with a playful grin of his own.

The town’s children all agreed that something had changed in their hero’s demeanor, though, none of them could quite put their little fingers on what the change actually was. They were, at least, quite aware of Sportacus’ renewed interest in sports safety not long after his enthusiasm for play spiked so. That, at least, had a much more obvious origin. After a less than fun game of softball one day, Sportacus decided that it would probably be best to invest in an athletic cup for himself. It was shortly after that the town received a few discussions about safety and mindfulness when playing games. Though the hero didn’t appreciate it, Robbie had publicly laughed at him and, later in private, congratulated his husband on the less-than-desirable right of passage into manhood. Being locked out of the bedroom that night, in Robbie’s opinion, had been completely worth it.

Joy congratulated them both after she and her sister had initially returned home, hugging her fathers and even preparing them a special dinner to properly celebrate when she found out they hadn’t done anything particularly special following the ordeal. Nadía, who knew only selective details of what had transpired, was just happy that everything seemed to be better again and her parents were as gross with one another as they always had been. Robbie was happy to see Sportacus’ smile, even if it did come along with the elf’s boundless enthusiasm and lack of any hesitation or self-preservation that had plagued their relationship since the blue buffoon had first landed in town. Life was good again. It was nice.

And, as awkward as it was at first, it was also nice— _very_ nice—as the two reacquainted themselves with their own bodies and one another. While Sportacus was a paradox of excitement and worry about he and his partner’s experiences, respectively, the elf soon found that his hesitation and self-reassurances were entirely unnecessary. Robbie had been ecstatic.

“ _That’s_ what it feels like?” the villain had asked after the pair finally came down from what they would later refer to as their second first time. “Darnit, Sportaboy, you’ve been holding out on me!”

“I could say the same,” Sportacus had replied with an amused, breathy laugh.

Robbie sighed contently, then. “I gotta admit, Sporty, I could get used to this.”

“Oh?”

“I’m glad you’re a bundle of energy because I plan on just laying here for the duration without so much as moving a muscle ever again.”

That made Sportacus laugh outright. “You didn’t have to overexert yourself before either, Robbie! There were plenty of times where I rode you instead, remember?”

The villain looked almost offended. “Well, yeah, but now I don’t have to worry about accidentally spraining anything while you go crazy,” he pointed out before leaning back into his pillows and flashing a smug grin up at his partner. “Now I just get to sit back, relax, and enjoy. Make _you_ do all the work while I get the rewards.”

Sportacus shook his head and nuzzled the man’s neck. He snuffled in delight. “Okay, Robbie. Whatever you say.”

*****

Their private moments together weren’t the only changes in their lives, however. There were other discoveries and lifestyle changes as well, the first of which were the sudden appearance of sudden, and occasionally severe, magical discharges. Both of the men, particularly Robbie, started experiencing seemingly random bursts of magical energy almost daily. Sportacus would get a spontaneous surge of energy, either snapping or squashing whatever happened to be in his hand at the time, or running straight into the nearest wall or surface that had the misfortune of being in his path if he were already in motion. Needless to say, the poor hero did his best to limit his proximity to the children in his care, but found it difficult to explain to them why he couldn’t always play.

Robbie, meanwhile, would have more external bursts. Violet energy would haphazardly spray from his fingertips or outward from his upper back at random times throughout the day. It was always startling, sometimes waking him up from a well-needed nap, and they usually lead to a broken mirror, shattered soda glass, or a fried circuit board that he would then have to throw out with a frustrated grumble. Though most of the time the magical surges occurred without warning, some were preceded by a strange tingling and uncomfortable pressure in his gut that made even eating his favorite cake unappetizing for a time.

After about the eighth incident between them, true worry began to set in as to what the magical bursts might be. A quick letter to and from Glanni assured them that the leftover magic from such a complex and powerful spell was still settling and trimming away the excess still built up inside their bodies. He reassured the couple that the random spasms should dissipate within another week or two and told them to stop being a pair of stupid babies. Despite their nervous doubts, Glanni’s word proved to be right and the two men were able to sleep well once again.

Shortly after their last magical mishap, though, another side-effect of the spell reared its head. Robbie awoke one afternoon in pain. He hadn’t felt very well the night before, but the sharp pain in his abdomen was alarming. Even more concerning was the blood that had soaked through his pants. Sportacus was all but hysterical when he came to Robbie’s aid, alerted by his crystal, and realized what was happening. He apologized profusely as he watched his husband swallow some pain medication and hug a heating pad to his stomach.

“I’m so sorry, Robbie!” he said. “This is all my fault! I didn’t even think about something like this. I haven’t had a period in _years_! If I ever thought that the spell would make you get them, too, I never would have gone through with it!”

Robbie rolled his eyes and sighed, shooting his husband a dirty look to halt the elf’s panic as much as he could without moving too much. He had finally gotten somewhat comfortable.

“It’s _okay_ , Sportaflop. I’m just glad I’m not dying or something.”

The hero stared at him, looking like the epitome of sadness. Even Sportacus’ mustache seeming to droop the longer he stood there. Robbie groaned at the sight of it and grabbed his partner’s arm, forcing the other man to sit down next to him and listen.

“It’s not actually that bad now,” Robbie said evenly. “It was just…alarming. I’ll be fine.”

Sportacus shook his head. “Robbie, I know how cramps feel. It’s _not_ okay. You don’t deserve—”

“It’s not like this is a punishment, you know. It’s just…weird biology nonsense. I knew I was getting the whole package; it’s my own fault for not realizing how far that definition actually stretched.” He winced, muscles tightening for a few moments as a small wave of pain arrived. “I’m okay.”

The hero frowned, recognizing his husband’s flinch with far more familiarity than he would like. Sportacus rubbed Robbie’s lower back gently, if only to show his support. “I’m still sorry.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Robbie insisted, determined to keep a brave face for his husband. “Now come here and hold me properly until my insides calm down.”

It was mere seconds before Robbie was comfortably curled up in his partner’s arms. The two sat together for some time, Sportacus looking worried and his villain occasionally wincing or hissing from the pain in his pelvis.

“What does this mean?” Sportacus finally dared to ask.

“What do you mean? Like, besides my finally having an excuse to lay in bed all day?”

Robbie’s attempt to lighten the mood didn’t seem to work on the elf.

“For us. For you. I…I didn’t expect this to happen.”

Robbie scoffed. “Neither did I, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Comes with the territory, I guess.”

“Are…you sure you’re okay?” the hero asked, clearly skeptical of such a thing.

“I’m always okay. Besides, maybe it’ll get you off my back if I decide I want a chocolate binge.”

A sigh. “ _Robbie_ , please. This is serious.”

“I _know_.” Then, more quietly, “I know, Sportacus. I’m just not sure how to feel yet, okay? This is…new territory for me. If I don’t treat it like a big deal, maybe it won’t be.”

Sportacus kissed his love’s temple. “Sorry, Robbie,” he mumbled guiltily.

“It’s okay. We’ll just have to give Glanni a call or something later. He’ll know what to do.” Probably. Maybe. “He knows more about magic than I do anyway. It’s probably just the spell settling or whatever still. We probably confused the magic, that’s all.”

Robbie could feel Sportacus nodding against his neck.

“You’re right,” the elf said softly.

“At least it only lasts a little while anyway. And hey,” Robbie said with a shrug. “Pretty sure I have a newfound respect for what the girls have to put up with. So there’s that, right?”

“Oh, Robbie.”

“Oh Robbie _what_?”

“I love you.”

The villain hummed contently as his elf nestled in around him.

“I love you, too, Sportadork.”

The television nearby had some inane show playing, but Robbie wasn’t too keen on watching it right then. At least the pain had finally settled, so that was nice. It had been a strange roller coaster, to say the least, to take on his husband’s worries as his own. And yet, Robbie found that, in spite of the  nervous uncertainty that floated around them like an invisible mist tickling their skin, he wasn’t exactly _afraid_. This was fine, really. Just a bump in the road, something countless other people—his own daughters, included—had to deal with. Sportacus hadn’t had a cycle in ages thanks to hormone therapy anyway; once the spell settled again Robbie’s didn’t see any reason why he should be any different, given his prior biology.

No, what mattered was that Sportacus was happy with himself. The hero was comfortable. Free. Robbie could live with a small complication now and again to ensure that things stayed that way. Sportaflop’s happiness was well worth the cost. He had no regrets. He had done what had seemed impossible only a few weeks ago, and things had worked perfectly. Robbie snuggled against his partner and smiled at the feeling of Sportacus’ lips against his neck. The man’s silly mustache tickled his shoulder.

As far as Robbie was concerned, _Operation: Happy Husband_ was an unrivaled success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally started writing this thing as a form of self-therapy, and it quickly spiraled out of control and took on a life of its own. What I had originally envisioned as being maybe 3-4 chapters and 10-15k words at most turned out to be 11 chapters long and almost 46k spanning across over 100 pages. That's insane.
> 
> If you've stuck around this long, thank you. It really does mean a lot to me. I'm never sure how many folks actually read my stuff, much less if they like it, and with how long it took me to get this thing out and off my chest...well, it means a lot that you're here to read this. I was so scared to post this fic (part of why it took me so long, tbh) in fear of what people might think of it and me and how they may react as a result...now that I'm finished with it I don't know how to feel. It's strange that way, I guess.
> 
> If there is interest in seeing any "second honeymoon" type scenes (or similar E-rated scenarios) in this AU, I'd be willing to try and write them, but again, I'm continually scared of people's reactions to things, which is why I ask that if you WOULD like to read such things, please let me know so I can see there's an interest. 
> 
> Now to go back and fix all my other neglected ongoing projects...


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